So Im Having A Birthday Right

And as usual, I find myself reflecting on that which is my life. It happens every time my birthday comes around. Im not one for making new years resolutions. Im not one for having spur of the moment soul searching episodes. Ok, thats a lie. Seems I am. I blame the ever so hot friend of 18 years ago for that one. Ok, thats a lie too. I dont blame him. I obviously was about to have one of those anyway, he just reminded me that it was time I did it now. But come birthday time, reflection always happens, and its not usually good.

For instance, the number one reflection at birthday time, is the fact that I never have sex on my birthday. I know. Its one of the few times a year you are guaranteed sex. Even if you are married! But I never have sex on my birthday. This is a big thing for me. Every year I say, next year is gonna be different. And next year comes, and its no different.

Follow along with me.

My teenage years were spent in family celebrations, which is great. I love family stuff. Its fun. You get to lord it over them for a whole day, and when you've got five sisters living with you like I have, lording it over all them is quite the best part of the entire day. You get the day off whatever duties were yours, you get to choose dinner, you got a fabo present, you got a cake out of the womens weekly birthday cake book and all in all, you felt pretty damn chuffed with yourself. If you were super lucky and it was a school day, the boy of your dreams took pity on you and planted a kiss on you at lunchtime, or, as the years went by, you got a whole pash session on the way home from school!

My 18th birthday was spent with my father and his girlfriend and her two sons. One of age, one not. My brother, who could usualy be counted on for such fun events as sneaking me into pubs while underage by knowing the guys on the door and the girls behind the bar, was sadly busy that day. I think I even cooked fish for dinner.

My 19th birthday? Ah yes, the long distance love affair with who was to become BBH1. Bless his lil heart he always managd to be away when it was my birthday. No hang on, I lie. My 21st birthday he was actually home, but as he threw me a party at his friends restuarant, with all his friends there, none of who I actually knew beings as how we had only moved to town like three weeks beforehand, he managed to have a bit more fun than I did. To the point I had to drive us home, and he was snoring way before I was celebrating. Sigh. After that, he worked overseas. Nothing like having being overseas for work as a suitable excuse for not lovin up your girl on her birthday.

So after I split with bbh1 and was effectively on the singles scene, I figured, right, Im a gorgeous single woman, in my prime, Im bound to be getting it on my birthday now right? No. Seems I never managed to be 'with' some guy on my birthday. Til I met bbh2. Bless his lil heart he never bloody remembered when my birthday was anyway. Even tho its exactly one week before his. One year he even discussed what we would do for his birthday, on my actual birthday, still without remembering it was my birthday. One year my birthday went like this..

ring ring
Me..hello?
Him...hey ive just finished work, what are you up to?
Me...having birthday cake with my sister and her kids
him...ok well im gonna stop off at Freds for a beer
me...*stunned silence, cmon already you are kidding me?* right then
him...home later, i bought some steaks for dinner
me...ok bye.

me thinking, oh he did actually remember and hes gonna cook. yay. Home later turned out to be 930, by which time Id had to cook and feed the kids. I hadnt though, collected up all the birthday cake plates. Stuff that. Im cranky by now. He comes home. He says...oh sorry im late, hic, i had a few with Fred, hic. I says, yes I can see that. Im going to bed. He says, but im gonna cook a steak, im hungry, do you want one? I says...no ive had dinner, and besides I filled up on cake.

Was bout half an hour later, he comes in and says, this cake, what was that for? I says, its birthday cake bbh2. He says, one of the kids birthdays? Meaning one of my sisters kids. I says. NO. He says, oh its your birthday? I says, was my birthday bbh2. Was. He says, why didnt you remind me?

And thats the crux of that. Its apparently my job to remind him to be a responsible, loving, giving husband. As you can see, no sex was had then either. Then after that, he managed to be drunk, drugged, absent, or passed out at birthday time. Mine. Not his. He was always fine for his.....typical.

So after the super unceremonial dumpin by phone he pulled on me a few years back, I was back in single city having family type celebrations again on my birthday. Plenty of wine, plenty of cake, plenty of fun, just no sex. Yay. Hooked myself up with Hot Date and well, tahts a long distrance number that didnt end in him being with me on my birthday. Though I notice he nicely played it so he was when it was his birthday. Last birthday was family type celebrations that left me having to actually drive for two freakin hours each way to enjoy my sparse wine and copious cake because I then had to drive my ass two hours home again. By then I was so over birthdays that all I could manage was a bottle of wine with friends and another non sex birthday was over and done with.

And here I am again. Its my birthday in exactly 15 days. And unless my life takes a miraculous turn whereby our boyfriend pops himself into a post pak complete with red bow on his dick, I will once again be skipping sex on my birthday. But this year, Im totally prepared for it. See, Ive totally given up on the idea of ever getting laid on my birthday again. Let along ever having sex, and let alone ever making love on my birthday. You know why?

Cos birthdays suck. You know why? cos while my birthdays suck, I dont. Especially not on my birthday. I now make this pledge with myself. I will never, repeat never, ever have sex on my birthday ever again. I am now making this the one day of the year I am totally guaranteed to not have any sex. Ever. In fact, that is the present I give to myself. From this moment forward, as God is my witness, Im never having sex on my birthday again.

Thought for now...Im pathetic.