Im not gonna do a damn thing is what I am gonna do. Yeah, didnt see that coming did you Jayne? I think I did though. The thing is, Im quite happy with my lil look at life how it is thank you. Ok, IM not that happy with it. But it works for me. Oh alright already. It doesnt work for me at all. But, its what I know, and one thing I have learnt is this....do what you know. Cos the moment you dont do what you know, you end up married to some bastard who fucks off with all your money leaving you with two kids, no job, no house, a broken range rover, a broken heart, three dogs, 7 fucking puppies and all that amounts to the makings of an alcohol induced vomit you can barely crawl your foine ass out of anyway. And I dont wanna have to crawl my foine ass out of anything.
Friend today said...and I quote..."give the boy a chance will you?" As if I had great plans of not giving him a chance. Yeah. Cos I do things like that. Im a little bit pissed off at the moment. See, heres the thing, its all going to crap anyway. And by that, I mean, Im going to crap. For a start, Im doing things I dont know. Which is exactly what I shouldnt be doing. And, Im now feeling physically ill at the thought of , I dont even know what. But I feel sick. Like I wanna vomit. And Vomit is one of the things I have been desperately trying to avoid. And yet, here I am, contemplating vomit. I hate vomit. Vomit scares me. Literally. The way it feels sitting in my insides just waiting for its moment to shine brings back memories I dont like. I cant even function properly when one of the kids vomits, because that then brings back memories of me vomiting and I dont like those memories, and I dont like vomit and I want nothing to do with it.
All the official moments in my life where my life totally changed forever involved vomit. Yep. Its no wonder Im scared of the stuff.
Thought for the wee hours of the morning?? I need a bucket
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
So The Thing Is Right
I smoke too much. I do. I drink far too much. Though not enough for the next 38 days ....sigh. I do everything I do, too much. Its true. Its because of my nature. See, when Im happy, im all the way happy. Im dancin through the kitchen, singing in the shower, bouncin in my step. Im not just havin a little smile, Im having one of those great big belly laughs. When Im sad, I curl up in the foetal position and rock from side to side. I cry, great tears of pain. I actually howl. I dont just go, OH, gee thats a bit sad. When I exercise....shut up Jayne I do so exercise.....I do it so much that the particular muscles im workin at the time actually scream out, and I ignore them, and just keep doing it. Regardless of the damage. And then, when the next time comes to do it, i just ignore the screaming pain from the start and jump right into it. You should see the state of my knuckles at the moment. NOt looking at all pretty after the first visit back to the speedball. But I kept it up, and now they have thse very unsighly, definately unpretty scabby things going on. But I dont care. Its just the way I am.
See, the too much thing, it goes everywhere. I dont ever be just a lil bit excited, Im full on about to explode any freaking second excited. When Im flat, im down. Thats it. Theres no bounce in me, Im just down. And when Im scared, those stupid teenagers in all the slasher flicks, dont have a ticket on me being scared.
Three people today told me Im scared. Two other people, and one me people. Yeah ok. So Im a big ol scaredy cat. Yay for me. OK. Im scared. Alright already I am. Im scared that if I ever take that leap into love again, and real actual love people, not that pious prius buddshit bastard have his babies sort of love......real love, that it will all go to shit and I will end up a blubbering mess in the foetal position sleeping in my own vomit completely unable to ever, ever, ever bounce my ass back from it all. See, Im scared not of the love part, who would be scared of Love? Love is a wonderful thing, and I hope to be lucky enough to have it in my life, preferably anytime after the 12th of April. Im busy til then. Im not scared of the having it all go to crap part, hey it happens, people fall in and out of love all the time. People change, they grow differently. Some of them even give up wine for forty whole days. How bout that for change? No, the all going to crap part, while definately a pain in the ass, is not what scares me.
Its the whole bouncing back part that scares the hell out of me. And Im not talkin just makes me a little bit scared. Im talkin all the way holy hell its freddy krueger, Jason with the freakin chainsaw, a ring and a well, some guy wanting me to play a game in saw, dont go down the stairs, dont go down the stairs, do you know where the children are, the hand that rocks the cradle and the end of the world all rolled into one sort of scared. Told you. When I do soemthing, I do it too much.
Theres this guy I like right....I mean, I like him. A lot. So you know what I did? I went and phoned some other guy, who I dont really like that much at all. Why would I do that? I'll tell you why I did that. Because what if the guy I like a lot, turns out to like me a lot? And then it moves onto loves me a lot, and then theres talk of weddings and babies and forevers??? what the hell will I do then? Because you know IM not against all that. That would be fine. I can handle all that. But that is the start point. Thats where it all comes together. See, first there must be love, before it can all go to crap, and thus we have the alltime greatest fear of my life.....I wont be able to get up again. FAce your fears? Hell no. Not this one.
If you are smart, you will have already realised what I am about to tell you. Its not the end of the scenario that scares me the most. Its the beginning of it. YOu know why? Cos it cant go to crap and end up with me a blubbering mess on the floor unable to crawl out of my own alcohol induced vomit if I dont like him a lot to start with can it?
So there we have it, thats why I phoned some guy I dont even like a lot. Because there is another guy I like a lot, and that scares me more than anything you can imagine.
So, what am I going to do about it?
Thought for this instant......"everything in boxing is backwards: sometimes the best way to deliver a punch is to step back... But step back too far and you aint fighting at all."
See, the too much thing, it goes everywhere. I dont ever be just a lil bit excited, Im full on about to explode any freaking second excited. When Im flat, im down. Thats it. Theres no bounce in me, Im just down. And when Im scared, those stupid teenagers in all the slasher flicks, dont have a ticket on me being scared.
Three people today told me Im scared. Two other people, and one me people. Yeah ok. So Im a big ol scaredy cat. Yay for me. OK. Im scared. Alright already I am. Im scared that if I ever take that leap into love again, and real actual love people, not that pious prius buddshit bastard have his babies sort of love......real love, that it will all go to shit and I will end up a blubbering mess in the foetal position sleeping in my own vomit completely unable to ever, ever, ever bounce my ass back from it all. See, Im scared not of the love part, who would be scared of Love? Love is a wonderful thing, and I hope to be lucky enough to have it in my life, preferably anytime after the 12th of April. Im busy til then. Im not scared of the having it all go to crap part, hey it happens, people fall in and out of love all the time. People change, they grow differently. Some of them even give up wine for forty whole days. How bout that for change? No, the all going to crap part, while definately a pain in the ass, is not what scares me.
Its the whole bouncing back part that scares the hell out of me. And Im not talkin just makes me a little bit scared. Im talkin all the way holy hell its freddy krueger, Jason with the freakin chainsaw, a ring and a well, some guy wanting me to play a game in saw, dont go down the stairs, dont go down the stairs, do you know where the children are, the hand that rocks the cradle and the end of the world all rolled into one sort of scared. Told you. When I do soemthing, I do it too much.
Theres this guy I like right....I mean, I like him. A lot. So you know what I did? I went and phoned some other guy, who I dont really like that much at all. Why would I do that? I'll tell you why I did that. Because what if the guy I like a lot, turns out to like me a lot? And then it moves onto loves me a lot, and then theres talk of weddings and babies and forevers??? what the hell will I do then? Because you know IM not against all that. That would be fine. I can handle all that. But that is the start point. Thats where it all comes together. See, first there must be love, before it can all go to crap, and thus we have the alltime greatest fear of my life.....I wont be able to get up again. FAce your fears? Hell no. Not this one.
If you are smart, you will have already realised what I am about to tell you. Its not the end of the scenario that scares me the most. Its the beginning of it. YOu know why? Cos it cant go to crap and end up with me a blubbering mess on the floor unable to crawl out of my own alcohol induced vomit if I dont like him a lot to start with can it?
So there we have it, thats why I phoned some guy I dont even like a lot. Because there is another guy I like a lot, and that scares me more than anything you can imagine.
So, what am I going to do about it?
Thought for this instant......"everything in boxing is backwards: sometimes the best way to deliver a punch is to step back... But step back too far and you aint fighting at all."
Thursday, February 26, 2009
So Im Precious Right
Things mean different things to different people. Precious. Lets look at that. According to my dictionary, the one Gaanz gave me, not Gaanz herself which is still my chosen dictionary........Precious means, of great worth or value.
According to Cambridge online dictionarys:
precious (UNNATURAL) Show phoneticsadjective MAINLY UK DISAPPROVINGbehaving in a very formal and unnatural way by giving too much attention to unimportant details and trying too hard to be perfect:
precious (DISLIKE) Show phoneticsadjective [before noun] INFORMALused to express dislike and/or annoyance:You and your precious car - it's all you're interested in!
precious (VERY) Show phoneticsadverb INFORMALvery:A lot of people will start, but precious few will finish.Be careful - you'll be precious little help if you come back injured.
And according to Wiktionary, wikipedia's version of the dictionary this:
of high value or worth, or seemingly regarded as such
The crown had many precious gemstones
This building work needs site access, and tell the city council that I don't give a fuck for a few lorry tyre ruts across their precious grass verge.
regarded with love or tenderness.
My precious daughter is to marry
treated with too much reverence.
He spent hours painting the eyes of the portrait, which his fellow artists regarded as a bit precious.
Im thinking, IM all of those things. Which truly does make me precious.
Now Im thinking, might just check out other things Ive been called:
Bitch...colloquial, spiteful woman
Gorgeous...richly colored, suptuouis, very pleasant, splendid, strikingly beautiful
Inimitable...impossible to imitate
Intoxicating...far too much woman for any pious prius driving buddhist to contend with
Captivating...fascinating
Thought for this late hour of the night....Ok, so Im a precious, gorgeous, inimitable, intoxicating, captivating princess bitch. I can work with that.
According to Cambridge online dictionarys:
precious (UNNATURAL) Show phoneticsadjective MAINLY UK DISAPPROVINGbehaving in a very formal and unnatural way by giving too much attention to unimportant details and trying too hard to be perfect:
precious (DISLIKE) Show phoneticsadjective [before noun] INFORMALused to express dislike and/or annoyance:You and your precious car - it's all you're interested in!
precious (VERY) Show phoneticsadverb INFORMALvery:A lot of people will start, but precious few will finish.Be careful - you'll be precious little help if you come back injured.
And according to Wiktionary, wikipedia's version of the dictionary this:
of high value or worth, or seemingly regarded as such
The crown had many precious gemstones
This building work needs site access, and tell the city council that I don't give a fuck for a few lorry tyre ruts across their precious grass verge.
regarded with love or tenderness.
My precious daughter is to marry
treated with too much reverence.
He spent hours painting the eyes of the portrait, which his fellow artists regarded as a bit precious.
Im thinking, IM all of those things. Which truly does make me precious.
Now Im thinking, might just check out other things Ive been called:
Bitch...colloquial, spiteful woman
Gorgeous...richly colored, suptuouis, very pleasant, splendid, strikingly beautiful
Inimitable...impossible to imitate
Intoxicating...far too much woman for any pious prius driving buddhist to contend with
Captivating...fascinating
Thought for this late hour of the night....Ok, so Im a precious, gorgeous, inimitable, intoxicating, captivating princess bitch. I can work with that.
So You Cant Go Home Again Right
WRong. Ive pondered this one deep into the night. And you can go home again. Just usually when you get there, Home isnt how you remembered it, and if you are super lucky, Home, is even better.
The thing is Home, changes. Home is exactly what you need at any particular time. If you need Home to be three squares a day with lemon sago for dessert, thats what Home will be. But if you go Home again and dont like lemon sago anymore, then the chances are, lemon sago wont be on offer anyway. It'll be something different. Like lemon meringue pie. Still the same lemon, but in the new way you now want.
Yes, I know, you are already making the connection arent you? PreciousPrincess here, wants to go Home. But not to what used to be Home, what is Home now. Someone else this PreciousPrincess knows also wants to go home. Sadly for him, his Home, is no longer available for rent. His Home got turned from a house with a picket fence, into a sprawling acreage lot, and if anyone makes that connection mean my ass, I'll be cranky. I meant that a picket fenced Home usually has your typical family type in it. A sprawling acreage lot, has a whole set of different people completely. For one, a sprawling acreage lot takes a lot more work before it can be called Home. Theres always something that needs doing on a sprawling acreage lot. Something to mend, something to grow. Something to fix, something to tend to. A sprawling acreage lot is a lot more calmer to be around too. Did you ever notice those people who have sprawling acreage lots spend a lot more time at Home? Thats because that is where they want to be. A picket fenced Home usually has people who are out and about all the time, I wonder if that is because they arent too happy with their picket fence at all? And just want something different? The thing is.....you have to love your Home, or else its just a place you grew up. OR didnt, if you didnt bother to grow up til you left Home anyway. Or didnt bother to grow up at all, as is the case with some people this PreciousPrincess knows...........
*oh ok, in a less euphemistic sort of way....bbh2 told preciousprincessjunior last night that he hasnt decided if he wants to come home and live with us or not, a question she asked him, not me. God forbid not me. Now Ive got a drama on my hands cos the man doesnt fucking think and she now thinks hes coming home to play happy lil families forever and ever amen. That, my sweet preciousprincessjunior is never going to happen, and even though he screwed the whole idea, im going to be the one who has to break her heart for again by pointing out that he aint coming home. I hate him. May a thousand........no thats not very kind and good of me. May he have to live with himself when he realises he torched his own Home. That will be enough for me I guess.*
Back to me, the more important character of this here blog anyway. So, Ive decided, Im going Home. Well, a lil drive by it at least. Ok, Im doing the lil drive by bit now. But I might stop in and ask the new dwellers if they mind me taking a few pics, for old times sake.
Thought for this second.......Might borrow a quote from Jayne, who, on these sorts of occassions reminds me why Im even friends with her......*A shag 18 years in the making? Priceless!*
The thing is Home, changes. Home is exactly what you need at any particular time. If you need Home to be three squares a day with lemon sago for dessert, thats what Home will be. But if you go Home again and dont like lemon sago anymore, then the chances are, lemon sago wont be on offer anyway. It'll be something different. Like lemon meringue pie. Still the same lemon, but in the new way you now want.
Yes, I know, you are already making the connection arent you? PreciousPrincess here, wants to go Home. But not to what used to be Home, what is Home now. Someone else this PreciousPrincess knows also wants to go home. Sadly for him, his Home, is no longer available for rent. His Home got turned from a house with a picket fence, into a sprawling acreage lot, and if anyone makes that connection mean my ass, I'll be cranky. I meant that a picket fenced Home usually has your typical family type in it. A sprawling acreage lot, has a whole set of different people completely. For one, a sprawling acreage lot takes a lot more work before it can be called Home. Theres always something that needs doing on a sprawling acreage lot. Something to mend, something to grow. Something to fix, something to tend to. A sprawling acreage lot is a lot more calmer to be around too. Did you ever notice those people who have sprawling acreage lots spend a lot more time at Home? Thats because that is where they want to be. A picket fenced Home usually has people who are out and about all the time, I wonder if that is because they arent too happy with their picket fence at all? And just want something different? The thing is.....you have to love your Home, or else its just a place you grew up. OR didnt, if you didnt bother to grow up til you left Home anyway. Or didnt bother to grow up at all, as is the case with some people this PreciousPrincess knows...........
*oh ok, in a less euphemistic sort of way....bbh2 told preciousprincessjunior last night that he hasnt decided if he wants to come home and live with us or not, a question she asked him, not me. God forbid not me. Now Ive got a drama on my hands cos the man doesnt fucking think and she now thinks hes coming home to play happy lil families forever and ever amen. That, my sweet preciousprincessjunior is never going to happen, and even though he screwed the whole idea, im going to be the one who has to break her heart for again by pointing out that he aint coming home. I hate him. May a thousand........no thats not very kind and good of me. May he have to live with himself when he realises he torched his own Home. That will be enough for me I guess.*
Back to me, the more important character of this here blog anyway. So, Ive decided, Im going Home. Well, a lil drive by it at least. Ok, Im doing the lil drive by bit now. But I might stop in and ask the new dwellers if they mind me taking a few pics, for old times sake.
Thought for this second.......Might borrow a quote from Jayne, who, on these sorts of occassions reminds me why Im even friends with her......*A shag 18 years in the making? Priceless!*
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
So Im Going To A Wedding Right
No not mine for a change. Ive learnt my lesson there. I think. OH ok, I could do it again. Panic Gaanz, full panic allowed. NO Im kidding. Im not getting married again. NO one has asked me. YET. Yet Jayne. You can panic too now, cos when I do get married again you will be wearing a waterweave taffeta dress with a sweetheart neckline and puffy sleeves in the most beautiful shade of peach I can find. Suck it up girl, you will look absolutely beautiful in it, and the whole time you are wearing it you will be saying...why am I even friends with her?
No, a wedding I am going to, and this time, Im just a guest. Which means Im not wearing a hideous dress at all, but will be wearing something gorgeous, to compliment my gorgeous self. And in order to compliment my gorgeous self, Im going to take a gorgeous date. And heres where the circle starts. To take a gorgeous date, I need to be gorgeous enough to entice one. And so, ......the ass has to go. Sigh. We've been friends for so long, me and my foine ass. And now its time to shed a lil of the baggage from that particular relationship. Ive hit the boxing bag again. Just started with a lil speedball work, which is not exactly ass work, but its a start. My shoulders are killing me, Ive peeled the skin off my soft knuckles, but I'll be back on that bag again today. Four days in a row, got to be some kind of record. Combine this with my forty days of no wine, and I could be super gorgeous in, well, forty days I guess.
I must admit though, soemwhere in the middle of that forty days IM having a birthday. So I already clarified with myself that while IM off the wine, champagne is still allowed, as long as its from France. Cos otherwise its just a sparkling wine, and wine is out. So people, please feel free to send bottles of bolli.......see how I worked that out so nicely for myself??
Thought for this instant....I love champagne and champagne loves me, facebook group, might join it. OH, been there, done that.
No, a wedding I am going to, and this time, Im just a guest. Which means Im not wearing a hideous dress at all, but will be wearing something gorgeous, to compliment my gorgeous self. And in order to compliment my gorgeous self, Im going to take a gorgeous date. And heres where the circle starts. To take a gorgeous date, I need to be gorgeous enough to entice one. And so, ......the ass has to go. Sigh. We've been friends for so long, me and my foine ass. And now its time to shed a lil of the baggage from that particular relationship. Ive hit the boxing bag again. Just started with a lil speedball work, which is not exactly ass work, but its a start. My shoulders are killing me, Ive peeled the skin off my soft knuckles, but I'll be back on that bag again today. Four days in a row, got to be some kind of record. Combine this with my forty days of no wine, and I could be super gorgeous in, well, forty days I guess.
I must admit though, soemwhere in the middle of that forty days IM having a birthday. So I already clarified with myself that while IM off the wine, champagne is still allowed, as long as its from France. Cos otherwise its just a sparkling wine, and wine is out. So people, please feel free to send bottles of bolli.......see how I worked that out so nicely for myself??
Thought for this instant....I love champagne and champagne loves me, facebook group, might join it. OH, been there, done that.
So I Had A Chat With BBH2 Last Night Right
OH god it was a classic. PreciousPrincessJunior was busy telling him all about her lent preparations. For those of us, like you Gers, who have no idea what Im on about, lent is this nasty thing forced upon us by the catholic church whereby you give up something for the duration of lent, forty whole days, in order to remind yourself what it was Jesus 'gave up' for you. Ish. Sort of. Near enough. It should be something that impacts on you in such a way as you go about your daily life that you cant possibly not be makin the connection between your life now and Jesus's life back then. PreciousPrincessJunior, now attending a catholic school, is having her first ever lent. And it kicked itself off yesterday with Pancake Day. Shrove Tuesday. Whatever you wanna call it. And being quite devoted to her new calling *dear lord please please please guide into your loving arms and send her the calling to be a nun, thus saving me from ever having to deal with boys anywhere near my daughter* PreciousPrincessJunior had herself pancakes for breakfast, pancakes in her lunchbag, and then pancakes for dinner. And being a devoted mummy, Im all for it.
Daddy, however, gave me a good seeing to, of which, I then gave straight back to him. Daddy, you see is a 'christian'. Yeah, he fooled me too, but apparently he walks with God. I know I know, strange to believe, theres nothing kind and giving about that man, but I digress. His poor performance in the living of the do no harm life is not on discussion here. Daddy, does not believe in the catholic way of life. And while Ive never been baptised or communioned or near Holy water at all for that matter *ive since discovered vodka is not as holy as I thought*, the rest of my family is, and Ive always had a wee connection to the catholic faith. If ever I was going to choose me a religion, that was going to be the one. And now, I sort of have. But this is not about me. This is about the PreciousPrincessJunior. So I sent her off to a catholic school, and she's reallllly taken it all on board. Good for her. So we all support her in her religious learnings. So pancake day it was and pancake day she had. Daddy wants to know why and i quote...his daughter is eating pancakes for dinner....end quote. Daddy was told it was pancake day and that was what she wanted. Daddy was also told that while times have changed, there have been many times over the last years of his absence, and his non contribution of any cash type absence, that pancakes was all there was for dinner and if it was good enough cos thats all we had then, then its good enough cos thats what she wants now. Daddy was not impressed. Fuck Daddy. And Now I feel bad for saying the eff word on Ash Wednesday.
See, daddy is again not at all impressed that today PreciousPrincessJunior is having an Ash Wednesday ceremony at school and will be getting herself a cross on her forehead from the ashes of the palm fronds. Told Daddy to suck it up. Today marks the start of lent and this is what happens. IN OUR LIVES AT LEAST and since he chose not to be a part of OUR LIVES on a daily basis, and since he chose to leave me to make all decisions regarding PreciousPrincessJunior, he can damn well live with what decisions she and I together have made. And now I feel bad for saying Damn on Ash Wednesday.
So begins the forty days. In a show of solidarity with PreciousPrincess, I am giving up wine for forty whole days. I know. If that isnt a true sacrifice I dont know what is. Number One Son suggested he would take up smoking and then give that up, I thanked him for his support but suggested he didnt. PreciousPrincessJunior is a little torn here. She cant quite decide what it is she wants to do without for the next forty days. She thinks maybe sweets. I thought whinging but apparently thats not on.
Daddy doesnt think children should have to give anything up for forty days. Daddy thinks its a dreadful thing for her to be doing. Daddy was told that Hell, the girl has had to give up a lot more stuff for a lot bloody longer thanks to his 'choices' in life and he could go to hell. At least this a giving up of her choosing, not one thrust upon her. And now I feel bad for saying Hell on Ash Wednesday.
Thought for the day.....Nail someones ass to a cross, might do that. Or, maybe just nail someone *wink*
Daddy, however, gave me a good seeing to, of which, I then gave straight back to him. Daddy, you see is a 'christian'. Yeah, he fooled me too, but apparently he walks with God. I know I know, strange to believe, theres nothing kind and giving about that man, but I digress. His poor performance in the living of the do no harm life is not on discussion here. Daddy, does not believe in the catholic way of life. And while Ive never been baptised or communioned or near Holy water at all for that matter *ive since discovered vodka is not as holy as I thought*, the rest of my family is, and Ive always had a wee connection to the catholic faith. If ever I was going to choose me a religion, that was going to be the one. And now, I sort of have. But this is not about me. This is about the PreciousPrincessJunior. So I sent her off to a catholic school, and she's reallllly taken it all on board. Good for her. So we all support her in her religious learnings. So pancake day it was and pancake day she had. Daddy wants to know why and i quote...his daughter is eating pancakes for dinner....end quote. Daddy was told it was pancake day and that was what she wanted. Daddy was also told that while times have changed, there have been many times over the last years of his absence, and his non contribution of any cash type absence, that pancakes was all there was for dinner and if it was good enough cos thats all we had then, then its good enough cos thats what she wants now. Daddy was not impressed. Fuck Daddy. And Now I feel bad for saying the eff word on Ash Wednesday.
See, daddy is again not at all impressed that today PreciousPrincessJunior is having an Ash Wednesday ceremony at school and will be getting herself a cross on her forehead from the ashes of the palm fronds. Told Daddy to suck it up. Today marks the start of lent and this is what happens. IN OUR LIVES AT LEAST and since he chose not to be a part of OUR LIVES on a daily basis, and since he chose to leave me to make all decisions regarding PreciousPrincessJunior, he can damn well live with what decisions she and I together have made. And now I feel bad for saying Damn on Ash Wednesday.
So begins the forty days. In a show of solidarity with PreciousPrincess, I am giving up wine for forty whole days. I know. If that isnt a true sacrifice I dont know what is. Number One Son suggested he would take up smoking and then give that up, I thanked him for his support but suggested he didnt. PreciousPrincessJunior is a little torn here. She cant quite decide what it is she wants to do without for the next forty days. She thinks maybe sweets. I thought whinging but apparently thats not on.
Daddy doesnt think children should have to give anything up for forty days. Daddy thinks its a dreadful thing for her to be doing. Daddy was told that Hell, the girl has had to give up a lot more stuff for a lot bloody longer thanks to his 'choices' in life and he could go to hell. At least this a giving up of her choosing, not one thrust upon her. And now I feel bad for saying Hell on Ash Wednesday.
Thought for the day.....Nail someones ass to a cross, might do that. Or, maybe just nail someone *wink*
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
So Mothers....Not allowed to shoot them Right?
Well if we arent allowed to shoot them, how come they seem to be allowed to shoot us down every five seconds?
Had a conversation with mother last night, she was asking me about a wedding Im going to in July. I said I had sourced a date. She says....
Hote DAte?
Target Date?
Piour Prius Driving Buddhist DAte?
Booty CAll Date?
YOu arent planning on dressing one of your husbands up and calling him a date are you DAte?
Old Friend Date?
Im like, mother, please, can you make me sound any worse. Which got me to thinking. Ive dated three men this year. Three. Is that too many? Not enough? Mother wants to know how come if I never go anywhere, I manage to have a list that long. A list that long? YOu can cancel HD out of that list there thanks mummy dear, that was an over a year pair up so that doesnt count. You can cancel out the husband cos that was well over a years worth of pairin up so that doesnt count at all. YOu can cancel out old friend date, cos, its an old friend. That doesnt count. Which just leaves the three actual dates. Is three too many? Am I spreading the Princess experience too thinly? Though with an ass this size, I fail to see how that is possible.
Bloody mothers. They always manage to say exactly the wrong thing at the right time. Or vice versa.....Besides, you have to sort through the rough to find the diamond right?
Thought for the day...Bright and shiny thing over there.....
Had a conversation with mother last night, she was asking me about a wedding Im going to in July. I said I had sourced a date. She says....
Hote DAte?
Target Date?
Piour Prius Driving Buddhist DAte?
Booty CAll Date?
YOu arent planning on dressing one of your husbands up and calling him a date are you DAte?
Old Friend Date?
Im like, mother, please, can you make me sound any worse. Which got me to thinking. Ive dated three men this year. Three. Is that too many? Not enough? Mother wants to know how come if I never go anywhere, I manage to have a list that long. A list that long? YOu can cancel HD out of that list there thanks mummy dear, that was an over a year pair up so that doesnt count. You can cancel out the husband cos that was well over a years worth of pairin up so that doesnt count at all. YOu can cancel out old friend date, cos, its an old friend. That doesnt count. Which just leaves the three actual dates. Is three too many? Am I spreading the Princess experience too thinly? Though with an ass this size, I fail to see how that is possible.
Bloody mothers. They always manage to say exactly the wrong thing at the right time. Or vice versa.....Besides, you have to sort through the rough to find the diamond right?
Thought for the day...Bright and shiny thing over there.....
Saturday, February 21, 2009
So I Want What I Want Right
Just having one of those conversations that has stuck in my mind. Thought I would share. Today I was told that what I want is very different to what I need, and I should never let what I want get in the way of what I need.
Hmmmmm
I would have thought it was the other way around. In fact, I did actually think that it was more a case of not letting what you need, get in the way of what you want. To be even more in fact, not letting what you need be the thing that stops you from getting what you want. Conversation ended very dramatically when I asked, what is I want? And was told, that wasnt what I needed, so what I wanted, shouldnt come into it.
Hmmmmmmmm again.
Now perhaps I misread the situation, though I fail to see how. Ive never done that before. Shut up Jayne. Shut up Gers. Shut up Rd. Shut up Gaanz. Shut up everyone. Ok, so Ive been known to misread situations before.........But this particular situation, Im sure I didnt misread.
The conversation happened with my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago. What I wanted....someone who made me feel like I did 18 years ago. What he said I needed? Someone who makes me feel like I do now. Whoa. Strap yourselves in people, this is gonna be one hell of a soul searching following.
The boy does have a point. You cant go home again. God this friend shits me. How come he can pick the point right down to its basics then lay it on me in such a way that it hits home? Of course I need what it is I want NOW, not what I wanted 18 years ago. Because 18 years ago, I had no idea what I wanted. I wanted those shoes. That dress. This car. I didnt want anything 18 years ago. Well, nothing of substance at least. Now, I want ....substance. I actually need substance. And Im doing a fine job of sorting my way through the material to find the substance. Lets not remind myself of the disastrous buddhist date, that wasnt very substantial at all. Whatever was I thinking? I was possibly thinking too much. Doh. Wont be doing that again.
So what did I feel 18 years ago, that makes me now say, I want to feel like that again? I felt.....happy, enough, thats a big one there, the enough part, I felt like I WAS enough, that I didnt need to be any better, any different, any thing at all really. I felt strong, empowered, that my life was on the track it should have been on for years before it. I felt capable, interesting, desireable and worthy. Worthy. WORTHY.
Then I just walked into the rest of my life where I felt none of those things at all. I felt oppressed, imprisoned, suffocated, stifled, never good enough, definitely never good enough, weak, useless, incapable, so very unattractive. SO VERY UNATTRACTIVE.
How do I feel now? I feel strong, my life has direction, confident, not at all unwanted, or decidedly unpretty. Hell Im a sexy woman. Im cleverer than I have ever been. So much wiser. So much more aware of who I am, and why I am. Hell I even like me. Screw the buddhist bastard, he was right. I truly am intoxicating. I can hold my own anywhere, anytime, with anyfreaking one. My heart and soul are captivating. Even I want to know everything about me, hence this damn blog. This is where I work through my...me moments. And my manments. But heres the truly wonderful thing, and this blog actually attests to this one. Now? I truly do feel worthy. Worthy. WORTHY. If I didnt think that, the buddhist bastard would stll be around, the one who was never going to be the one, would still be around, and Jack1 wouldnt have been turned down on his booty call the other night.
So I guess ever so hot friend of 18 years ago was right. I do need what I want now. However, I was right too. I do want what I need right now. Which is a man who says all those same things about me that I just said. Ok, I dont need the man. But if I am to have one, thats the kind of man I want. And need. Anything less just isnt going to work for me Im afraid.
Possibly ought to have warned Gaanz to sit down before reading this. Cos Ive just had another of those breakthoughs.......yay for me! and yay for Gaanz who has to put up with all my angst while I do it.
Thought for today........You cant go home again, but it sure is a nice place to send yourself a postcard from isnt it?
Hmmmmm
I would have thought it was the other way around. In fact, I did actually think that it was more a case of not letting what you need, get in the way of what you want. To be even more in fact, not letting what you need be the thing that stops you from getting what you want. Conversation ended very dramatically when I asked, what is I want? And was told, that wasnt what I needed, so what I wanted, shouldnt come into it.
Hmmmmmmmm again.
Now perhaps I misread the situation, though I fail to see how. Ive never done that before. Shut up Jayne. Shut up Gers. Shut up Rd. Shut up Gaanz. Shut up everyone. Ok, so Ive been known to misread situations before.........But this particular situation, Im sure I didnt misread.
The conversation happened with my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago. What I wanted....someone who made me feel like I did 18 years ago. What he said I needed? Someone who makes me feel like I do now. Whoa. Strap yourselves in people, this is gonna be one hell of a soul searching following.
The boy does have a point. You cant go home again. God this friend shits me. How come he can pick the point right down to its basics then lay it on me in such a way that it hits home? Of course I need what it is I want NOW, not what I wanted 18 years ago. Because 18 years ago, I had no idea what I wanted. I wanted those shoes. That dress. This car. I didnt want anything 18 years ago. Well, nothing of substance at least. Now, I want ....substance. I actually need substance. And Im doing a fine job of sorting my way through the material to find the substance. Lets not remind myself of the disastrous buddhist date, that wasnt very substantial at all. Whatever was I thinking? I was possibly thinking too much. Doh. Wont be doing that again.
So what did I feel 18 years ago, that makes me now say, I want to feel like that again? I felt.....happy, enough, thats a big one there, the enough part, I felt like I WAS enough, that I didnt need to be any better, any different, any thing at all really. I felt strong, empowered, that my life was on the track it should have been on for years before it. I felt capable, interesting, desireable and worthy. Worthy. WORTHY.
Then I just walked into the rest of my life where I felt none of those things at all. I felt oppressed, imprisoned, suffocated, stifled, never good enough, definitely never good enough, weak, useless, incapable, so very unattractive. SO VERY UNATTRACTIVE.
How do I feel now? I feel strong, my life has direction, confident, not at all unwanted, or decidedly unpretty. Hell Im a sexy woman. Im cleverer than I have ever been. So much wiser. So much more aware of who I am, and why I am. Hell I even like me. Screw the buddhist bastard, he was right. I truly am intoxicating. I can hold my own anywhere, anytime, with anyfreaking one. My heart and soul are captivating. Even I want to know everything about me, hence this damn blog. This is where I work through my...me moments. And my manments. But heres the truly wonderful thing, and this blog actually attests to this one. Now? I truly do feel worthy. Worthy. WORTHY. If I didnt think that, the buddhist bastard would stll be around, the one who was never going to be the one, would still be around, and Jack1 wouldnt have been turned down on his booty call the other night.
So I guess ever so hot friend of 18 years ago was right. I do need what I want now. However, I was right too. I do want what I need right now. Which is a man who says all those same things about me that I just said. Ok, I dont need the man. But if I am to have one, thats the kind of man I want. And need. Anything less just isnt going to work for me Im afraid.
Possibly ought to have warned Gaanz to sit down before reading this. Cos Ive just had another of those breakthoughs.......yay for me! and yay for Gaanz who has to put up with all my angst while I do it.
Thought for today........You cant go home again, but it sure is a nice place to send yourself a postcard from isnt it?
Friday, February 20, 2009
So Oh Dear Lord Right? No Way Right?
My offering from the stars today...
People can read you like a book today, Princess. Because of the current planetary positions, you are a bit touchier than usual, and your reactions to certain situations seem to be written all over your face. You are blushing, your hands are sweating and trembling, etc. Each of your movements or gestures reveals your emotions. This would be a great time to be in love. Watch out for love at first sight
Love at first sight. Pffft, I spit in the general direction of it. Ok. I lie. There is such a thing as love at first sight. My big chunky platform suede boots, that was love at first sight. And I do recall my hands getting all sweaty as I attempted to put them on my already rather full credit card. Success, and they were mine, and we have had a good, successful relationship ever since. My best ever $20 dress? That was love at first sight. I loved the price, twenty bucks man! and the dress wasnt that awful so I tried it on, at which point I did love it and had to have it. But, I was on holiday then, so no sweaty palms at purchase time, holidays are for spending money. My first ever bottle of bolli with Gaanz, now thats love at first sight. And taste. And feel. We now love each other from afar, but it is a love that will endure. Yes, I suppose love at first sight does actually exist.
I wonder what I will fall in love with today. What. Not Who. What.
Thought for today......Tis not better to have loved and lost, when you are talking 50% sale on shoes.
People can read you like a book today, Princess. Because of the current planetary positions, you are a bit touchier than usual, and your reactions to certain situations seem to be written all over your face. You are blushing, your hands are sweating and trembling, etc. Each of your movements or gestures reveals your emotions. This would be a great time to be in love. Watch out for love at first sight
Love at first sight. Pffft, I spit in the general direction of it. Ok. I lie. There is such a thing as love at first sight. My big chunky platform suede boots, that was love at first sight. And I do recall my hands getting all sweaty as I attempted to put them on my already rather full credit card. Success, and they were mine, and we have had a good, successful relationship ever since. My best ever $20 dress? That was love at first sight. I loved the price, twenty bucks man! and the dress wasnt that awful so I tried it on, at which point I did love it and had to have it. But, I was on holiday then, so no sweaty palms at purchase time, holidays are for spending money. My first ever bottle of bolli with Gaanz, now thats love at first sight. And taste. And feel. We now love each other from afar, but it is a love that will endure. Yes, I suppose love at first sight does actually exist.
I wonder what I will fall in love with today. What. Not Who. What.
Thought for today......Tis not better to have loved and lost, when you are talking 50% sale on shoes.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
So I Lock Messages In My Phone Right
Because deep down inside, even though I do a damn good job of hiding it, Im a romantic. Who loves romance. The concept of it at least. Not actual romance. No. Romance is not for me. Or is it?
I says to Jayne, my friend, my ever there companion, I says, Im lonely Jayne. She says, where are all your men friends this evening?
And thats the problem. I have men friends, I do not have a friend who is a man. More specifically, a friend who is also my man.
I have men friends who are so very dear to me, very different men, and for very different reasons. And so, I lock down the messages they send me on my mobile phone. Because they are sent with love. Not get into my knickies sort of love. But love nonetheless. A truer love than knickie love. From the heart sort of love, not from the cock sort of love.
My Mr Fabulous. I love him. I do. I love him more because he is miles away. I love him because he is true to himself. I love him because he is true to me. That sounds weird. The man has a girlfriend. But he has me as a friend. And this suits us both. Way back, when I was in the depths of despair over my disastrous pious prius driving buddhist date, he texted me with.......
You're a sweetheart..xx
I promptly locked it down in my phone, never to be deleted because a girl needs to know she is a sweetheart in times of woe. And a girl needs to know she is a sweetheart from some guy who is not trying to get into her knickies. From some guy she can put her faith in. From some guy she can believe every word that comes out of his mouth.
My ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, sends me beautiful messages that lift and restore my faith in me. I love him. I do. I loved him then, as only an 18 year old girl can love, and I love him now, as a woman of more mature years can love with a true heart, one that knows why she loves. This is as true as it gets. He gets me. He got me then, though not in the euphemistic way I might have liked, and he gets me now. He seems to know instinctively what to say, when to say it, and how it will be recieved. And more importantly, why it will be recieved in that way. This is important. My locked down messages from him:
Kisses are all yours sweetheart. *in response to my , im fine but i look like shit and may still need kissing better cos some doctor isnt making me better at all txt*
Im ok. More to the point hows my precious princess? *in response to my going to the doctor yesterday for test results*
You'll be in my thoughts more than ever tomorrow, wish you well. *in response to his text asking after my plans of the day and being told its doctor result day*
Good Morning there precious. You are gorgeous. *in response to my text of 5am wishing his gorgeous self a fabulously succesful day on his huge task he was taking on*
And Jayne, I even lock down messages from Jayne. Only the ones that make me remember why I am even friends with her though. When she has a life better than mine and I am hating her with all the passion I can muster, which, I might add, is an awful lot of passion, I flick through my phone and see her words of wisdome, and true friendship. A Jayne and Princess sort of friendship.
In case he turns out to be a bastard. *in response to my txt to her of why am I even friends with you?*
How bout my friend from sleepy assed fishing village, who actually agreed that should something happen to me, and I cark it, will happily and joyfully and lovingly take my seven year old as his own? How bout that for a friend? I dont lock down messages from him in my phone, they are usually politically incorrect jokes, but I locked down that conversation in my heart. Same place as the locked down messages in my phone went really.
A girl doesnt mind knowing she has a super support network around her. A girl needs a super support network around her. Some of my network is miles away. Some of it is so close I can touch it. Just tonight I wrapped my arms around HIMSELF and told him I loved him. He kissed my cheek. Im lucky. Ive got the greatest friends in the world. I do. Im blessed. I can whinge, I can whine, I can wine, and I can whinge and they love me. Not only do they love me, they tell me they love me every single day.
Sometimes I lock down txts in my phone. Sometimes I lock down conversations I have. Sometimes I just lock down the feelings in my heart. And aint nothing gonna get me to delete them.
Thought for this instant? Thats what friends are for.......
I says to Jayne, my friend, my ever there companion, I says, Im lonely Jayne. She says, where are all your men friends this evening?
And thats the problem. I have men friends, I do not have a friend who is a man. More specifically, a friend who is also my man.
I have men friends who are so very dear to me, very different men, and for very different reasons. And so, I lock down the messages they send me on my mobile phone. Because they are sent with love. Not get into my knickies sort of love. But love nonetheless. A truer love than knickie love. From the heart sort of love, not from the cock sort of love.
My Mr Fabulous. I love him. I do. I love him more because he is miles away. I love him because he is true to himself. I love him because he is true to me. That sounds weird. The man has a girlfriend. But he has me as a friend. And this suits us both. Way back, when I was in the depths of despair over my disastrous pious prius driving buddhist date, he texted me with.......
You're a sweetheart..xx
I promptly locked it down in my phone, never to be deleted because a girl needs to know she is a sweetheart in times of woe. And a girl needs to know she is a sweetheart from some guy who is not trying to get into her knickies. From some guy she can put her faith in. From some guy she can believe every word that comes out of his mouth.
My ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, sends me beautiful messages that lift and restore my faith in me. I love him. I do. I loved him then, as only an 18 year old girl can love, and I love him now, as a woman of more mature years can love with a true heart, one that knows why she loves. This is as true as it gets. He gets me. He got me then, though not in the euphemistic way I might have liked, and he gets me now. He seems to know instinctively what to say, when to say it, and how it will be recieved. And more importantly, why it will be recieved in that way. This is important. My locked down messages from him:
Kisses are all yours sweetheart. *in response to my , im fine but i look like shit and may still need kissing better cos some doctor isnt making me better at all txt*
Im ok. More to the point hows my precious princess? *in response to my going to the doctor yesterday for test results*
You'll be in my thoughts more than ever tomorrow, wish you well. *in response to his text asking after my plans of the day and being told its doctor result day*
Good Morning there precious. You are gorgeous. *in response to my text of 5am wishing his gorgeous self a fabulously succesful day on his huge task he was taking on*
And Jayne, I even lock down messages from Jayne. Only the ones that make me remember why I am even friends with her though. When she has a life better than mine and I am hating her with all the passion I can muster, which, I might add, is an awful lot of passion, I flick through my phone and see her words of wisdome, and true friendship. A Jayne and Princess sort of friendship.
In case he turns out to be a bastard. *in response to my txt to her of why am I even friends with you?*
How bout my friend from sleepy assed fishing village, who actually agreed that should something happen to me, and I cark it, will happily and joyfully and lovingly take my seven year old as his own? How bout that for a friend? I dont lock down messages from him in my phone, they are usually politically incorrect jokes, but I locked down that conversation in my heart. Same place as the locked down messages in my phone went really.
A girl doesnt mind knowing she has a super support network around her. A girl needs a super support network around her. Some of my network is miles away. Some of it is so close I can touch it. Just tonight I wrapped my arms around HIMSELF and told him I loved him. He kissed my cheek. Im lucky. Ive got the greatest friends in the world. I do. Im blessed. I can whinge, I can whine, I can wine, and I can whinge and they love me. Not only do they love me, they tell me they love me every single day.
Sometimes I lock down txts in my phone. Sometimes I lock down conversations I have. Sometimes I just lock down the feelings in my heart. And aint nothing gonna get me to delete them.
Thought for this instant? Thats what friends are for.......
So That Went Well Right? NOT
So I duly went forth and handed over a lung and a kidney to see white coats yesterday. I was a little on the dubious side. All thse damn white coats ever seem to do is send me off to pathology. I should give pathology my lung and my kidney. ACtually I think pathology might already be acquainted with them. NOt the point. I did not come home with any great answers. Which means Im super pissed.
The options from yesterday? I was given this one:
im not fine, we dont know whats wrong with you, we know something is, you look like shit, you sound like shit, everything in you has gone to shit and did we mention you look like shit? lets do some more tests......
I didnt even make it out of her surgery before being pricked in the arm and some more of my popular but ever so dwindling blood supply was forcefully removed from me. Sigh. I did however get drugs. This is not making me very happy. For a start, it wasnt the drugs I was expecting, and for a second, its not the drugs I think I need at all. Ive come home with the pill. Yeah. The pill. What the hell do I want with the pill? Does this particular specialist know something I dont? Apparently I need to take the pill because I have to take some hormone blocker thingy that, should i find myself in the middle of a miracle by way of up duffing *in the name of the father and of the son and of the holy spirit amen* this is not a good thingy. Hormone blocker when trying to grow a hormone filled little baby? So they insist you also be on the pill as well. I did try telling doctor that there really was no need, that men were to scared to visit tasmania anyway, unless they were in my fantasies, which is why i mentioend the miracle earlier. I also told her if there was one thing I didnt need, it was more hormones. Ive never been able to take the pill over these years. It turns me into a messy hormonal bitch *shut up Jayne*. But alas, that is what IVe been sent home to do. She gives me a month to get used to the idea before she gives me the blocker. Yay. At which point she tells me I should expect no change for three months: and some slight change by 6 months but generally a couple of years should see it in. WHAT THE FUCK??
Other news? she reckons the rest of it isnt her problem and sent me off to a cardiologist. I have a broken heart. Doh. Like no one noticed that before. So thats the whole you look like shit but we dont know why thing covered.
In mundane news....show weekend this week. Jaynes got a 'date'. Bitch. he didnt mention that did she???Oh ok, its just a movie with a friend, but Im starved, im practically desperate and im living vicariously through her. If I wanna call it a date I will.
Thought this morning? Ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? Might get one. OH thats right. I did already. Yay me.
The options from yesterday? I was given this one:
im not fine, we dont know whats wrong with you, we know something is, you look like shit, you sound like shit, everything in you has gone to shit and did we mention you look like shit? lets do some more tests......
I didnt even make it out of her surgery before being pricked in the arm and some more of my popular but ever so dwindling blood supply was forcefully removed from me. Sigh. I did however get drugs. This is not making me very happy. For a start, it wasnt the drugs I was expecting, and for a second, its not the drugs I think I need at all. Ive come home with the pill. Yeah. The pill. What the hell do I want with the pill? Does this particular specialist know something I dont? Apparently I need to take the pill because I have to take some hormone blocker thingy that, should i find myself in the middle of a miracle by way of up duffing *in the name of the father and of the son and of the holy spirit amen* this is not a good thingy. Hormone blocker when trying to grow a hormone filled little baby? So they insist you also be on the pill as well. I did try telling doctor that there really was no need, that men were to scared to visit tasmania anyway, unless they were in my fantasies, which is why i mentioend the miracle earlier. I also told her if there was one thing I didnt need, it was more hormones. Ive never been able to take the pill over these years. It turns me into a messy hormonal bitch *shut up Jayne*. But alas, that is what IVe been sent home to do. She gives me a month to get used to the idea before she gives me the blocker. Yay. At which point she tells me I should expect no change for three months: and some slight change by 6 months but generally a couple of years should see it in. WHAT THE FUCK??
Other news? she reckons the rest of it isnt her problem and sent me off to a cardiologist. I have a broken heart. Doh. Like no one noticed that before. So thats the whole you look like shit but we dont know why thing covered.
In mundane news....show weekend this week. Jaynes got a 'date'. Bitch. he didnt mention that did she???Oh ok, its just a movie with a friend, but Im starved, im practically desperate and im living vicariously through her. If I wanna call it a date I will.
Thought this morning? Ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? Might get one. OH thats right. I did already. Yay me.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
So A Few Interesting Things Happened Today Right
Opened my inbox and discovered an email from , lets call her, Joan Doe. Joan was responding to an email sent to her yesterday. Joan said, hey thanks for the funny, miss you heaps, kisses on your man bits, cheers. Actually Joan said in a little bit more graphic detail just exactly what she would like to do to those man bits, but I gave you the general idea. However, this is where Joan came unstuck. One, Im not a man. No Im not. Ok I may be more of a man than most men I know, but Im not actually a man. And I didnt send Joan the funny email she mentioned. That email, the funny one, was also sent to me yestrday by the same person who sent it to her. In fact that same email that was sent to her, and sent to me, was also sent to about ten other people, including the original senders own daughter, who is 8. Heres where Joan stuffed up. I am guessing Joan hit reply to all, rather than just reply. And now all ten other recipients of the original funny email, are now well and truly in the know of what Joan would like to be doing with the original senders man bits. I couldnt resist. I am a bitch afterall.
I caught up with original sender on msn, and said, hey, whos Joan Doe? He says...what the? How would you know Joan? I says, I dont actualy but she just emailed me. He says again, what the? How would Joan know you? I says, Joan doesnt. Joan is also not knowing that if you hit reply all instead of reply, you actually reply to all recipients of the original email, and now Im frantically washing my mind clear of the knowledge that Joan wants to do unspeakable things to your man bits. Original sender laughed at that one. Original sender thinks its funny. I forwarded my email onto original sender, who in the meantime opens his inbox to discover the same email. He laughs some more. Joan, he says, isnt very bright. Joan, I says, in her not quite brightness, also emailed that to your daughter. At which point he frantically opened his daughters email and deleted said mail.
I says to original sender, im gonna reply to her, do you mind? He says, god no have some fun. Heres my email to Joan.
OH yeah baby, kiss my man bits, KISS MY MAN BITS NOW.
Im sorry sweetheart I think you may have mailed me by mistake. Unless you were trying to organise a threesome between me, you and *original sender*. In which case, Im up for it. Im sure he will be up fit, hows friday night for you?
I told original sender that I may have just made a date for us on friday night. Joan mailed me back this evening to turn me down. Sigh. Even girls are scared of me. I cant win.
Other funny of today, there seems to be a financial crisis. I mentioned this to Gaanz who was a little shocked. WE've been blythely spending money you see. Apparently we ought to be saving it for a rainy day. A rainy day. Have you looked outside lately people? Its raining. So we went to op shop today while waiting to make merc payment and I picked myself up a skanky whore vinyl corset. Everyone needs one.
Thought of this instant? Vinyl Corset? Skanky whore? Who me?
Ps, shut up Jayne
I caught up with original sender on msn, and said, hey, whos Joan Doe? He says...what the? How would you know Joan? I says, I dont actualy but she just emailed me. He says again, what the? How would Joan know you? I says, Joan doesnt. Joan is also not knowing that if you hit reply all instead of reply, you actually reply to all recipients of the original email, and now Im frantically washing my mind clear of the knowledge that Joan wants to do unspeakable things to your man bits. Original sender laughed at that one. Original sender thinks its funny. I forwarded my email onto original sender, who in the meantime opens his inbox to discover the same email. He laughs some more. Joan, he says, isnt very bright. Joan, I says, in her not quite brightness, also emailed that to your daughter. At which point he frantically opened his daughters email and deleted said mail.
I says to original sender, im gonna reply to her, do you mind? He says, god no have some fun. Heres my email to Joan.
OH yeah baby, kiss my man bits, KISS MY MAN BITS NOW.
Im sorry sweetheart I think you may have mailed me by mistake. Unless you were trying to organise a threesome between me, you and *original sender*. In which case, Im up for it. Im sure he will be up fit, hows friday night for you?
I told original sender that I may have just made a date for us on friday night. Joan mailed me back this evening to turn me down. Sigh. Even girls are scared of me. I cant win.
Other funny of today, there seems to be a financial crisis. I mentioned this to Gaanz who was a little shocked. WE've been blythely spending money you see. Apparently we ought to be saving it for a rainy day. A rainy day. Have you looked outside lately people? Its raining. So we went to op shop today while waiting to make merc payment and I picked myself up a skanky whore vinyl corset. Everyone needs one.
Thought of this instant? Vinyl Corset? Skanky whore? Who me?
Ps, shut up Jayne
So Im Makin A Merc Payment Today Right
Tis my turn to fork out exorbitant amounts of money to be told either:
im fine
im not fine heres drugs you will be fine
im not fine heres drugs it still wont make you fine but at least others will be able to put with you
im not fine theres no drugs suck it up
im not fine heres a scalpel we are gonna pull this out and that out and this out as well
im not fine, we dont know whats wrong with you, we know something is, you look like shit, you sound like shit, everything in you has gone to shit and did we mention you look like shit? lets do some more tests......
Right well that last option just cost me my train of thought. Ive no idea what I was going to say after that now.
im fine
im not fine heres drugs you will be fine
im not fine heres drugs it still wont make you fine but at least others will be able to put with you
im not fine theres no drugs suck it up
im not fine heres a scalpel we are gonna pull this out and that out and this out as well
im not fine, we dont know whats wrong with you, we know something is, you look like shit, you sound like shit, everything in you has gone to shit and did we mention you look like shit? lets do some more tests......
Right well that last option just cost me my train of thought. Ive no idea what I was going to say after that now.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
So Stolichnaya Loves Me Like No Man Ever Has Right?
Ok Jayne, yes I stole your line. And modified it. I cant come at this Absolut you rave about. Im a purist. If its not russian, its not vodka.
I like Stolichnaya, its so dependable. Reliable. Good at what it does. Handy when some bastard you considered going out for dinner with tells you your blog is, and I quote,......tedium.
Tedium. I have never been described as tedium. Tenacious yes, inimitable yes. Intoxicating even. Boring and the same and not at all gripping? Hell no. I think I just had another manment.
We shall no longer be naming our potential dates, or indeed, our actual dates as just Jack. No, we now have a whole new category to work with. Lets call him Tosser1. In fact, Im surprised its taken me this long to use that category. Considering some of the dates Ive recently been on. And I didnt even go on a date with Tosser1. YET. I stalled the first few mentions because I feel that if somone wants to date you straight up, then they want to 'date' you. In fact, we have had actual discussions whereby Tosser1 has told me that he's not like other men *none of them ever are!!* and he's quite offended that I keep telling him his constant efforts at polite discussion are taken by me as an attempt to get into my knickies ....and nothing else. **and buddy, I did tell you your name would be up in lights in here after that conversation so dont act surprised. I even told you you would get some descriptive name to be chosen while I was weilding a knife in the kitchen making those salads I had mentioned. I must apologise though. It seems I have lied to you. I suggested I would be opening a bottle of wine to sook into. That isnt the case. An unintentional lie, but a lie nonetheless. There was no wine. A tragedy in itself. Thankfully there was Stolli, and I have not taken your advice and not blogged while drinking. IN fact, yes Tosser1 I am even drinking at this very second....**
Tosser1, I feel a numbering system really ought to be used. I have a feeling this will not be my last encounter with a man worthy of the tosser label. You, though Tosser1, are the first to be numbered so. Feel special? Wanna do that dinner date now? Heres the problem. Tosser1, before he became Tosser1 and I have had a few conversations that have left him saying, lets part company hey? And me saying well thats a bit harsh isnt it? And him agreeing that yes that is indeed a bit harsh and so we have forged on anyway, regardless. I assume he agrees that is a bit harsh because in so doing would only prove my point that he just wanted to get into my knickies. And fine knickies they are too. Ask Jayne, I txted her a pic of them. Not the point. Tosser1 and I are not destined to date. Which in itself means I have to now date him. How can I not date the one person who does not like my style of telling a story? How can I not date the one person who, if only for a blog entry, actually sounds like the sort of man I would want to date?
I love opinionated people. I do. I just love them more when its my opinion they are being opinionated about. I like people with strong convictions. I like people who arent afraid to go against the grain and say it like it is. I like people who dont eat freaking pasta. Pasta is not a date food. Pasta is what you curl up in front of the tv with, ugg boots and trakkys on, with a nice bottle of wine, a roaring fire and From Here To Eternity to entertain your already entertained self. I like people who bother me enough to make it into my blog. Or impress me enough to make it into my blog. I like my blog!
He says, lets do dinner, you can prove me wrong in the flash. Flash? A typo of course. As if I would flash a guy who just said I was boring. In the flesh he meant. I asks him, I says, why would you want to do dinner with someone who bores you? He says, nevermind. This bothers me, and now I have to do dinner with him to find out why he wants to do dinner with someone who bores him.
However, precious daughter closed my msn box while I was weilding the knife in the kitchen and now I dont know whether he still wants to do dinner with me anyway. Actually I dont know whether I can even do dinner.
I can tell you this much, should I find myself on a date with this man, it will not be in my most gorgeous dress. I dont actually feel any need to impress him with a flash, or in the flesh. The very fact he bothered to be bored by me, and still said lets do dinner on friday, means I impressed him enough. I dont think he really knows what he is getting himself into. I can hold my own over a pool table, over a bottle of wine with friends, over a coffee with the Ambasador to Angola, over a heated discussion about the pro's and con's of logging in Tasmania, and over a plate of anything other than pasta with some guy who thinks im boring. The Princess of Tragic experience is not for the faint hearted, but it is not one that people forget easily.
Thought for this manment? To dinner or not to dinner. That is the question.
I like Stolichnaya, its so dependable. Reliable. Good at what it does. Handy when some bastard you considered going out for dinner with tells you your blog is, and I quote,......tedium.
Tedium. I have never been described as tedium. Tenacious yes, inimitable yes. Intoxicating even. Boring and the same and not at all gripping? Hell no. I think I just had another manment.
We shall no longer be naming our potential dates, or indeed, our actual dates as just Jack. No, we now have a whole new category to work with. Lets call him Tosser1. In fact, Im surprised its taken me this long to use that category. Considering some of the dates Ive recently been on. And I didnt even go on a date with Tosser1. YET. I stalled the first few mentions because I feel that if somone wants to date you straight up, then they want to 'date' you. In fact, we have had actual discussions whereby Tosser1 has told me that he's not like other men *none of them ever are!!* and he's quite offended that I keep telling him his constant efforts at polite discussion are taken by me as an attempt to get into my knickies ....and nothing else. **and buddy, I did tell you your name would be up in lights in here after that conversation so dont act surprised. I even told you you would get some descriptive name to be chosen while I was weilding a knife in the kitchen making those salads I had mentioned. I must apologise though. It seems I have lied to you. I suggested I would be opening a bottle of wine to sook into. That isnt the case. An unintentional lie, but a lie nonetheless. There was no wine. A tragedy in itself. Thankfully there was Stolli, and I have not taken your advice and not blogged while drinking. IN fact, yes Tosser1 I am even drinking at this very second....**
Tosser1, I feel a numbering system really ought to be used. I have a feeling this will not be my last encounter with a man worthy of the tosser label. You, though Tosser1, are the first to be numbered so. Feel special? Wanna do that dinner date now? Heres the problem. Tosser1, before he became Tosser1 and I have had a few conversations that have left him saying, lets part company hey? And me saying well thats a bit harsh isnt it? And him agreeing that yes that is indeed a bit harsh and so we have forged on anyway, regardless. I assume he agrees that is a bit harsh because in so doing would only prove my point that he just wanted to get into my knickies. And fine knickies they are too. Ask Jayne, I txted her a pic of them. Not the point. Tosser1 and I are not destined to date. Which in itself means I have to now date him. How can I not date the one person who does not like my style of telling a story? How can I not date the one person who, if only for a blog entry, actually sounds like the sort of man I would want to date?
I love opinionated people. I do. I just love them more when its my opinion they are being opinionated about. I like people with strong convictions. I like people who arent afraid to go against the grain and say it like it is. I like people who dont eat freaking pasta. Pasta is not a date food. Pasta is what you curl up in front of the tv with, ugg boots and trakkys on, with a nice bottle of wine, a roaring fire and From Here To Eternity to entertain your already entertained self. I like people who bother me enough to make it into my blog. Or impress me enough to make it into my blog. I like my blog!
He says, lets do dinner, you can prove me wrong in the flash. Flash? A typo of course. As if I would flash a guy who just said I was boring. In the flesh he meant. I asks him, I says, why would you want to do dinner with someone who bores you? He says, nevermind. This bothers me, and now I have to do dinner with him to find out why he wants to do dinner with someone who bores him.
However, precious daughter closed my msn box while I was weilding the knife in the kitchen and now I dont know whether he still wants to do dinner with me anyway. Actually I dont know whether I can even do dinner.
I can tell you this much, should I find myself on a date with this man, it will not be in my most gorgeous dress. I dont actually feel any need to impress him with a flash, or in the flesh. The very fact he bothered to be bored by me, and still said lets do dinner on friday, means I impressed him enough. I dont think he really knows what he is getting himself into. I can hold my own over a pool table, over a bottle of wine with friends, over a coffee with the Ambasador to Angola, over a heated discussion about the pro's and con's of logging in Tasmania, and over a plate of anything other than pasta with some guy who thinks im boring. The Princess of Tragic experience is not for the faint hearted, but it is not one that people forget easily.
Thought for this manment? To dinner or not to dinner. That is the question.
So Men? It really is raining right?
And you thought I ws just singing a silly song. Its actually raining men people.
Im so popular! Yeah, right. The wrong men at the wrong times for all the wrong reasons. Sigh. Yes I know, havent I come ever so far to know it too?? All these gorgeous gorgeous men, and they all want me. Its good to be me. Until, the me part they want is a me part I dont wanna part with. Then, yes Jayne, it sucks to be me. Sigh again.
First, the What the moment of last night. TXT TXT. Wh's that. Oh. Its Hot Date. Whats he going to get up me now for??? It rains in NSW. A lot. Thats his text. What is that about? Why is even talking to me. I remember very distinctly him telling me how bad a person I was because I usually stayed friends with my exes. Not the husbands, im not friends with them. Who would be? But the others I am friends with. Friendsish really. Im not against having a happy lil chat with them, is about the sum of it. Im not actually having any round for xmas drinks. NOt the point. Why is he even texting me when he quite cleverely *yeah???* dumped me and made me his ex, thus negating any need to have anything at all to do with me? I texts back, yes, it always does where I am. Rain goddess at play. I says. He texts back, yes I have noticed. I says, what can I say, its a gift. NO one else can take an entire state and flood half of it, just be being in it. He says, well stop it I want to enjoy the surf, its been a while. This made me take notice. Hes trying to tell me something here, or bragging. Probably bragging. No. He is trying to tell me something in that, i dont have to tell you anything sort of way men have. Surf? Enjoy it? The man is from the tropics, they dont enjoy surf there, they get eaten by crocs and stung by jelly fish. NO one enjoys the surf there at all. Hes not there is he. Which is what he is trying to tell me. Add to that the nsw mention. OH dear god hes here somewhere. STalker alert. Stalker alert. So I txts back, You are in nsw? He says, *insert name of town he is in up the road from you rd, quite a way up the road but up the road none the less*. I didnt txt back. Why? Im pissed at him anyway. He argued with me on valentines day. Thats appalling. He is so dumped. OH hang on, I was already so dumped by him, so what the fuck is he doing keepin up a nice lil to and fro with his ex??? This is not his scene at all. Unless I totally dont know th eman, which IM thinking, is possibly the case. Rain factor? Slight drizzzle.
HIM who has to be got rid of today, signs into msn. I tells Jayne right away, that he's signed in and im not gonna answer him he can damn well see how it feels to be left hanging. I know. Im such a bitch. Thats what Jayne said too. No, I couldnt talk to him, else I would have ended up having the conversaton that really ought to be a face to face but has to be a phone to phone as an msn to msn, which would have totally lacked class. And if theres one thing I have in spades its ass. I mean, class. Rain factor? definate drizzle.
Ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? Chattted half the night whereby I had to bribe him but he agreed to be my date for an upcoming wedding in July. Provided of course I havent found anyone to replace him with. Its been 18 years mate, obviously I dont move that fast! Rain factor? Possibly on my parade for saying yes, with a but, so make that Definately raining.
Mr Fabulous. OH dear god how fabulous. You might have noticed my references to fabulous recently. Bless his lil heart, and his big..capacity to have fun. Shut up Jayne. Texted me last night as well. Just remember, it says, I love everything about you, and wait for your return. Ok, call the bureau of meterology, we definately have a flood warning.
And so goes the matter of my manments. Another new word. The moments I have with a man that make me go What the?? I think I need to get laid. Shut up rd. Im inventing far too many words that involve men. Good looking, glorious, gorgeous, heart beating fast type men. Men who are either far too good for me, so they say, or Im far too good for them, so I say. Im not often right, but in this instance, I am.
Thought for the day...Ark, must build one.
Im so popular! Yeah, right. The wrong men at the wrong times for all the wrong reasons. Sigh. Yes I know, havent I come ever so far to know it too?? All these gorgeous gorgeous men, and they all want me. Its good to be me. Until, the me part they want is a me part I dont wanna part with. Then, yes Jayne, it sucks to be me. Sigh again.
First, the What the moment of last night. TXT TXT. Wh's that. Oh. Its Hot Date. Whats he going to get up me now for??? It rains in NSW. A lot. Thats his text. What is that about? Why is even talking to me. I remember very distinctly him telling me how bad a person I was because I usually stayed friends with my exes. Not the husbands, im not friends with them. Who would be? But the others I am friends with. Friendsish really. Im not against having a happy lil chat with them, is about the sum of it. Im not actually having any round for xmas drinks. NOt the point. Why is he even texting me when he quite cleverely *yeah???* dumped me and made me his ex, thus negating any need to have anything at all to do with me? I texts back, yes, it always does where I am. Rain goddess at play. I says. He texts back, yes I have noticed. I says, what can I say, its a gift. NO one else can take an entire state and flood half of it, just be being in it. He says, well stop it I want to enjoy the surf, its been a while. This made me take notice. Hes trying to tell me something here, or bragging. Probably bragging. No. He is trying to tell me something in that, i dont have to tell you anything sort of way men have. Surf? Enjoy it? The man is from the tropics, they dont enjoy surf there, they get eaten by crocs and stung by jelly fish. NO one enjoys the surf there at all. Hes not there is he. Which is what he is trying to tell me. Add to that the nsw mention. OH dear god hes here somewhere. STalker alert. Stalker alert. So I txts back, You are in nsw? He says, *insert name of town he is in up the road from you rd, quite a way up the road but up the road none the less*. I didnt txt back. Why? Im pissed at him anyway. He argued with me on valentines day. Thats appalling. He is so dumped. OH hang on, I was already so dumped by him, so what the fuck is he doing keepin up a nice lil to and fro with his ex??? This is not his scene at all. Unless I totally dont know th eman, which IM thinking, is possibly the case. Rain factor? Slight drizzzle.
HIM who has to be got rid of today, signs into msn. I tells Jayne right away, that he's signed in and im not gonna answer him he can damn well see how it feels to be left hanging. I know. Im such a bitch. Thats what Jayne said too. No, I couldnt talk to him, else I would have ended up having the conversaton that really ought to be a face to face but has to be a phone to phone as an msn to msn, which would have totally lacked class. And if theres one thing I have in spades its ass. I mean, class. Rain factor? definate drizzle.
Ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? Chattted half the night whereby I had to bribe him but he agreed to be my date for an upcoming wedding in July. Provided of course I havent found anyone to replace him with. Its been 18 years mate, obviously I dont move that fast! Rain factor? Possibly on my parade for saying yes, with a but, so make that Definately raining.
Mr Fabulous. OH dear god how fabulous. You might have noticed my references to fabulous recently. Bless his lil heart, and his big..capacity to have fun. Shut up Jayne. Texted me last night as well. Just remember, it says, I love everything about you, and wait for your return. Ok, call the bureau of meterology, we definately have a flood warning.
And so goes the matter of my manments. Another new word. The moments I have with a man that make me go What the?? I think I need to get laid. Shut up rd. Im inventing far too many words that involve men. Good looking, glorious, gorgeous, heart beating fast type men. Men who are either far too good for me, so they say, or Im far too good for them, so I say. Im not often right, but in this instance, I am.
Thought for the day...Ark, must build one.
So I Have To Do Something Tomorrow I Dont Want To Do Right
Dont you hate that? Its not that I dont want to do it. I do. Else I wouldnt be doing it. I just dont want to do it. But If I dont do it, it wont get done, and I will hate that at least as much as doing it. So I have to do it.
I dont like doing things I dont want to do. Which is why its handy that this is something I do want to do, just not in a do want to do sort of way. I dont think Ive ever done something like this before. Ok I have done something like this before, just not done it knowing the repercussions of it all. Not for me. For him.
See, I have this 'friend' right? But he's got to go. He has to not be my 'friend' anymore. Which is sad. For him I mean. Yes its sad for me too. But it has to be done. This is not the next love of my life, and shit, Im getting far too old to drag these things out any longer than they should be dragged out. Im getting old people. I cant waste the last baby bearing years of my life on some guy who I know it isnt going to work out with anyway. NOt that I plan on bearing any more babies, dont panic Gaanz, but my last baby bearing years, is a bit of a euphemism for, the last years of my life of the greatest sex I will ever have. We all know it goes downhill after menopause comes. I read that sex for after menopause women becomes quite liberating because they no longer have to worry about the babies that could be coming. Thats fine. However, Im thinking that after menopause women are probably having sex with men at least as old. And everyone knows men over 32 suck in bed. NO? Oh, must just be me who was fed that bullshit by my bastard husband.
The thing is this. I have to ring him tomorrow and say mate, its just not gonna happen. Its just not happening for me now, its just not gonna happen for me tomorrow and its just not gonna happen for me anytime at all. This, is going to break his nice heart. He is a nice man. He is. Of course, he would have been a lot nicer had he not left me hanging all valentines day. If he had of not left me hanging by disappearing off the face of the earth for two days. If he had of remembered he has a mobile phone and he can actually use it. Its a blackberry. Is that what they are called? Maybe he cant use it? High tech numbers they are. Not the point. He has access to a phone, can he not use it? Ok, so im sounding a little high maintenance here. Im sounding a little needy. Im sounding a little on the pathetic clingy side. Tough. Thats the way the cookie crumbles Im afraid. Or doesnt crumble at all, as the case maybe.
He was supposed to come up and see me this weekend. Which is why I have to ring him tomorrow. Thats what Jayne says. I says, cmon theres options here isnt there? Do I have to do it beforehand? Isnt this a better face to face conversation? Should I wait for him to come then drop it on him? Should I drop it on him as he is about to leave? Should I drop it on him when he gets home after having been here?
So a problem. Not really a phone call conversation. Though Ive heard worse conversatons happen over the phone. Heres one I prepared earlier...
Ring Ring
Me..Hello?
Husband...yeah its me, your dumped
Me...Helllo??? Helllo??? HELLO????
Ok so its not quite as bad as that kind of conversation, but its still not really a phone conversation. HOwever, its probably not really a face to face conversation considering the four hour drive he has to make to come up for the weekend. So Jayne is right. Why am I even friends with her? While it would be a better face to face conversation, its just not going to be possible and considering the alternatives, this is the best option. So I have to phone him tomorrow. Yay?
Thought for the night before I head to bed......Ball breaking heart breaking bitch? Present.
I dont like doing things I dont want to do. Which is why its handy that this is something I do want to do, just not in a do want to do sort of way. I dont think Ive ever done something like this before. Ok I have done something like this before, just not done it knowing the repercussions of it all. Not for me. For him.
See, I have this 'friend' right? But he's got to go. He has to not be my 'friend' anymore. Which is sad. For him I mean. Yes its sad for me too. But it has to be done. This is not the next love of my life, and shit, Im getting far too old to drag these things out any longer than they should be dragged out. Im getting old people. I cant waste the last baby bearing years of my life on some guy who I know it isnt going to work out with anyway. NOt that I plan on bearing any more babies, dont panic Gaanz, but my last baby bearing years, is a bit of a euphemism for, the last years of my life of the greatest sex I will ever have. We all know it goes downhill after menopause comes. I read that sex for after menopause women becomes quite liberating because they no longer have to worry about the babies that could be coming. Thats fine. However, Im thinking that after menopause women are probably having sex with men at least as old. And everyone knows men over 32 suck in bed. NO? Oh, must just be me who was fed that bullshit by my bastard husband.
The thing is this. I have to ring him tomorrow and say mate, its just not gonna happen. Its just not happening for me now, its just not gonna happen for me tomorrow and its just not gonna happen for me anytime at all. This, is going to break his nice heart. He is a nice man. He is. Of course, he would have been a lot nicer had he not left me hanging all valentines day. If he had of not left me hanging by disappearing off the face of the earth for two days. If he had of remembered he has a mobile phone and he can actually use it. Its a blackberry. Is that what they are called? Maybe he cant use it? High tech numbers they are. Not the point. He has access to a phone, can he not use it? Ok, so im sounding a little high maintenance here. Im sounding a little needy. Im sounding a little on the pathetic clingy side. Tough. Thats the way the cookie crumbles Im afraid. Or doesnt crumble at all, as the case maybe.
He was supposed to come up and see me this weekend. Which is why I have to ring him tomorrow. Thats what Jayne says. I says, cmon theres options here isnt there? Do I have to do it beforehand? Isnt this a better face to face conversation? Should I wait for him to come then drop it on him? Should I drop it on him as he is about to leave? Should I drop it on him when he gets home after having been here?
So a problem. Not really a phone call conversation. Though Ive heard worse conversatons happen over the phone. Heres one I prepared earlier...
Ring Ring
Me..Hello?
Husband...yeah its me, your dumped
Me...Helllo??? Helllo??? HELLO????
Ok so its not quite as bad as that kind of conversation, but its still not really a phone conversation. HOwever, its probably not really a face to face conversation considering the four hour drive he has to make to come up for the weekend. So Jayne is right. Why am I even friends with her? While it would be a better face to face conversation, its just not going to be possible and considering the alternatives, this is the best option. So I have to phone him tomorrow. Yay?
Thought for the night before I head to bed......Ball breaking heart breaking bitch? Present.
Monday, February 16, 2009
So Thats In My Face Jayne Right?
Oh check out my horroscope offering for today? One thing I have noticed is this....my stars dont tell me what I need to know on this day, they tell me in three days time what I need to know today. Bastards. This has happened so often lately Im positive the universe is telling me that Im an idiot.
Today, Princess, you might feel the urge to make an absolute and unqualified declaration of love. This is fine if you've been involved for a while, though your partner could still feel overwhelmed. If this is a new relationship, beware! Your friend could feel that this is too much too soon, and respond by backing off or even dropping out of sight. Exercise restraint whatever the circumstances, or you might have the opposite effect from what you're hoping for.
Yep, that showed me didnt it? Although, I never mentioned Love you dickheaded stars. I said Fuck.
Yeah go ahead and laugh it up Jayne, your day will come. And that day, thats the day you will go...OOOOOOOOOOOH so thats why she is friends with me.
Bloody friends, and bloody men, and bloody hell! I recently joined facebook, as you know, and I joined a few groups. One is, my friends are getting married, and im just getting drunk. You know why Im getting drunk? Cos my friends are getting married, or married like, or at least freaking dated. Hell even rd went to the dark side. And No one saw that coming, not even him! Seems love is in the air, love is all round and love is just a pain in my ass. Well, could be, might be, if they werent all so fucking scared of me. At least Jayne took pity on me. WE are now listed in facebook as in a relationship, but its complicated. Of course its complicated. All my relationships are complicated. Even the ones Im not having are complicated. Why would the ones I am having not be complicated?
Thought for the day...ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? where have you been for the last 18 years?
Today, Princess, you might feel the urge to make an absolute and unqualified declaration of love. This is fine if you've been involved for a while, though your partner could still feel overwhelmed. If this is a new relationship, beware! Your friend could feel that this is too much too soon, and respond by backing off or even dropping out of sight. Exercise restraint whatever the circumstances, or you might have the opposite effect from what you're hoping for.
Yep, that showed me didnt it? Although, I never mentioned Love you dickheaded stars. I said Fuck.
Yeah go ahead and laugh it up Jayne, your day will come. And that day, thats the day you will go...OOOOOOOOOOOH so thats why she is friends with me.
Bloody friends, and bloody men, and bloody hell! I recently joined facebook, as you know, and I joined a few groups. One is, my friends are getting married, and im just getting drunk. You know why Im getting drunk? Cos my friends are getting married, or married like, or at least freaking dated. Hell even rd went to the dark side. And No one saw that coming, not even him! Seems love is in the air, love is all round and love is just a pain in my ass. Well, could be, might be, if they werent all so fucking scared of me. At least Jayne took pity on me. WE are now listed in facebook as in a relationship, but its complicated. Of course its complicated. All my relationships are complicated. Even the ones Im not having are complicated. Why would the ones I am having not be complicated?
Thought for the day...ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? where have you been for the last 18 years?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
So Thats Not A Good Sign Right
My 'friend', the recipient of the valentines day card? Has totally disappeared off the face of the earth. Ok, not the whole earth, just my lil view of it. What the?
I texted Jayne yesterday, I says, its half two and not a word from HIM, hes so dropped. She says thats appalling and yes, dropped is what he should be. Half an hour after that I got a text saying, ,thanks for my card. Then at half five he gets on msn and says, did you get my ecard? I says no. We natter away a bit, I says, did you like your card, I shopped ever so hard for it. He says, its very nice. WE natter away some more. There was a rather intimate conversation had, which I wont go into details over, but lets just say this.....I have a feeling that buddhist bastard isnt the only person who is intimidated by my sexuality. Cos HIM suddenly had to go to bed for an early night and hasnt been seen since. Thats on top of the brush off I got yesterday, and the practically no show of the days before.
He is so dropped. Although, Ive never been very clever when it comes to men, perhaps I am so dropped?
And I wonder why my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago cant help but hear this song and think of me.
The days and nights you sit around wondering
where canShe be
Hoping that she might appear, out of nowhere
But you fail to see
All the hurt inside, the wounded pride
Ooh what she went through for you
You cheated and lied, as her love slowly died
And her heart just broke in two
When she was with you, all along
Behind you right or wrong
She tried to hold on, hold on
But you went too far, and shes gone
And now its over and her heart turns to stone
No time for pity, when her heart turns to stone
She cries a little as her heart turns to stone
Shes that kind of woman
Shell do fine on her own
What you thought was a game
A game you were winning
Wouldnt go your way
Now youve lost what you had
And your back to the beginning
Its the price you have to pay
When she was with you, all along
Behind you right or wrong
She tried to hold on, hold on
But you went too far, and shes gone
And now its over and her heart turns to stone
No time for pity, when her heart turns to stone
She cries a little as her heart turns to stone
Shes that kind of woman
Shell get by on her own
She hides the pain
But her heart turns to stone
No time for pity
When her heart turns to stone
She cries sometimes
As her heart turns to stone
Shes that kind of woman
Shell get by on her own
Yeah its over
And her heart turns to stone
Dont look for pity now
When her heart turns to stone
Listen to her cry
Listen to her cry
Shes a woman now
Ooh its a sad thing to see
To see a heart turn to stone
The heart of a woman
A heart turned to stone
Holy fuck, Im not that scary am I? Why is it then, that men, and I use that term ever so fucking loosely, keep telling me that my sexuality is almost overwhelming?
You know what? I would say, fuck em, but apparently, me fucking them is just too damn much for them.
Thought for the day? FUCK
I texted Jayne yesterday, I says, its half two and not a word from HIM, hes so dropped. She says thats appalling and yes, dropped is what he should be. Half an hour after that I got a text saying, ,thanks for my card. Then at half five he gets on msn and says, did you get my ecard? I says no. We natter away a bit, I says, did you like your card, I shopped ever so hard for it. He says, its very nice. WE natter away some more. There was a rather intimate conversation had, which I wont go into details over, but lets just say this.....I have a feeling that buddhist bastard isnt the only person who is intimidated by my sexuality. Cos HIM suddenly had to go to bed for an early night and hasnt been seen since. Thats on top of the brush off I got yesterday, and the practically no show of the days before.
He is so dropped. Although, Ive never been very clever when it comes to men, perhaps I am so dropped?
And I wonder why my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago cant help but hear this song and think of me.
The days and nights you sit around wondering
where canShe be
Hoping that she might appear, out of nowhere
But you fail to see
All the hurt inside, the wounded pride
Ooh what she went through for you
You cheated and lied, as her love slowly died
And her heart just broke in two
When she was with you, all along
Behind you right or wrong
She tried to hold on, hold on
But you went too far, and shes gone
And now its over and her heart turns to stone
No time for pity, when her heart turns to stone
She cries a little as her heart turns to stone
Shes that kind of woman
Shell do fine on her own
What you thought was a game
A game you were winning
Wouldnt go your way
Now youve lost what you had
And your back to the beginning
Its the price you have to pay
When she was with you, all along
Behind you right or wrong
She tried to hold on, hold on
But you went too far, and shes gone
And now its over and her heart turns to stone
No time for pity, when her heart turns to stone
She cries a little as her heart turns to stone
Shes that kind of woman
Shell get by on her own
She hides the pain
But her heart turns to stone
No time for pity
When her heart turns to stone
She cries sometimes
As her heart turns to stone
Shes that kind of woman
Shell get by on her own
Yeah its over
And her heart turns to stone
Dont look for pity now
When her heart turns to stone
Listen to her cry
Listen to her cry
Shes a woman now
Ooh its a sad thing to see
To see a heart turn to stone
The heart of a woman
A heart turned to stone
Holy fuck, Im not that scary am I? Why is it then, that men, and I use that term ever so fucking loosely, keep telling me that my sexuality is almost overwhelming?
You know what? I would say, fuck em, but apparently, me fucking them is just too damn much for them.
Thought for the day? FUCK
So My Desk Right
I wanted to share my space with you. Which will also be sharing a lot about me that you might not know. Or want to know. Or indeed even survive knowing that now you know.
Ive an L shaped desk. The short end of the L holds my computer and the long end of the L runs for 4.5m. Ok, so I like to spread out.
The short end.....from left to right. Coffee cup with Mission Australia logo on the front and hand autographed by me, for when I am famous, so I dont forget the charities along the way who helped me out when I needed a helping out. This sits on a saucer hand painted by number one son when he was 5. Behind it, sits my network thingy with a blue light that flashes on and off and has me connected to the net via the connection in Gaanz's room. Coffee cup is filled with pens and pencils. Next a blue tea light candleabra liberated from Gaanz in the big move. Beside it, way at the back, a hip flask. Its not mine. In fact, its my bastard husbands. He got it for his 21st. Its engraved of course. Found it while I was packing to move. Keep it to remind myself the man was a major contributor to my drinking habit. See a sort of perverse irony in keeping a drinking container as a reminder of my drinking habit.
PC in the corner part and lets head on down the long end of the L.
Gorgeous lil red martini set given to me by Gaanz. Another drinking apparatus. Oh dear. I might have a drinking habit. Then comes my stress balls. Ive broken them. Do you know how distressing it is to have broken your stress balls? These ones chime as you roll them around. But I dropped one and cracked it. They are no longer making beautiful music for me. Then I have a tea cup attached to a saucer and the rim of the saucer is covered in fake roses. In pink of course. It houses a tea light candle as well. Then my books I cant be without. The dictionary, thank you Gaanz, tho you know Im still going to ask you what stuff means, two bibles, one can never be enough, I have four bibles. A calendar, and my purple book, with the scribblings of short stories I write when I am suddenly consumed by the need to write something. Its full mind you. Great stories in there. One in particular I totally adore. These are ended by book ends. My own personal touch. Bollinger bottles. Ok, so IM all class.
Moving further along, is the dish. It gets all manner of useless stuff thrown into it, but I hate mess, so it all needs a home. It sits under the plaque my daddy gave me, remember? Daughters are a blessing?? Some photo albums, two of, both empty. Thats a bit telling isnt it?
Further along, a basket full of bath and beauty type products. And a suitable space between it and a big glass bowl also full of bath and beauty type products. In between, is my perfume, my aftershave and my oil burner. Yes, my aftershave. I have some. I like how it smells. I often wear it. But mostly.............I spray it on my pillows, close my eyes and fantasize, or dream, or a bit of both.
And that is my space. This afternoon. Last night all empty surface space was covered in empty wine bottles, half empty bottles of water, three empty cigarette packets, 8 lighters, two handgrips for strengthening my well, hands I guess, two wine glasses, and an empty bottle of champagne.
Ok, fine Jayne. I was drinking. Why am I even friends with you?
Ive an L shaped desk. The short end of the L holds my computer and the long end of the L runs for 4.5m. Ok, so I like to spread out.
The short end.....from left to right. Coffee cup with Mission Australia logo on the front and hand autographed by me, for when I am famous, so I dont forget the charities along the way who helped me out when I needed a helping out. This sits on a saucer hand painted by number one son when he was 5. Behind it, sits my network thingy with a blue light that flashes on and off and has me connected to the net via the connection in Gaanz's room. Coffee cup is filled with pens and pencils. Next a blue tea light candleabra liberated from Gaanz in the big move. Beside it, way at the back, a hip flask. Its not mine. In fact, its my bastard husbands. He got it for his 21st. Its engraved of course. Found it while I was packing to move. Keep it to remind myself the man was a major contributor to my drinking habit. See a sort of perverse irony in keeping a drinking container as a reminder of my drinking habit.
PC in the corner part and lets head on down the long end of the L.
Gorgeous lil red martini set given to me by Gaanz. Another drinking apparatus. Oh dear. I might have a drinking habit. Then comes my stress balls. Ive broken them. Do you know how distressing it is to have broken your stress balls? These ones chime as you roll them around. But I dropped one and cracked it. They are no longer making beautiful music for me. Then I have a tea cup attached to a saucer and the rim of the saucer is covered in fake roses. In pink of course. It houses a tea light candle as well. Then my books I cant be without. The dictionary, thank you Gaanz, tho you know Im still going to ask you what stuff means, two bibles, one can never be enough, I have four bibles. A calendar, and my purple book, with the scribblings of short stories I write when I am suddenly consumed by the need to write something. Its full mind you. Great stories in there. One in particular I totally adore. These are ended by book ends. My own personal touch. Bollinger bottles. Ok, so IM all class.
Moving further along, is the dish. It gets all manner of useless stuff thrown into it, but I hate mess, so it all needs a home. It sits under the plaque my daddy gave me, remember? Daughters are a blessing?? Some photo albums, two of, both empty. Thats a bit telling isnt it?
Further along, a basket full of bath and beauty type products. And a suitable space between it and a big glass bowl also full of bath and beauty type products. In between, is my perfume, my aftershave and my oil burner. Yes, my aftershave. I have some. I like how it smells. I often wear it. But mostly.............I spray it on my pillows, close my eyes and fantasize, or dream, or a bit of both.
And that is my space. This afternoon. Last night all empty surface space was covered in empty wine bottles, half empty bottles of water, three empty cigarette packets, 8 lighters, two handgrips for strengthening my well, hands I guess, two wine glasses, and an empty bottle of champagne.
Ok, fine Jayne. I was drinking. Why am I even friends with you?
So I Was On The Phone Last Night Right
A lot. I was on the phone an awful lot last night, both batteries went flat. The phone batteries. Shut Up Jayne. Everyone was either in crisis and they knew it, or in crisis and they didnt know it. Either way, I was on the phone half the night.
First up Jack1. After that mass txting of the valentines cutesy wutesy, he actually phoned me last night to see if I wanted to get laid. Yep. Thats what I said. God I can pick them can't I? That one, he was in crisis and he knew it, he just was also in another crisis and didnt know at the same time. YOU dont booty call me. Thats rude. I can, however, booty call much as I want, but I'll be stuffed if IM having some guy booty call me. It just doesnt work that way. And no amount of feeling pathetic about valentines day is gonna get me to answer a booty call. Might depend on who called I guess. NO. Like I said, I can make the booty call, I do not get booty called. Thats just wrong on so many levels. Unfair of me yes, but so what? I dont care. My rules are for me. As long as I like them, thats all that matters. Freaking booty call me? I dont think so.
The ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? He needed help with his msn messenger. Crisis he knew he was in? Couldnt work messenger. Crisis he didnt know he was in? That boy has webcam! And I was allllll for getting his messenger sorted. Though, I probably shouldnt have. Cos once that happened, there he was, in the flesh, so to speak at least, right in front of me, AND LOOKING AS EXACTLY DELICIOUS AS HE WAS ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. Reallly weird it was. I sort of sat back in my seat with my hands over my mouth *not to cover the cold sores people, i dont have a cam, he cant see me* in the classic OMFREAKINGGOD pose people get when they are actually oh my freaking godding. Godding is not a word. Not the point. Now Im in a crisis I didnt know I was in.
See, the funny thing about memories, and menomories is YOU get to choose how you are going to see the memory. You can choose to see only the good, or the bad. The ever so hot, or the ever so not. Its all your choice. Me? I chose to remember something else at the exact moment that boy flashed up on my screen. I think we have an answer here people to the age old question....What the hell did I ever see in that greek god of mine? I had the strangest sense of de ja vu. Seriously. Ok, so heres a boy I spent an obscenely large amount of time kissing way back in my younger, more formulative years, who I have always thought so.......so.......whats the fondly equivalent that means i might actually die if I dont have this man right now?? Fondly doesnt realllly cover it does it? Whatever, so lets just use fondly? Its polite, I can be polite sometimes. So heres this boy from way back, from before greek god days, that I have always thought so fondly of, i just could never rmember his damn name! Not the point. I wanted him way back then, *as only an 18 year old girl can want a guy in as much as if they dont have them their whole lives will be ruined and they wont ever be able to go on, their cookie shaped hearts will be broken in two sort of want, the usual sort, you kow how it goes*. And it wasnt because he was ever so hot. Granted, he was ever so hot. He still is. NOt the point. It was because he was different. The same as me type different. But different to the same as me. So was that greek god of mine.
Anyway, that greek god of mine? was always shy about his body. Which, was quite greek god like so no shyness needed that. It looked good. Seems my ever so hot friend of 18 years back, was shy bout his bod back then, and still is. Didnt grow up all, you know, look at me im hot, like most people who are hot do. And he is hot people. Hot. YOu know Im a sucker for arms. Arms are my thing. And there is this set staring me in the face, this set that are sooooo worth staring at. I can just picture myself wrapped up in them. In fact, Im seeing myself about to have an 18 year old girl episode whereby my life will be over if i dont actually wrap myself up in them. OH SHIT, this is not good. This is very greek god like.
Stop me, stop me now.
No hang on a second.....my ever so hot friend was around before the greek god was. And I never got my ever so hot friend all those years ago. His heart, was not entwined with mine. His tongue, yes. His heart, no. We only spent a short time together, the ever so hot friend of 18 years ago and I. I was leaving town. It was all set in stone in already. Couldnt be changed. And, as an 18 year old, I wouldnt have changed it anyway. Its not what I did as an 18 year old. I made a plan, and it just happened. Changing my mind along the way, did not happen at all often. This plan, this leaving town plan, couldnt be changed. I could, however, have gone back. Couldnt I? I could have. I didnt. I did spend a fair amount of time, usually when my tongue was wrapped around someone elses, thinking about him after I had left. Dont blush people, I was 18, my cookie was far more important to me than my heart was. Wasnt it? If my cookie was far more important than my heart was......and I find myself wrapped up in the arms of my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, 18 actual years ago, why was my cookie still in the jar? NO, my ever so hot friend and I, never did it. And that, I think is the problem here. I didnt get what I wanted. And being 18 years old, thats pretty important. In fact, not getting what you want is pretty much the same as actually dying, when you are 18. It always bothered me that we didnt do it, you know. Gradually that memory faded off, and was replaced with the menomory of my own choice. The one where, we kissed, we loved, we left too much unsaid. Unsaid, being the euphemism used here for DIDNT H AVE SEX AND SHOULD HAVE.
So, theres my thoughts as an 18 year old, flash forward to my thoughts as a 26 year old....theres that greek god, the same underlying tones as my ever so hot friend, whos name has totally escaped me by this stage, but that menomory hasnt. This time tho, that challenge is up. I want this man, and I plan to have him. And being ten years down the track, Ive learnt a few more tricks in order to get what I want. YOu all know how that turned out. Be careful what you wish for, cos you just may get what you want. Sigh.
And it wasnt until last night that I made that menomory connection. YOu all think IM nuts dont you? YOu all think Im crazy. I also think im nuts and crazy, shut up jayne why am i even friends with you? But I saw it. Thats the beauty of being 18 years down the track. YOu can see yourself making the biggest mistakes of your life right in front of your very own eyes. Doesnt mean you dont still make them. Just means you know you are.
I just cant work out which mistake it is that I want to make........to I want to make the same mistake as before, or do I want to make the mistake of not making that mistake again?
Thought for the day....Menomory, might make one.
First up Jack1. After that mass txting of the valentines cutesy wutesy, he actually phoned me last night to see if I wanted to get laid. Yep. Thats what I said. God I can pick them can't I? That one, he was in crisis and he knew it, he just was also in another crisis and didnt know at the same time. YOU dont booty call me. Thats rude. I can, however, booty call much as I want, but I'll be stuffed if IM having some guy booty call me. It just doesnt work that way. And no amount of feeling pathetic about valentines day is gonna get me to answer a booty call. Might depend on who called I guess. NO. Like I said, I can make the booty call, I do not get booty called. Thats just wrong on so many levels. Unfair of me yes, but so what? I dont care. My rules are for me. As long as I like them, thats all that matters. Freaking booty call me? I dont think so.
The ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? He needed help with his msn messenger. Crisis he knew he was in? Couldnt work messenger. Crisis he didnt know he was in? That boy has webcam! And I was allllll for getting his messenger sorted. Though, I probably shouldnt have. Cos once that happened, there he was, in the flesh, so to speak at least, right in front of me, AND LOOKING AS EXACTLY DELICIOUS AS HE WAS ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. Reallly weird it was. I sort of sat back in my seat with my hands over my mouth *not to cover the cold sores people, i dont have a cam, he cant see me* in the classic OMFREAKINGGOD pose people get when they are actually oh my freaking godding. Godding is not a word. Not the point. Now Im in a crisis I didnt know I was in.
See, the funny thing about memories, and menomories is YOU get to choose how you are going to see the memory. You can choose to see only the good, or the bad. The ever so hot, or the ever so not. Its all your choice. Me? I chose to remember something else at the exact moment that boy flashed up on my screen. I think we have an answer here people to the age old question....What the hell did I ever see in that greek god of mine? I had the strangest sense of de ja vu. Seriously. Ok, so heres a boy I spent an obscenely large amount of time kissing way back in my younger, more formulative years, who I have always thought so.......so.......whats the fondly equivalent that means i might actually die if I dont have this man right now?? Fondly doesnt realllly cover it does it? Whatever, so lets just use fondly? Its polite, I can be polite sometimes. So heres this boy from way back, from before greek god days, that I have always thought so fondly of, i just could never rmember his damn name! Not the point. I wanted him way back then, *as only an 18 year old girl can want a guy in as much as if they dont have them their whole lives will be ruined and they wont ever be able to go on, their cookie shaped hearts will be broken in two sort of want, the usual sort, you kow how it goes*. And it wasnt because he was ever so hot. Granted, he was ever so hot. He still is. NOt the point. It was because he was different. The same as me type different. But different to the same as me. So was that greek god of mine.
Anyway, that greek god of mine? was always shy about his body. Which, was quite greek god like so no shyness needed that. It looked good. Seems my ever so hot friend of 18 years back, was shy bout his bod back then, and still is. Didnt grow up all, you know, look at me im hot, like most people who are hot do. And he is hot people. Hot. YOu know Im a sucker for arms. Arms are my thing. And there is this set staring me in the face, this set that are sooooo worth staring at. I can just picture myself wrapped up in them. In fact, Im seeing myself about to have an 18 year old girl episode whereby my life will be over if i dont actually wrap myself up in them. OH SHIT, this is not good. This is very greek god like.
Stop me, stop me now.
No hang on a second.....my ever so hot friend was around before the greek god was. And I never got my ever so hot friend all those years ago. His heart, was not entwined with mine. His tongue, yes. His heart, no. We only spent a short time together, the ever so hot friend of 18 years ago and I. I was leaving town. It was all set in stone in already. Couldnt be changed. And, as an 18 year old, I wouldnt have changed it anyway. Its not what I did as an 18 year old. I made a plan, and it just happened. Changing my mind along the way, did not happen at all often. This plan, this leaving town plan, couldnt be changed. I could, however, have gone back. Couldnt I? I could have. I didnt. I did spend a fair amount of time, usually when my tongue was wrapped around someone elses, thinking about him after I had left. Dont blush people, I was 18, my cookie was far more important to me than my heart was. Wasnt it? If my cookie was far more important than my heart was......and I find myself wrapped up in the arms of my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, 18 actual years ago, why was my cookie still in the jar? NO, my ever so hot friend and I, never did it. And that, I think is the problem here. I didnt get what I wanted. And being 18 years old, thats pretty important. In fact, not getting what you want is pretty much the same as actually dying, when you are 18. It always bothered me that we didnt do it, you know. Gradually that memory faded off, and was replaced with the menomory of my own choice. The one where, we kissed, we loved, we left too much unsaid. Unsaid, being the euphemism used here for DIDNT H AVE SEX AND SHOULD HAVE.
So, theres my thoughts as an 18 year old, flash forward to my thoughts as a 26 year old....theres that greek god, the same underlying tones as my ever so hot friend, whos name has totally escaped me by this stage, but that menomory hasnt. This time tho, that challenge is up. I want this man, and I plan to have him. And being ten years down the track, Ive learnt a few more tricks in order to get what I want. YOu all know how that turned out. Be careful what you wish for, cos you just may get what you want. Sigh.
And it wasnt until last night that I made that menomory connection. YOu all think IM nuts dont you? YOu all think Im crazy. I also think im nuts and crazy, shut up jayne why am i even friends with you? But I saw it. Thats the beauty of being 18 years down the track. YOu can see yourself making the biggest mistakes of your life right in front of your very own eyes. Doesnt mean you dont still make them. Just means you know you are.
I just cant work out which mistake it is that I want to make........to I want to make the same mistake as before, or do I want to make the mistake of not making that mistake again?
Thought for the day....Menomory, might make one.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
So what the eyes dont see, the hand cant want right?
Its valentines day right? Its that day of lovers. Yes even you rd. I got handed my phone today by the princess with the words....two messages mummmy. Right. Fantastic. I opened my phone. guess whos name was staring out at me....HOT DATE.
I ought to mention, Hot Date dumped me round xmas time. Bastard. Not the point. Actually is the point. Whatever. So there I am staring at his name in my phone on valentines day. I actuallly hesitated before opening the message. Im thinking to myself...ok it wasnt that long back, its going to be one of those sorts of.....yeah so i thought i might say happy valentines day out of habit .....sort of messages. Well wasnt I wrong?? It wasnt a happy valentines day message at all. It was a message gettin up me cos he found out I was dating.
Helllo? Just cos one guy doesnt want me, doesnt mean others dont find me appealing. I mean, hell, its Me, Ive got a lot going for me dont I? For a start, Im not your usual girl. NO really. Im not. Im not shy for a start. I also have strong convictions, ok most men read that as opinionated and ball breaking, but its not really. Im witty. Im funny. Im not completely stupid and im not completey ugly. I can hold a conversation, and I can watch footy while knocking back a shot of vodka in one hand, and sinkin the 8 ball with the other. And, as much as that bastard husband likes to think I cant, I can actually cook. Im a catch. I am. Do not let the two bastard husbands fool you. Im a girl worth having around.
Why do people get all jealous and posessive? Why dont people see you as you are, the person they were first attracted to? I mean, Ive always been this person. Wel, ok, not this person, but the person he first went for. Ive been that person for a long long time now. Oh god, ok. so ive gotten a little harder of the heart over the years, but you have to dont you?
Way I see it, if some guy doesnt like who I am, and How I am, he can get stuffed. I can do better. I will do better. But not this instant. This instant, Im the best company for me.
And ok, so I did download some Foreigner for my mobile phone, but thats hardly important. The thing here is this...........Im me. And if it takes a guy from 18 years back to remind me of that, then so be it. I like me. And I quite like some guy from 18 years ago reminding me that I like me. In fact, I think I wil have his babies.
I ought to mention, Hot Date dumped me round xmas time. Bastard. Not the point. Actually is the point. Whatever. So there I am staring at his name in my phone on valentines day. I actuallly hesitated before opening the message. Im thinking to myself...ok it wasnt that long back, its going to be one of those sorts of.....yeah so i thought i might say happy valentines day out of habit .....sort of messages. Well wasnt I wrong?? It wasnt a happy valentines day message at all. It was a message gettin up me cos he found out I was dating.
Helllo? Just cos one guy doesnt want me, doesnt mean others dont find me appealing. I mean, hell, its Me, Ive got a lot going for me dont I? For a start, Im not your usual girl. NO really. Im not. Im not shy for a start. I also have strong convictions, ok most men read that as opinionated and ball breaking, but its not really. Im witty. Im funny. Im not completely stupid and im not completey ugly. I can hold a conversation, and I can watch footy while knocking back a shot of vodka in one hand, and sinkin the 8 ball with the other. And, as much as that bastard husband likes to think I cant, I can actually cook. Im a catch. I am. Do not let the two bastard husbands fool you. Im a girl worth having around.
Why do people get all jealous and posessive? Why dont people see you as you are, the person they were first attracted to? I mean, Ive always been this person. Wel, ok, not this person, but the person he first went for. Ive been that person for a long long time now. Oh god, ok. so ive gotten a little harder of the heart over the years, but you have to dont you?
Way I see it, if some guy doesnt like who I am, and How I am, he can get stuffed. I can do better. I will do better. But not this instant. This instant, Im the best company for me.
And ok, so I did download some Foreigner for my mobile phone, but thats hardly important. The thing here is this...........Im me. And if it takes a guy from 18 years back to remind me of that, then so be it. I like me. And I quite like some guy from 18 years ago reminding me that I like me. In fact, I think I wil have his babies.
So Woe Is Me Right?
WEll guess what I woke up to today? Not wine and chocolate and roses and lingerie. A big ol nother damn cold sore. Yep, so thats three I have at the moment. Three. Happy Valentines Day Princess.
I also want to point out that I gave a guy a valentines day card on Monday, he wasnt to open it til today, of course. But I wasnt going to be seeing him today so I gave it to him on Monday. I spoke to him last night, he said he cant wait to open his card. Its now 930am, I know he's up cos he started work at 8am. Wheres my thank you txt? Wheres my thank you email? Wheres my thank you msn? Wheres my damn thank you phone call???? I hate him. STuff, it, Jayne can have his babies. Im over it. Jayne, the bitch probably got that many valentines gifts she cant even see her keyboard for the roses. Why am I even friends with her?
So my dental appointment that they bloody cancelled on me and rescheducled for this monday looks like not being a go ahead cos of this damn mouth infested with cold sores. And even if by some major miracle I get them cleaned up enough to actually go, the prodding and poking they do will cause me to have another one and I will be back to where I started from.
Oh sorry, I just got a txt. Its one of those cute lil slide show numbers with cute lil sayings and stuff. awwwww....its from Jack1. You remember him? Bastard cant phone me way back and sends me this cute lil thingy? I love him. Right up until I get to the end and go looking for the lil personal message only to discover that particular txt was sent to three other numbers as well as mine. Three. One for each of my cold sores? I dont think so. I suppose someone should point out to these people that if they were hoping to get romantic with anyone, its best not to let on they are also hoping to get romantic with three other people as well.
I also want to point out that I gave a guy a valentines day card on Monday, he wasnt to open it til today, of course. But I wasnt going to be seeing him today so I gave it to him on Monday. I spoke to him last night, he said he cant wait to open his card. Its now 930am, I know he's up cos he started work at 8am. Wheres my thank you txt? Wheres my thank you email? Wheres my thank you msn? Wheres my damn thank you phone call???? I hate him. STuff, it, Jayne can have his babies. Im over it. Jayne, the bitch probably got that many valentines gifts she cant even see her keyboard for the roses. Why am I even friends with her?
So my dental appointment that they bloody cancelled on me and rescheducled for this monday looks like not being a go ahead cos of this damn mouth infested with cold sores. And even if by some major miracle I get them cleaned up enough to actually go, the prodding and poking they do will cause me to have another one and I will be back to where I started from.
Oh sorry, I just got a txt. Its one of those cute lil slide show numbers with cute lil sayings and stuff. awwwww....its from Jack1. You remember him? Bastard cant phone me way back and sends me this cute lil thingy? I love him. Right up until I get to the end and go looking for the lil personal message only to discover that particular txt was sent to three other numbers as well as mine. Three. One for each of my cold sores? I dont think so. I suppose someone should point out to these people that if they were hoping to get romantic with anyone, its best not to let on they are also hoping to get romantic with three other people as well.
Friday, February 13, 2009
So I Took A Walk Down Menomory Lane Right
And found myself listening to Foreigner. I know I know. Even Im shocked, but it was the band of the time and was two songs that my ever so hot friend from school cant hear without thinking about me. I love hhhot friends. I dont love Foreigner. Who does? NO one. NOt the point. Point is a trip down Menomory lane had me listening to Foreigner. Google yourselves up some lyrics to Heart Turns To Stone. My ever so hot friend of near on 20 years ago knows me oh so well.
And I took another walk through a different lane last night. Ok it ws the wee hours of this morning. Not the point. This was the lane of where I am now. According to another friend of mine, the only 'man' who meets my requirements is a married man. What the?? I guess it might be true. We discussed these men I have been dating and came to the conclusion that the real reason there is nothing happening for me is because they are just too normal. And my messed up heart cant deal with normal. He also thought the pious prius driving buddhist was a total step into no mans land and laughed his ass off at the whole turn of events. Whatever was I thinking, he says. Well, hell I dont know. I guess I wasnt. But of course, I had to have been, somewhere, way in the back. Apparently I dont make good choices because Im so busy making sure my choices are not going to come back and bite me in the ass, or break my already irreparibly *correct that spelling please?* broken heart and thus, I find myself a man who is seemingly ok, but gives me the slightest of reasons to decide he isnt which I pounce on and voila, excuse made and theres me out in the cold whinging to Jayne about how pathetic I am. Or I find myself a man who is seemingly ok, but completely unattainable for some reason, distance, marital state, gay! whatever, as long as its a perfectly plausible reason as to why it would never work, attach my heart to him and then whinge to Jayne about how pathetic I am. Jayne's a legend. She listens to me whinge about being pathetic and never ever disagrees with me. I love Jayne. I might have her babies. See? There it was in practice people. Right there. I cant have Jayne's babies so therefore I love her and want to have them, thus leaving me with no option but to whinge to Jayne about how I cant have her babies.
Have I been drinking?? Nope, thats just clarity coming through. I said clarity Jayne, not claret. Why am I even friends with you?
I dont think I will do anything about it of course. Its enough to know thats what I do for now right? In the meantime Im more than happy to devote my entire love attentions to my ever unattainable but ever so close to perfect because they are attainable Rd's, Gers', Levo's and BTF1's. Why not? It suits my purposes, and is perfectly safe. I cant possibly find myself vulnerable and in any danger of being even remotely intimate with them. Yep. Id say Ive got myself pretty much worked out.
I blame Foreigner. Damn that ever so hot boy of near on 20 years ago. Foreigner? Whatever was I thinking??
And I took another walk through a different lane last night. Ok it ws the wee hours of this morning. Not the point. This was the lane of where I am now. According to another friend of mine, the only 'man' who meets my requirements is a married man. What the?? I guess it might be true. We discussed these men I have been dating and came to the conclusion that the real reason there is nothing happening for me is because they are just too normal. And my messed up heart cant deal with normal. He also thought the pious prius driving buddhist was a total step into no mans land and laughed his ass off at the whole turn of events. Whatever was I thinking, he says. Well, hell I dont know. I guess I wasnt. But of course, I had to have been, somewhere, way in the back. Apparently I dont make good choices because Im so busy making sure my choices are not going to come back and bite me in the ass, or break my already irreparibly *correct that spelling please?* broken heart and thus, I find myself a man who is seemingly ok, but gives me the slightest of reasons to decide he isnt which I pounce on and voila, excuse made and theres me out in the cold whinging to Jayne about how pathetic I am. Or I find myself a man who is seemingly ok, but completely unattainable for some reason, distance, marital state, gay! whatever, as long as its a perfectly plausible reason as to why it would never work, attach my heart to him and then whinge to Jayne about how pathetic I am. Jayne's a legend. She listens to me whinge about being pathetic and never ever disagrees with me. I love Jayne. I might have her babies. See? There it was in practice people. Right there. I cant have Jayne's babies so therefore I love her and want to have them, thus leaving me with no option but to whinge to Jayne about how I cant have her babies.
Have I been drinking?? Nope, thats just clarity coming through. I said clarity Jayne, not claret. Why am I even friends with you?
I dont think I will do anything about it of course. Its enough to know thats what I do for now right? In the meantime Im more than happy to devote my entire love attentions to my ever unattainable but ever so close to perfect because they are attainable Rd's, Gers', Levo's and BTF1's. Why not? It suits my purposes, and is perfectly safe. I cant possibly find myself vulnerable and in any danger of being even remotely intimate with them. Yep. Id say Ive got myself pretty much worked out.
I blame Foreigner. Damn that ever so hot boy of near on 20 years ago. Foreigner? Whatever was I thinking??
Thursday, February 12, 2009
So A Thought For the Day Right
Thought for today....Menomory. New word I invented meaning, the memories we have of the men in our lives.
Fuck me, Im brilliant.
Fuck me, Im brilliant.
Soooooo IN Your FACE JAyne
My offering for today....
You are looking gorgeous today, Princess, and have likely noticed the admiring glances you've been receiving. Your passions are running high, so with luck you will be able to spend this evening with a special someone. Fulfill your romantic fantasies to the nth degree. Light scented candles throughout the house, use your best linens and dress in soft, sensual fabrics. Your partner will appreciate the effort. Together, you two are bound to have an extraordinary evening.
So woo hoo to me and in your face to Jayne. Im gorgeous. See? Gorgeous. Admiring glances, high passions, romantic fantasisies, an extroadinary evening.....and being as how today ismy wedding anniversay that bastard husband of mine better be kicking back and kicking himself about now. Look at all that gorgeousness he missed out on.....bastard. So in light of his you wanna be my wife again statement, what do you think the chances of him remembering its our annviersary today are? Yeah, not that good, unless you count around 2am when drunk, that sort of ups the chances a lot.
Back to me, Its kind of lucky really that im spending the evening with Jayne because Ive got a cold sore. Ok, Ive actually got two. Which is usual for me, and considering I havent had a cold sore in ages and ages I spose I was due one. One. NOt two dammit. So all that gorgeousness is just a little bit tainted there mr horrorscope. And those admiring glances might not have been quite as admiring as you thought. And unless I rush out and get me a web cam today I cant see any of my fantasies happening.....
You are looking gorgeous today, Princess, and have likely noticed the admiring glances you've been receiving. Your passions are running high, so with luck you will be able to spend this evening with a special someone. Fulfill your romantic fantasies to the nth degree. Light scented candles throughout the house, use your best linens and dress in soft, sensual fabrics. Your partner will appreciate the effort. Together, you two are bound to have an extraordinary evening.
So woo hoo to me and in your face to Jayne. Im gorgeous. See? Gorgeous. Admiring glances, high passions, romantic fantasisies, an extroadinary evening.....and being as how today ismy wedding anniversay that bastard husband of mine better be kicking back and kicking himself about now. Look at all that gorgeousness he missed out on.....bastard. So in light of his you wanna be my wife again statement, what do you think the chances of him remembering its our annviersary today are? Yeah, not that good, unless you count around 2am when drunk, that sort of ups the chances a lot.
Back to me, Its kind of lucky really that im spending the evening with Jayne because Ive got a cold sore. Ok, Ive actually got two. Which is usual for me, and considering I havent had a cold sore in ages and ages I spose I was due one. One. NOt two dammit. So all that gorgeousness is just a little bit tainted there mr horrorscope. And those admiring glances might not have been quite as admiring as you thought. And unless I rush out and get me a web cam today I cant see any of my fantasies happening.....
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
So, is hhhhhot enough?
So I joined facebook. Its the done thing to do these days. And now all these people I went to school with are contacting me. One of them, a skanky lil tart *we were quite close* and I were discussing some of the 'old boyfriends'. And today I was trying desperately hard to remember the name of one who stuck in my mind cos he introduced me to the word tenacity. I might have mentioned him before. Not to worry, I couldnt remember his name, and not one hour later, there he is popped up on my facebook. AND MY GOD THAT BOY IS HOT.
Now, this brings me to the age old question....is hot important? Well of course you have to have some kind of attraction physically dont you? Dont you??? One cant be expected to shag it up with some guy for the rest of your life if he isnt hot right? Right??? Ok, so hot is only hot to some, while to others its merely lukewarm. I understand this. I get this. Im sure there are some people who dont consider me hot.....losers and wankers of course, what the hell would they know, they should get some damn glasses......where was I?
Oh yes, hot. And not just hot. Hhhot. Thats three h's hot. My highest compliment...OK, I have used a few more h's for my hot, but thats my usual high compliment. Now, heres the funny thing.......pay attention here, because this may just shock you. These boys I was at school with? Who I suddenly notice have grown up ever so hot? ONly the ones I have a 'nice' memory of, are still, hot, in my mind. NOt only still hot, but hhhot. Which just goes to show, the more you relate to someone, the hotter you find them.
Didnt see that one coming did you Jayne? Why am I even friends with you?
Now, this brings me to the age old question....is hot important? Well of course you have to have some kind of attraction physically dont you? Dont you??? One cant be expected to shag it up with some guy for the rest of your life if he isnt hot right? Right??? Ok, so hot is only hot to some, while to others its merely lukewarm. I understand this. I get this. Im sure there are some people who dont consider me hot.....losers and wankers of course, what the hell would they know, they should get some damn glasses......where was I?
Oh yes, hot. And not just hot. Hhhot. Thats three h's hot. My highest compliment...OK, I have used a few more h's for my hot, but thats my usual high compliment. Now, heres the funny thing.......pay attention here, because this may just shock you. These boys I was at school with? Who I suddenly notice have grown up ever so hot? ONly the ones I have a 'nice' memory of, are still, hot, in my mind. NOt only still hot, but hhhot. Which just goes to show, the more you relate to someone, the hotter you find them.
Didnt see that one coming did you Jayne? Why am I even friends with you?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
So You Are Who You Are Right
Some of us are, at least. Who are you? Do you even know who you are? Are you just like people see you? Or are you someone completely different?? Do people become who we think they are? Or are they that person from the start?
Can one person ask that many questions?
See, we all wear different hats. Ive got a shitload of em. A shitload. Im every woman. But Im not Jayne, I dont even know why im friends with her. But I am this princess. And that princess. But I wonder how other people see me? And if anyone mentions the word intoxicating here I will become very very intoxicated. Do other people see me as who I really am, or do they see me as who they want me to be? And am I that person anyway??
Who am I?
Thought for the day....Its wet. Its Raining. Men. Hallelujah, its raining men. NO, its actually raining wet stuff from the sky, number one son asked me what it was.
Can one person ask that many questions?
See, we all wear different hats. Ive got a shitload of em. A shitload. Im every woman. But Im not Jayne, I dont even know why im friends with her. But I am this princess. And that princess. But I wonder how other people see me? And if anyone mentions the word intoxicating here I will become very very intoxicated. Do other people see me as who I really am, or do they see me as who they want me to be? And am I that person anyway??
Who am I?
Thought for the day....Its wet. Its Raining. Men. Hallelujah, its raining men. NO, its actually raining wet stuff from the sky, number one son asked me what it was.
Monday, February 9, 2009
So YOu Dont Know What YOuve Got Til Its Gone Right?
Sometimes we come across fabulous people, we know right then and there, that something is fabulous , but you are in one place, and they are in another. And when they are in the place you are, YOUVE MOVED TO NSW.
Why do particular people touch us how they do? Why do some people touch us differently to how other people touch us? Why is it that what is fabulous with one person, is not fabulous with a different person? Why do we keep looking for all the good parts of each person we meet blended into one single person who we can love for ever and ever. Amen??? Why are we stupid enough to believe thats even possible?
Im a cynic about love at the best of times. I have my own version of love. And my own theories. And from what I can work out, they dont come close to what anyone else thinks love is. Cept maybe one person. Which is why I am now asking myself Why dont we know what we've got til its gone? Someone today said love was allowing youreslf to be vulnerable enough to take a chance. Ok, it might hurt, and it might not. But if you dont take the chance, you wont ever know. Love sucks. Love bites. Love is the biggest liar in the world.
Im not in love, its not me. A friend of mine is. He didnt actually say it, but I can tell he thinks he is. He isnt of course. He wouldnt know love if it came up and smacked him fair in the face. He wouldnt know what baring your soul and ripping your own heart open love was if it scratched its name across his back. He wouldnt know the joy and the pain of hearing the one sentence and having it cause both emotions at the same time. He wouldnt know love if it had flame red hair, and a heart of steel on the outside and useless marshamallow on the inside.
And neither would I. Love is not what I thought it was. Love is not about wanting the other person to have everything they want. Love is not about them getting it. Love is not even about being in the same place at the same time, and I dont mean location wise.
Love is a bitch, that will leave you bleeding on the floor. Love is YOU getting back up again and pasting your own bandaid over the wounds. Love is crying your eyes out because you only this second realised Love, was not what you ever thought it was. IN fact, Love, is having that one person who agreed with what you thought love was, who thought love was the same thing you thought it was, wake up to themselves and push you into waking up to yourself and finding out that you dont have any idea what love is and you wouldnt know love if it wrapped itself up in a fabulous package and told you how they loved you enough not to tell you they loved you.
Why do particular people touch us how they do? Why do some people touch us differently to how other people touch us? Why is it that what is fabulous with one person, is not fabulous with a different person? Why do we keep looking for all the good parts of each person we meet blended into one single person who we can love for ever and ever. Amen??? Why are we stupid enough to believe thats even possible?
Im a cynic about love at the best of times. I have my own version of love. And my own theories. And from what I can work out, they dont come close to what anyone else thinks love is. Cept maybe one person. Which is why I am now asking myself Why dont we know what we've got til its gone? Someone today said love was allowing youreslf to be vulnerable enough to take a chance. Ok, it might hurt, and it might not. But if you dont take the chance, you wont ever know. Love sucks. Love bites. Love is the biggest liar in the world.
Im not in love, its not me. A friend of mine is. He didnt actually say it, but I can tell he thinks he is. He isnt of course. He wouldnt know love if it came up and smacked him fair in the face. He wouldnt know what baring your soul and ripping your own heart open love was if it scratched its name across his back. He wouldnt know the joy and the pain of hearing the one sentence and having it cause both emotions at the same time. He wouldnt know love if it had flame red hair, and a heart of steel on the outside and useless marshamallow on the inside.
And neither would I. Love is not what I thought it was. Love is not about wanting the other person to have everything they want. Love is not about them getting it. Love is not even about being in the same place at the same time, and I dont mean location wise.
Love is a bitch, that will leave you bleeding on the floor. Love is YOU getting back up again and pasting your own bandaid over the wounds. Love is crying your eyes out because you only this second realised Love, was not what you ever thought it was. IN fact, Love, is having that one person who agreed with what you thought love was, who thought love was the same thing you thought it was, wake up to themselves and push you into waking up to yourself and finding out that you dont have any idea what love is and you wouldnt know love if it wrapped itself up in a fabulous package and told you how they loved you enough not to tell you they loved you.
So That Gets Up My Goat Right
Literally. WE have a goat. She's new. Got her on Saturday. Its a funny ol way we have of working things round here. I come out with a totally ridiculous but perfectly serious suggestion of...say, for example....Lets get a Llama, and call her Lilliana. Gaanz comes up with all manner of reson why we shouldnt get llama, makes alternative, more practical suggestions, none of which are taken seriously, until we get Himself in on the conversation. Himself comes in th enext day annd announces that some woman from work has two goats she wants to get rid of. Next thing you know, theres Gaanz on the phone organising us a goat.
He's brown, and kinda pretty. The little princess wanted to know what we shall name her. Told her it didnt matter, it would end up being the mongrel goat, same as the mongrel dog, the mongrel cat and the mongrel rabbit.
ah family names, they can tie you together and they can tie you up. The other day the little princess announced that as her father doesnt have the same name as us, he cant be a part of our family anymore. See, the kids have my maiden name as their middle name, and I use my maiden name because, well, I just do. Always have, never changed it. Ok I did change it first time round, but then I changed it back and never changed it the second time around. Just as well if you ask me. It occurs to me just now I should hate to be known as Mrs bbh2. No one can say it and no one can spell it. But that isnt why I would hate to be known as it.
Todays thought....Divorce. Might get one.
He's brown, and kinda pretty. The little princess wanted to know what we shall name her. Told her it didnt matter, it would end up being the mongrel goat, same as the mongrel dog, the mongrel cat and the mongrel rabbit.
ah family names, they can tie you together and they can tie you up. The other day the little princess announced that as her father doesnt have the same name as us, he cant be a part of our family anymore. See, the kids have my maiden name as their middle name, and I use my maiden name because, well, I just do. Always have, never changed it. Ok I did change it first time round, but then I changed it back and never changed it the second time around. Just as well if you ask me. It occurs to me just now I should hate to be known as Mrs bbh2. No one can say it and no one can spell it. But that isnt why I would hate to be known as it.
Todays thought....Divorce. Might get one.
So Ive Got This Husband Right
And yesterday he phones me. So, he says, you want to be wife again or what?
What? NO, thats not the answer, thats in response to the question. What??? Do I Want to be your wife again?? He wants to come home.
I know, I know, its like im repeating myself round here lately isnt it? You heard me say this a couple of months ago didnt you? Turned out he was full of shit then. Actually, it turns out he was full of shit before then too, but that isnt really part of this story. Oh, ok, as it turns out the man is totally full of shit and that is the whole moral of the whole story. This chapter included.
This particular chapter started when the youngest princess spoke to her father yesterday morning, and blabbed out that mummy had a man over to visit. Kids. Cant keep nothing from em. And couple that with the upcoming anniversay of our wedding in just a few days. YOu guys remember that wedding dont you? The one that I went on and on about for months at a time? YOu know the one, the one where my lil heart was full to beyond bursting point, I think at some point it did actually burst itself across this here very computer screen for you all the see???? Ok, not this screen itself, Ive since gotten a new one of those.......
And now, now he doesnt even mention the word love at all. He just says, YOU WIN. I win what? What the hell do I win now? Not another damn booby prize surely? Cos I might have mentioned before I dont even have boobs. I have breasts. Breasts are classier, and perkier. Which is what my husband should be like as well. Classier and perkier than, so...youwant to be my wife again or what?
He does have a way with words doesnt he? You can tell it wasnt his eloquency that I fell for the first time round at all. Now that I think about it, I couldnt tell you what it was I fell for that first time round, but I can tell you this, I sure as hell aint about to fall for it again.
Todays thought....Men, it never rains but it pours.
What? NO, thats not the answer, thats in response to the question. What??? Do I Want to be your wife again?? He wants to come home.
I know, I know, its like im repeating myself round here lately isnt it? You heard me say this a couple of months ago didnt you? Turned out he was full of shit then. Actually, it turns out he was full of shit before then too, but that isnt really part of this story. Oh, ok, as it turns out the man is totally full of shit and that is the whole moral of the whole story. This chapter included.
This particular chapter started when the youngest princess spoke to her father yesterday morning, and blabbed out that mummy had a man over to visit. Kids. Cant keep nothing from em. And couple that with the upcoming anniversay of our wedding in just a few days. YOu guys remember that wedding dont you? The one that I went on and on about for months at a time? YOu know the one, the one where my lil heart was full to beyond bursting point, I think at some point it did actually burst itself across this here very computer screen for you all the see???? Ok, not this screen itself, Ive since gotten a new one of those.......
And now, now he doesnt even mention the word love at all. He just says, YOU WIN. I win what? What the hell do I win now? Not another damn booby prize surely? Cos I might have mentioned before I dont even have boobs. I have breasts. Breasts are classier, and perkier. Which is what my husband should be like as well. Classier and perkier than, so...youwant to be my wife again or what?
He does have a way with words doesnt he? You can tell it wasnt his eloquency that I fell for the first time round at all. Now that I think about it, I couldnt tell you what it was I fell for that first time round, but I can tell you this, I sure as hell aint about to fall for it again.
Todays thought....Men, it never rains but it pours.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
So My HorroSCope Yesterday Right
Could not be found. I think its a conspiracy. Im serious. See, I tried all manner of ways to get hold of my usual horroscope yesterday. Usually its sent directly to my inbox ready and waiting for me whatever time I get up. Yesterday, nothing. I also tend to request pocketnews on my mobile phone, which I do any time after 12am cos im usually still up anyway and Ive usually read it before I go to bed, so combine the prior knowledge before sleep with the after sleep breakdown of whatever it was I was dreaming and then wrapping it all up withe firstmorning astrosurf and IM all set for the day.
yesterday, no email. Yesterday I pocketnewsed four times and no news turned up. I'll probably be charged four times for nothing but that isnt the point. Why was yesterday the day of no help from the stars? Shut up Jayne. Real stars. Yesterday. Pretty big day for me yesterday. And not one tiny peice of input from the stars?? It wasnt until way late yesterday afternoon that I came across my lil horroscope in the lil local newspaper. It said my achilles heel could well be on display today and make me vulnerable. Yesterday I mean. Vulnerable? Me? I dont think so. Ive got a heart of steel and head to match. Nothing fazes me. Nothing touches me deep inside *shut up jayne* There is not one ounce of vulnerability about me. Not one. As for an achilles heel? pffft I laugh at you.
I think I might give up smoking.
Thought for today? Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
yesterday, no email. Yesterday I pocketnewsed four times and no news turned up. I'll probably be charged four times for nothing but that isnt the point. Why was yesterday the day of no help from the stars? Shut up Jayne. Real stars. Yesterday. Pretty big day for me yesterday. And not one tiny peice of input from the stars?? It wasnt until way late yesterday afternoon that I came across my lil horroscope in the lil local newspaper. It said my achilles heel could well be on display today and make me vulnerable. Yesterday I mean. Vulnerable? Me? I dont think so. Ive got a heart of steel and head to match. Nothing fazes me. Nothing touches me deep inside *shut up jayne* There is not one ounce of vulnerability about me. Not one. As for an achilles heel? pffft I laugh at you.
I think I might give up smoking.
Thought for today? Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Friday, February 6, 2009
So One Man Can Change The World Right?
Michael Jackson was 'starting with the man in the mirror' in more ways than one in order to change the world. Martin Luther King was one man who changed the world. The man who shot JFK changed the world. One man really can change the world.
And so it is for me. One man has changed my world. I know, I know, your all saying you've heard this before. But this time, my world has changed that much, I cant breathe. I cant think. I cant freaking type dammit without going back and changing all the typos. And I cant get Jayne to answer her damn phone and tell me Im crazy. Which is what Jayne does. But I think even this time Jayne knows Im serious. In fact, I think Jayne knew I was serious before I knew I was serious. I knew this from the seocond I layed eyes on him. And that was just his photo. A photo. And it changed my world.
So I wandered through a singles dating site. As all pathetic ageing alcoholic pathetic women do. Shut up Jayne. I found all manner of men. Hot men. Not so hot men. Men with words that rhymed, men with no shirts on. Actually, a lot of men with no shirts on. A lot of hot men with no shirts on. A lot of dear god not so hot men with no shirts on and a hint of no pants on. A lot of hot men with with words that ryhmed and no shirts on. Let me tell you, there is a lot of men out there with no freaking shirts on. And Im a girl. A shallow girl at the best of times, Ive come to realise. Usually a pretty face, and a lack of shirt is enough for me. But you know what, I passed those shirtless men by. I dont know why, perhaps I'll die. But I did. And then I spotted this photo. Nothing special. A man, laying down on a couch, with his arm propping his head up, and the arm of the couch propping his arm up. He looks happy. He looks like he is watching his kids play. He doesnt have kids though. I find this out later. Not then. He looks fine with the world. He looks, different. He doesnt look at all like a hot man with no shirt on. He has a shirt on. He also has, a look about him. He's beautiful. Realistically, he isnt beautiful. But the photo is. I take the plunge, I send him an email. Beautiful photo I say. Thanks, he says, was at my sisters watching her kids play.......
I dont love him. I want to lick his heart. And have his babies. But mostly lick his heart. Even Jayne is sick of hearing me say it. We email. A lot. We switch to msn. Im drawn to him. Every second of every day I see him in my mind. I see his heart, not his cock. Didnt see that coming did you? Nope. Me either. Either did Jayne. Secretly, I think she did. But shes not a very good friend. She didnt warn me I was in trouble. Ok, she did. She is a good friend, though why Im even friends with her is beyond me.
Today, he phoned me. Again, I couldnt breathe. I couldnt think. I actually said, see, I hear that you are talking but I have no idea what you are saying. He laughs at me. I say, oh dear god you think Im funny dont you? He says, no I think you are gorgeous. I swear to the lord himself that my heart actually grew hands and reached out to grab his through the phone. YOu think Im pathetic dont you? Me too. I dont know whats happening to me. I never wanted to lick anyones heart before. NOt even that bastard greek god I married. All I ever wanted to do with his heart was make sure it existed. Im not certain it does. Not the point. Even that bastard first husband of mine, way back when I was young enough to confuse love with lust, never had me feeling like this.
Im destined for couch time. Dust off your suits people. Theres going to be a wedding or a funeral. Either way, a suit will be worn.
Ps, and you know what? I like it. I like it a lot.
Pps, buddhist who? What? Who???
And so it is for me. One man has changed my world. I know, I know, your all saying you've heard this before. But this time, my world has changed that much, I cant breathe. I cant think. I cant freaking type dammit without going back and changing all the typos. And I cant get Jayne to answer her damn phone and tell me Im crazy. Which is what Jayne does. But I think even this time Jayne knows Im serious. In fact, I think Jayne knew I was serious before I knew I was serious. I knew this from the seocond I layed eyes on him. And that was just his photo. A photo. And it changed my world.
So I wandered through a singles dating site. As all pathetic ageing alcoholic pathetic women do. Shut up Jayne. I found all manner of men. Hot men. Not so hot men. Men with words that rhymed, men with no shirts on. Actually, a lot of men with no shirts on. A lot of hot men with no shirts on. A lot of dear god not so hot men with no shirts on and a hint of no pants on. A lot of hot men with with words that ryhmed and no shirts on. Let me tell you, there is a lot of men out there with no freaking shirts on. And Im a girl. A shallow girl at the best of times, Ive come to realise. Usually a pretty face, and a lack of shirt is enough for me. But you know what, I passed those shirtless men by. I dont know why, perhaps I'll die. But I did. And then I spotted this photo. Nothing special. A man, laying down on a couch, with his arm propping his head up, and the arm of the couch propping his arm up. He looks happy. He looks like he is watching his kids play. He doesnt have kids though. I find this out later. Not then. He looks fine with the world. He looks, different. He doesnt look at all like a hot man with no shirt on. He has a shirt on. He also has, a look about him. He's beautiful. Realistically, he isnt beautiful. But the photo is. I take the plunge, I send him an email. Beautiful photo I say. Thanks, he says, was at my sisters watching her kids play.......
I dont love him. I want to lick his heart. And have his babies. But mostly lick his heart. Even Jayne is sick of hearing me say it. We email. A lot. We switch to msn. Im drawn to him. Every second of every day I see him in my mind. I see his heart, not his cock. Didnt see that coming did you? Nope. Me either. Either did Jayne. Secretly, I think she did. But shes not a very good friend. She didnt warn me I was in trouble. Ok, she did. She is a good friend, though why Im even friends with her is beyond me.
Today, he phoned me. Again, I couldnt breathe. I couldnt think. I actually said, see, I hear that you are talking but I have no idea what you are saying. He laughs at me. I say, oh dear god you think Im funny dont you? He says, no I think you are gorgeous. I swear to the lord himself that my heart actually grew hands and reached out to grab his through the phone. YOu think Im pathetic dont you? Me too. I dont know whats happening to me. I never wanted to lick anyones heart before. NOt even that bastard greek god I married. All I ever wanted to do with his heart was make sure it existed. Im not certain it does. Not the point. Even that bastard first husband of mine, way back when I was young enough to confuse love with lust, never had me feeling like this.
Im destined for couch time. Dust off your suits people. Theres going to be a wedding or a funeral. Either way, a suit will be worn.
Ps, and you know what? I like it. I like it a lot.
Pps, buddhist who? What? Who???
So There Is The Past and The Present Right
This morning, Gaanz had to make a visit to pathology. Blood test. She's got leprosy but she's still in denial. I had the great pleasure of flippin through a Womans Weekly from ...get this....1989. Twenty years ago. The good ol days. I learnt, that cigarette advertising was allowed once, and not only was it allowed, but also smoking reduces your fitness. Wow. See, if I had read that magazine twenty years back, I would be a lot fitter than I am right now. How bout this lil gem of a giveaway......if you buy a carton of Fortune Cigarettes, you get a free wine glass. Now thats a bargain. And something useful. Everyone smokes more when they drink wine. I saw pics of Bob and Hazel Hawke, apparently they were married way back before those disastrous terry cloth dressing gown pics of he and Blanche! The things you learn. Nicole Kidman interview and why she is saying NO to going to HOllywood. Whoa, that one didnt last long.
Which got me to thinking, twenty years ago??? What was I doing? I was still in school, lusting after the one true love of mylife. The one I would just die without. The one who's heart was made just to fit right into place with mine. The one, who it turns out, wasnt the one at all. The one, who it also turns out, ws a bastard. And there we have it people. For twenty years now I have been dating bastards. The past and the present have fully joined together, I have not come full circle. I am still dating bastards. I started by dating bastards, and Ive not stopped dating bastards. Im obviously doing something wrong. So I spoke to Jayne this morning. Jayne is well aware I only love fabulous, and I only love it from afar. Jayne went all mushy on me. Very unusual for Jayne, and I did not see that coming. Jayne said I should stop sitting on the fence and safely loving from afar. Jayne said I should give some poor guy a chance. Jayne said, Jayne said, Jayne said. Jayne said it might be time to keep my cookie in the cookie jar, and take my heart out to play instead. Jayne says I safely keep my distance from those people I do love and I do a great job of it, by not ever allowing it to happen anyway. What if Jayne is right? I hope not, she would be completely unbearable if she was. I dont even know why Im friends with her.
Which got me to thinking, twenty years ago??? What was I doing? I was still in school, lusting after the one true love of mylife. The one I would just die without. The one who's heart was made just to fit right into place with mine. The one, who it turns out, wasnt the one at all. The one, who it also turns out, ws a bastard. And there we have it people. For twenty years now I have been dating bastards. The past and the present have fully joined together, I have not come full circle. I am still dating bastards. I started by dating bastards, and Ive not stopped dating bastards. Im obviously doing something wrong. So I spoke to Jayne this morning. Jayne is well aware I only love fabulous, and I only love it from afar. Jayne went all mushy on me. Very unusual for Jayne, and I did not see that coming. Jayne said I should stop sitting on the fence and safely loving from afar. Jayne said I should give some poor guy a chance. Jayne said, Jayne said, Jayne said. Jayne said it might be time to keep my cookie in the cookie jar, and take my heart out to play instead. Jayne says I safely keep my distance from those people I do love and I do a great job of it, by not ever allowing it to happen anyway. What if Jayne is right? I hope not, she would be completely unbearable if she was. I dont even know why Im friends with her.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
So There's Fantasy and There's Fiction Right?
Why do the two have to be the same? Or different? Or not real?
Ive got a wonderful imagination. I love to fantasize. I do it a lot. I make up these little scenario's in my head, whereby I sign into CSA online and find that bbh2 has finally done a tax return and owes me 144 grand. I choose that particular number because it has such righteous connotations about it, and there is nothing more righteous than that bastard having to pay me money, that he *say it with me people* busted his ass earning. But thats fantasy. And I love fantasy.
And fiction. I love fiction. Fiction is where you can make up anything you like at all, without any real desire to make it happen in any way. In fact, half of what you make up couldnt possibly happen in any universe, be it this one, or the one you borrowed from the twilight zone.
Make the connection there people, my fantasy and my fiction are the same. But different. And real.
And all at the same time, my fantasy is different to my fiction and exactly the same and not real at all.
And I quite like it that way.
But what happens if my fiction becomes my fantasy and its actually real? What then? Jayne says there is something safe in things that arent real. And that I always take the safe option. Why am I even friends with her? My thoughts might be fantasy, my wants might be fiction, but its still all real.
Isnt it?
Ive got a wonderful imagination. I love to fantasize. I do it a lot. I make up these little scenario's in my head, whereby I sign into CSA online and find that bbh2 has finally done a tax return and owes me 144 grand. I choose that particular number because it has such righteous connotations about it, and there is nothing more righteous than that bastard having to pay me money, that he *say it with me people* busted his ass earning. But thats fantasy. And I love fantasy.
And fiction. I love fiction. Fiction is where you can make up anything you like at all, without any real desire to make it happen in any way. In fact, half of what you make up couldnt possibly happen in any universe, be it this one, or the one you borrowed from the twilight zone.
Make the connection there people, my fantasy and my fiction are the same. But different. And real.
And all at the same time, my fantasy is different to my fiction and exactly the same and not real at all.
And I quite like it that way.
But what happens if my fiction becomes my fantasy and its actually real? What then? Jayne says there is something safe in things that arent real. And that I always take the safe option. Why am I even friends with her? My thoughts might be fantasy, my wants might be fiction, but its still all real.
Isnt it?
So I Have To Do This Test Right
Its a 24 hour wee collection. Ive got this massive bottle and this lil dish. Im supposed to go for my first morning wee, that one goes in the loo. Then all wee's the rest of the day, the night and the first one of next morning go into the lil dish and then into the big bottle, which is to be kept in the fridge. Its a massive 4 litre bottle. Who wee's 4 litres worth a day? Anyway, I keep finding excuses not to have started it. Cos not only do I have to go through the whole collection fiasco, I also then have to walk through the street to the pathology carrying my 4 litre bottle full of wee. EEEEWWWWW.
I cant possibly do it today because I have to go out, and I aint carryin a 4 litre bottle of wee around in an esky for just in case I need to go while Im out. So I have to do it on a stay at home day. Ive had more pregnancy tests this year than I have in my whole life. All of which I have passed mind you. Why would I fail them? Its not like anyone wants my cookie on a regular permanent basis. Too many fat people in the world, obviously all on diets.
I cant possibly do it today because I have to go out, and I aint carryin a 4 litre bottle of wee around in an esky for just in case I need to go while Im out. So I have to do it on a stay at home day. Ive had more pregnancy tests this year than I have in my whole life. All of which I have passed mind you. Why would I fail them? Its not like anyone wants my cookie on a regular permanent basis. Too many fat people in the world, obviously all on diets.
So Good Morning Right
Goooooooooooooooooooooood Morning everyone. Isnt it just a glorious day to be alive? Oh no, you are all saying. YOU know that tone by now dont you? Something, something is up. What could it be???
Its my fake positive attitude because Jayne has a date for valentines day and I dont. And Im not going to let on that Im even remotely unhappy about it. Ok, fine, she dumped me, me who was to be her date, for an actual date. We were going to sit at home and drink wine and mope about how pathetic we are. Well I cant do that on my own can I? I cant be pathetic on my own. Its not right. We are a team. And Ive no prospect at all. Oh Ok, I did actually get asked out, by a man even. However he lives a squillion miles away and only asked me knowing that as he was a squillion miles away it couldnt possibly be *shut up Jayne* and he was just trying to be nice so that I could at least tell Jayne I had actually been asked. So Im not totally pathetic.....
You boys are remembering me this valentines day arent you? Dont remember Jayne tho. Just me.
I have to fess up. Im in love. I know, I know, you hear me say this all the time. Ok, so I love easily, luckily for me I now get over it rather easily as well. YOu buddhist bastard I'll get you ...where was I? OH yes. I know its love this time becaue I even told Jayne about him and have even bestowed a name upon him. And not the usual Number....Are you all sitting down? His name from this day forward will be......BBH3. Because I am a romantic, but also a realist. He's beautiful. Even Jayne wants to have his babies. This one however, I am keeping to the plan with. This one is my internet love affair. YOU know, if you read way back here, I specifically said that buddhist bastard *i still chuckle at that contradiction* was my a fine love affair to be carried out over the net and it wasnt broken so shouldnt be fixed. Well, Ive learnt my lesson this time. A love affair on the internet with BBH3 will be just fine, and will not be getting any fixing done to it ever. I love him. And Jayne wants to have his babies. He's the perfect man. And I dont want to ever have him ruin my perfect man image of him. So he can stay where he is and I will stay where I am. My crux might be a little unhappy about the idea, but tough.
Thought for the day....I love technology.
Its my fake positive attitude because Jayne has a date for valentines day and I dont. And Im not going to let on that Im even remotely unhappy about it. Ok, fine, she dumped me, me who was to be her date, for an actual date. We were going to sit at home and drink wine and mope about how pathetic we are. Well I cant do that on my own can I? I cant be pathetic on my own. Its not right. We are a team. And Ive no prospect at all. Oh Ok, I did actually get asked out, by a man even. However he lives a squillion miles away and only asked me knowing that as he was a squillion miles away it couldnt possibly be *shut up Jayne* and he was just trying to be nice so that I could at least tell Jayne I had actually been asked. So Im not totally pathetic.....
You boys are remembering me this valentines day arent you? Dont remember Jayne tho. Just me.
I have to fess up. Im in love. I know, I know, you hear me say this all the time. Ok, so I love easily, luckily for me I now get over it rather easily as well. YOu buddhist bastard I'll get you ...where was I? OH yes. I know its love this time becaue I even told Jayne about him and have even bestowed a name upon him. And not the usual Number....Are you all sitting down? His name from this day forward will be......BBH3. Because I am a romantic, but also a realist. He's beautiful. Even Jayne wants to have his babies. This one however, I am keeping to the plan with. This one is my internet love affair. YOU know, if you read way back here, I specifically said that buddhist bastard *i still chuckle at that contradiction* was my a fine love affair to be carried out over the net and it wasnt broken so shouldnt be fixed. Well, Ive learnt my lesson this time. A love affair on the internet with BBH3 will be just fine, and will not be getting any fixing done to it ever. I love him. And Jayne wants to have his babies. He's the perfect man. And I dont want to ever have him ruin my perfect man image of him. So he can stay where he is and I will stay where I am. My crux might be a little unhappy about the idea, but tough.
Thought for the day....I love technology.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
So I Don Know What That Is About Right
Todays horrorscope offering comes with words like socioeconomic and handcuffs. Im not sure I can make the connection....?
Nothing. No man to whinge about news. NO man to get all excited about news. No volunteers I noticed yesterday while I was busy being the most fabulous woman on the face of the planet *in your face Jayne*.
I did lay the law down on my children last night. And Himself. I told em all point blank....Come Valentines Day I expect to see cards with my name on it from all of them. ALL OF THEM. Number one son thought he would be funny and said what if I just write I love you on a peice of paper? Told him to fold it in half and voila, card. Now Im also telling you folk. Gers, this is your official two week advance warning. Come Valentines day, 14 february, I expect to see valentines offerings from you all. I said ALL. I can not, repeat not, take it if Jayne is my valentines day date and I dont have a pile of cards to rub in her face. God knows that woman could do with something rubbed in her face. Why am I even friends with her?
I broke a fingernail
Nothing. No man to whinge about news. NO man to get all excited about news. No volunteers I noticed yesterday while I was busy being the most fabulous woman on the face of the planet *in your face Jayne*.
I did lay the law down on my children last night. And Himself. I told em all point blank....Come Valentines Day I expect to see cards with my name on it from all of them. ALL OF THEM. Number one son thought he would be funny and said what if I just write I love you on a peice of paper? Told him to fold it in half and voila, card. Now Im also telling you folk. Gers, this is your official two week advance warning. Come Valentines day, 14 february, I expect to see valentines offerings from you all. I said ALL. I can not, repeat not, take it if Jayne is my valentines day date and I dont have a pile of cards to rub in her face. God knows that woman could do with something rubbed in her face. Why am I even friends with her?
I broke a fingernail
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
So I Need A Man Right
Cant stop, Im off to look at some cows today. Just had to share this cos its so in your face Jayne.
Todays Horrorscope:
Today you're likely to be feeling especially sensual and passionate, Princess. Therefore this is the perfect evening to schedule some quality time alone with a current or potential love partner. You're probably looking and feeling especially good, and this fact isn't likely to be lost on your friend. Throw some velvet pillows around, decorate the place with flowers, put out crackers, Brie and white wine - and be prepared for anything!
Ok, Gers, Rd, Im going to be needing a volunteer.
Todays Thought: Fabulous! What's not to love?
Todays Horrorscope:
Today you're likely to be feeling especially sensual and passionate, Princess. Therefore this is the perfect evening to schedule some quality time alone with a current or potential love partner. You're probably looking and feeling especially good, and this fact isn't likely to be lost on your friend. Throw some velvet pillows around, decorate the place with flowers, put out crackers, Brie and white wine - and be prepared for anything!
Ok, Gers, Rd, Im going to be needing a volunteer.
Todays Thought: Fabulous! What's not to love?
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