So What Price Love Right?

Nothing in this life comes free. Theres no such thing as a free lunch. The buy one get one free deal always makes you pay, and the too good to be true offer, is always too good to actually be true. But what price do we pay for love people?

This friend of mine, lets call her Jayne, though why Im even friends with her is beyond me, but I digress. This friend of mine Jayne, has resisted love for the better part of her adult years. Why she does that is beyond me, but thats because I know too much. See I've also been a single parent and the resistance of anything and everything is what comes naturally to us single mummies. We resist what we see everyday. Ok, so I soft of plagirised *oooh someone should spell that one for me* Dr Hannibal there, in that we covet what we see everyday. Same with us single mummies, we covet, we want, we dream, we have the damn thing handed to us and yet we still resist what we covet, want, dream every single day.......but Im not one to blog about my friends predicaments, because Im the princess and Im far more important anyway.

Today I fed my second dog a corn cob. Nothing too out of the ordinary you say? Yeah, cept this dog inhales everything, doesnt chew anything and now Im faced with a problem. An entire corn cob has to exit this dog sometime in the next two days. You know that corn never breaks down through the digestive system right? So that corn cob is wanna gonna come out whole. And I hate to break it to anyone, but a dogs anus isnt that big. Im going to find one dog in severe amounts of grunting type pain in the next few days.......and the only way thats gonna fix itself is if that corn cob makes it out..........Lets think about that for a second. Dogs anus, this size (0), corn cob this size (O). This (O) does not go into this (0) no matter how hard you try. Im gonna have to get it out.

And so I have come full circle. What price love? I love my man who owns this dog. I fed the dog. Thus, It must also go that I love the dog. And loving someone, or soemthing, must include all the part of the someone or the something, which means if I love him, and I love his dog, then I must love his dogs anus. But the dogs anus is too damn small, cos no corn cob is gonna fit out that anus. And Im gonna have to go in after it.

And me, with my hand fair up a dogs ass, is about as proof of love as you can get......Id like to resist, but whats the point? Its gonna hurt if I dont, and its gonna hurt if I do.

Todays thought for this very second? Yeah Jayne.....even Im surprised that my second dogs anus has any sort of bearing on your love life, but alas, there it is. I can resist, but whats that gonna get me? A dog who's ass hurts. You can resist, but whats it gonna get you? Possibly not a dogs sore anus, but soemthing is gonna hurt........
EEEEwwwwww, say it with me. EEEEEwwww. Now IM just like Jayne. Im resisting.

So That Will Show Me Wont It Right?

Well, its back to that bastard husband of mine. Yes Yes I know. Divorce, get one. Im working on it people. Im working on it. Anyways........

So he phones me yesterday and leaves a voicemail saying Yeah Happy Mothers Day. What the?? Whatever. Then he phones me again later in the evening. Now, after yesterdays phonecall I had decided that all future phone calls would go something like this:

ring ring ring ring
Me: Hello
Him: Whatever rot spills out of his mouth
Me: There is insufficient funds to continue this call. Please deposit a substantial amount of money and try again.


Which I thought was quite to the point and not more than he deserved anyway. However, the conversation went like this:

ring ring ring ring
Me: hello
Him: yeah Im gonna top myself tomorrow
Me: Ok, but can you send money first?


As Jayne points out to me, Im a total bitch and as I point out to Jayne, and anyone else for that matter, Id much rather be a widow than a divorcee anyway. Fact, Ive been saying it for years. Hardly the point. What sort of man lays that kind of guilt trip on someone? Its none of my business what he does. Hell, he made that clear four years ago. Why doesnt he ring that woman he was shacked up with for 2 years while I was out in the cold bouncing my fine ass on bankruptcy? You know why he doesnt ring her though......cos she doesnt give a shit. I apparently get the phonecall because Im his wife. I dont get the money though for being his wife. I dont get any of the supposed perks that come with being someones wife. I just get the crap layed on me when he feels like it.

Thought for the wee hours of the morning? That man will do anything to get out of giving me my money.

So How Did That Happen Right??

As you all know, Ive got this bastard husband right. Who left me like four years ago. NOt only left me, actually left me to rot. Penniless even. To the point where I couldnt even send the kids to school one week, cos I didnt have the money to buy the food for the lunches. See, my bastard husband, bless his lil heart, was all for family, thats why he did the runner and left us to starve while he was living it high on the hog *literally, the man is into pig hunting*, and we, his dear beloved wife and very own flesh and blood daughter, were two seconds away from starving. Theres my bastsard husband, makin his hundred grand a year in a job I freakin sourced for him and refusing to part with any of it .....and theres me with his pride and joy begging off anyone I can find in order to feed us.

Now...get this.......Now that im about to move in with my beloved ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, Ive morphed into the bitch who left Him and totally ruined HIS life!!! What the? How the fuck did that happen?

I could go on and on....i could. I just couldnt be assed.

Note to self....divorce, get one. KNow why? Cos no divorce is gonna be granted these days without plans having been put into place for the provision of the children of the marriage. Which includes financial arrangements. So, he is screwed. And thats just how I like him. Cos hes gonna have to pay up some money. Hell he's even gonna have to fess up hes been rippin the government off by deliberately not doing tax returns in order to get out of paying his 18% of a hundred grand for the last four years.