There can be no truer statement. I know this, because with a lack of money, your world has a habit of not turning at all. Or turning, but not in a direction you might like.
Not that many years ago, money was just this thing of mine that was in the bank. I didnt much care for it, there it just was. Didnt matter what I did, it was just there. Faithfully every week, there it was. Like an old dog that knows its place is right at your feet, where its always been. Where its always going to be. But one day I woke up, went to the bank and it wasnt there anymore. A sad sad day at the time. You know a sadder day than that? Yeah, every day after that one when you go to the bank and your friend money is not there. Yes, money and I used to be friends. We spent so much time together. We went out together. We made plans together. Hell, we did spontaneous things together, at the drop of a hat we would take not only ourselves, but our kids and our husband, as well as our husbands parents off on four day weekends to Fraser Island where we would think nothing of dropping five grand on accommodation, barge fee's, dinners out and the odd bottle of wine for no other reason than the pure enjoyment of having done so. And.....get this part, after the weekend? There'd my money be in the bank.....
Im not a great fan of money at the best of times. Ive never bowed down to it, Ive never set up a shiny altar to idolise it in, and Ive never really given much of a shit about it really. NOt a good friend to money am I? No wonder its no longer friends with me. But lately, lately IVe come to realise that I miss money. And the good times we used to have together. I miss the plans we used to make together. Cos money, bless its lil heart, was up for anything. You wanna blow some dollars on a drum kit for number one son money? Hell yes, lets do it. You wanna pay some bills this week money? You bet, money would say. You wanna buy 2 acres in a lil country town money? What are we waiting for money would say. What say we get a new dress money? Thats exactly what we should do money would say, hell lets get two, you deserve it! How bout a new car money? How would that be?? Why that would be right up my alley, money would say.
Ive just been on the phone with bbh2, who's lil heart we are not blessing at the moment. See, money and I bought him a 25 thousand dollar Landcruiser ute bout 6 years ago, because, see, Landcruiser is indestructible, last for fucking ever, always keeps going, workhorses they are........and today he tells me he has to get a new ute cos his is like a deadhorse these days. That was right after I said to him that he should remember a time way back when he needed my money to be his friend and now I would like his money to be my friend. Because I dont have any money friend at present.
Im always amazed at husbands, and ex husbands and their inability to see anything past the end of their fucking hands out. When money wasnt his friend, he was all for being friends with my money. But now, when I want to be friends with his money, he says......get this.......whats in it for me? Whats in it for you? WHATS IN IT FOR YOU?? How bout a lil good karma because when you wanted a fucking offshore fishing boat for thirty grand whos money where you friends with??? When you wanted not one, but two fucking harley's, whos money where you friends with? And, sunshine, while youve gotten me started....what the fuck was in it for me? Not a damn thing. I dont have a bike licence, I dont have a boat licence, wasnt gonna do me any good, cept cost me more fucking money cos everyone knows that boats and bikes are nothing more than money pits, and beings as how IM the only one who has a friend called money who's gonna be throwing money in the pit? Yeah, me. Never mind the fact you fucked off and left me penniliess to rot in hell while you used my money friend to get you where you wanted to be, never mind that you have been makin a hundred grand a year and not parting with any of it and leaving me to work out 101 things to feed a family with rice as the main ingredient. Whats in it for you? Who the fuck cares whats in it for you these days. But I'll tell you whats not in it for you. Whats not in it for you, is what you want. Which is me, and more precisely, whats between my legs. Cos if you actually wanted me, you wouldnt hve fucked off and left me in the first place, or you might have fucked off and left me int he first place, but you wouldnt have left me to rot while you did it, or you may have fucked off and left me in the first place and you may have left me to rot, but you would have woken up to yourself and sent some fucking friends round to take care of me, some fucking money friends you fucking wanker.
My husband, not bless his fucking lil heart, thinks Im a whore. He treats me like a whore, he speaks to me like a whore, and he fucking tries to buy me like a whore. Thats the thing with my husband, if you aint sucking his cock, he aint throwing any money at you, regardless of the fact you are single handedly raising his daughter on loose fucking change. Basically, long as Im prepared to fuck him at his discretion, he'll give me money. Long as Im prepared to suck his cock, he'll take me out to dinner. And if I swallow at the end, I'll get a fucking bonus new dress.
So heres the thing.....................if money makes the world go round, I better get used to standing in the one spot. And thats not that hard to do, ive been doing it for years now. Cept, lately.........lately I wouldnt mind moving on.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY? I bought a new dress already bbh2, and I didnt have to swallow to get it.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
So Stuff Right
Stuff. What a word. Great stuff. Stuff that happens. Shit stuff. Stuff it. Stuff that accumulates. Stuff that disappears. Stuff things away. Stuff is a word worth using.
Ive been into my stuff today. Actual stuff. Stuff that may have been great, or shit, definitely stuff that ought to have disappeared but accumulated itself leaving me no choice but to stuff it into a bag and dispose of it. Why do we have so much stuff?
Ive never been a hoarder. I dont know why. I rarely get attached to things I cant do without, until I get attached to things I cant do without then I never ever ever get rid of it. But mostly, stuff is just stuff and I dont need it anyway. Ive moved an awful lot in my life so Im always getting rid of stuff I wonder why I ever had. I like nice, clean, open surfaces with no stuff on it. I dont believe that cleaning up is the moving of stuff from one place to another. Thats tidying up. Cleaning up is getting rid of stuff totally, not just re homing it elsewhere.
I dont like stuff. I know. Sounds strange doesnt it? But stuff bothers me. Ive learnt over the years that you dont actually need half the stuff you have, in fact, you could probably be a lot better off if you didnt have half the stuff in the first place. Hey, dont get me wrong, I like pretty things. Im not totally against stuff. Soemtimes I think I want stuff, only to have it and then wonder why I have it, then I just get rid of it. Ok, so Im fickle. Im fine with that. In fact, I dont give a stuff. Its only very occasionally I say to myself....gee, I could really use a, *insert stuff Ive just gotten rid of* wish I hada kept that .......but then I survive totally fine without it which just reiterates that I never needed it in the first place.
Im all for getting rid of stuff you dont need. And keepin the stuff you really want to keep, or do need, not usually the same thing Ive learnt. Hardly the point. Point is....the only stuff you really need, is, to paraphrase my mate Bono a little....all that you cant leave behind. And Im leaving an awful lot of stuff behind these days. An awful lot of stuff. Dont need it. Dont want it. NO idea why I ever had it or kept it in the first place.
Thought for today....the stuff dreams are made of
Ive been into my stuff today. Actual stuff. Stuff that may have been great, or shit, definitely stuff that ought to have disappeared but accumulated itself leaving me no choice but to stuff it into a bag and dispose of it. Why do we have so much stuff?
Ive never been a hoarder. I dont know why. I rarely get attached to things I cant do without, until I get attached to things I cant do without then I never ever ever get rid of it. But mostly, stuff is just stuff and I dont need it anyway. Ive moved an awful lot in my life so Im always getting rid of stuff I wonder why I ever had. I like nice, clean, open surfaces with no stuff on it. I dont believe that cleaning up is the moving of stuff from one place to another. Thats tidying up. Cleaning up is getting rid of stuff totally, not just re homing it elsewhere.
I dont like stuff. I know. Sounds strange doesnt it? But stuff bothers me. Ive learnt over the years that you dont actually need half the stuff you have, in fact, you could probably be a lot better off if you didnt have half the stuff in the first place. Hey, dont get me wrong, I like pretty things. Im not totally against stuff. Soemtimes I think I want stuff, only to have it and then wonder why I have it, then I just get rid of it. Ok, so Im fickle. Im fine with that. In fact, I dont give a stuff. Its only very occasionally I say to myself....gee, I could really use a, *insert stuff Ive just gotten rid of* wish I hada kept that .......but then I survive totally fine without it which just reiterates that I never needed it in the first place.
Im all for getting rid of stuff you dont need. And keepin the stuff you really want to keep, or do need, not usually the same thing Ive learnt. Hardly the point. Point is....the only stuff you really need, is, to paraphrase my mate Bono a little....all that you cant leave behind. And Im leaving an awful lot of stuff behind these days. An awful lot of stuff. Dont need it. Dont want it. NO idea why I ever had it or kept it in the first place.
Thought for today....the stuff dreams are made of
Friday, April 24, 2009
So OH I Have Another Problem Now Right
Today, I rolled out of bed. OK thats a lie. I stood up from my laying on the floor because I dont actually have a bed. Ok, thats also a lie. I first got to my knee's, amid a pile of groaning and moaning, then I waited there a while before pushing myself half up to a crouch and waiting there for what seemed an eternity before being able to extend myself to my full height..............and thats when it hit me. Im fucking cold man.
Not cold hearted, I dont care what those bastard husbands of mine say, but actually cold. Like cold assed type cold. Hell I was under the feather doona last night, this does not look good for winter. Not the point. Point I was gonna make here was this.....It was cold last night, it was cold this morning, I was out of the trakkys and the flanny and the ugg boots for all of about four hours today and now IM about to head back into them. And its only the end of April. Which reminds me, its bastard husband number ones birthday today and also my daddy's birthday. Note to self, make a phonecall. ACtually, note to self: has bbh1 pissed me off lately? hell yes he has, so make that note a make two phonecalls...might as well return the favour......where was I?
Oh yes.......Im not a fan of cold weather. Im not a fan of being cold. I whinge when its cold. I whinge a fucking lot when its cold. I get cranky. I get pissed off. I get irrational. And I get miserable.
I also get to share the bed with PreciousPrincessJunior cos she doesnt like to be cold either. At least she isnt complaining about my current sleeping attire. I know, you thought I was going to make it through a whole blog without mentioning someone didnt you? Wrong! As if I would. In fact, Id go so far as to suggest that more of these blogs have that special someone mentioned in them than not. So there. Back to the point.....Im wearing a pre worn, so smells like already, tshirt I stole off my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago. And PreciousPrincessJunior says I smell goooooood. If I catch her makin eyes at my man I'll feed her brussel sprouts for dinner........
So, thought for this second.....electric blanket, break it out now?
Not cold hearted, I dont care what those bastard husbands of mine say, but actually cold. Like cold assed type cold. Hell I was under the feather doona last night, this does not look good for winter. Not the point. Point I was gonna make here was this.....It was cold last night, it was cold this morning, I was out of the trakkys and the flanny and the ugg boots for all of about four hours today and now IM about to head back into them. And its only the end of April. Which reminds me, its bastard husband number ones birthday today and also my daddy's birthday. Note to self, make a phonecall. ACtually, note to self: has bbh1 pissed me off lately? hell yes he has, so make that note a make two phonecalls...might as well return the favour......where was I?
Oh yes.......Im not a fan of cold weather. Im not a fan of being cold. I whinge when its cold. I whinge a fucking lot when its cold. I get cranky. I get pissed off. I get irrational. And I get miserable.
I also get to share the bed with PreciousPrincessJunior cos she doesnt like to be cold either. At least she isnt complaining about my current sleeping attire. I know, you thought I was going to make it through a whole blog without mentioning someone didnt you? Wrong! As if I would. In fact, Id go so far as to suggest that more of these blogs have that special someone mentioned in them than not. So there. Back to the point.....Im wearing a pre worn, so smells like already, tshirt I stole off my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago. And PreciousPrincessJunior says I smell goooooood. If I catch her makin eyes at my man I'll feed her brussel sprouts for dinner........
So, thought for this second.....electric blanket, break it out now?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
So Now I Have This Problem Right
Ive just spent ten days wrapped up in the hhhhot arms of my ever so hhhhot friend of 18 years ago, and when I say ten days, I dont mean ten days, I mean ten lots of 24 hours, alllllll of the day type ten days.
For those of you who aren't actually incurable romantics, best to look away now, cos Im about to spill a few lil secrets here that may cause you to vomit from the sickly sweetness of it all.
When I said ten days, I meant ten whole days. That man was never out of touching distance the whole time. Unless he was in the shower, and even then there was the incident......which I will not tell you about, suffice to say, even the shower wasnt alone time. For him or me. Not the point. Point is....even after a shower, we would come running out of the bathroom and straight into each others arms.
My problem now is......I feel so empty. I cant sleep. I dont know if Ive made matters worse by bringing home his tshirt which he's pre worn so I can have his smell around me ....perhaps that wasnt a good idea. Hey you all can shut up. I warned you it was gonna be sickly sweet in here today didnt I?
So my problem, being the one where my beautiful gorgeous Yang is not within reaching distance and Im miserable. Ive lost all will to live. IN fact, Im fairly certain the life has been totally sucked out of me. Its keeping me awake, its driving me crazy, though to be fair, that may have been the two days I just spent locked in the car with the kids.........whatever. The thing is........Im miserable.
Thought for this second?.....tissues, thankfully Gaanz has an obsession with buying boxes and boxes of them, I may just use some for a change.
For those of you who aren't actually incurable romantics, best to look away now, cos Im about to spill a few lil secrets here that may cause you to vomit from the sickly sweetness of it all.
When I said ten days, I meant ten whole days. That man was never out of touching distance the whole time. Unless he was in the shower, and even then there was the incident......which I will not tell you about, suffice to say, even the shower wasnt alone time. For him or me. Not the point. Point is....even after a shower, we would come running out of the bathroom and straight into each others arms.
My problem now is......I feel so empty. I cant sleep. I dont know if Ive made matters worse by bringing home his tshirt which he's pre worn so I can have his smell around me ....perhaps that wasnt a good idea. Hey you all can shut up. I warned you it was gonna be sickly sweet in here today didnt I?
So my problem, being the one where my beautiful gorgeous Yang is not within reaching distance and Im miserable. Ive lost all will to live. IN fact, Im fairly certain the life has been totally sucked out of me. Its keeping me awake, its driving me crazy, though to be fair, that may have been the two days I just spent locked in the car with the kids.........whatever. The thing is........Im miserable.
Thought for this second?.....tissues, thankfully Gaanz has an obsession with buying boxes and boxes of them, I may just use some for a change.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Soooo Oh and He Bought Me Flowers Right
Just neglected to mention that earlier .........and Im not totally sure what that thingy in the middle is al about...the one that says...So I checked wit...wht the hell is that? Oh yes, thats because im on My Yang's laptop and I dont type well on those things..,..
Thought for this second.....Ying, and yang baby.....Ying and Yang, ask me for the photos.....
Thought for this second.....Ying, and yang baby.....Ying and Yang, ask me for the photos.....
So I Checked With Jayne Right
And we are in agreeance that my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, my hhhhhot hot man I introduced to my mother, he who was always known as 'our' boyfriend is now officially known as my Yang.
Thats the Yang to my Ying. My other half. My completes me. And you know what? I fucking deserve him. Cos Ive been through a nasty nightmare or two in my life, ok, to be fair, BBH1 wasnt as nasty as BBH2 but thats hardly the point. The point is.........my Yang is what Ive been missing all this time. I knew it. You knew it. Everyone knew it, even Jayne, who cried by the way when I just phoned her to fess up that I totally love him and that is why Im friends with her. Cos she cries when Im happy. I soooo hope its because she's at least as happy for me as I am being me and not because she's jealous as all hell, which she should be, cos my Yang is the perfect man. And she knows it.
Ok, so I just wanted to fess that up. Im officially more than giving the boy a chance. Im officially more than opening up. Im officially weilding those scissors he gave me with care and detail. Which is not how I would usually weild scissors around some man's weapon of love but this time, thats what Im doing. Im takin that faith and trust on board and Im living the dream.
Note to all you blog readers..........sometimes you just got to take that chance, you just got to go home again and you just got to trim those pubes......
Thats the Yang to my Ying. My other half. My completes me. And you know what? I fucking deserve him. Cos Ive been through a nasty nightmare or two in my life, ok, to be fair, BBH1 wasnt as nasty as BBH2 but thats hardly the point. The point is.........my Yang is what Ive been missing all this time. I knew it. You knew it. Everyone knew it, even Jayne, who cried by the way when I just phoned her to fess up that I totally love him and that is why Im friends with her. Cos she cries when Im happy. I soooo hope its because she's at least as happy for me as I am being me and not because she's jealous as all hell, which she should be, cos my Yang is the perfect man. And she knows it.
Ok, so I just wanted to fess that up. Im officially more than giving the boy a chance. Im officially more than opening up. Im officially weilding those scissors he gave me with care and detail. Which is not how I would usually weild scissors around some man's weapon of love but this time, thats what Im doing. Im takin that faith and trust on board and Im living the dream.
Note to all you blog readers..........sometimes you just got to take that chance, you just got to go home again and you just got to trim those pubes......
So Faith and Trust Rule In Relationships Right?
No relationship can survive without faith and trust. Theres your average trust, where you just accept that your hot man isnt actually fucking everything that moves when your not looking. Theres your average faith when you just accept that you dont know where your relationship is, where its going, or whats going to happen when you get there, but you just accept that its all good and happily play along anyway.
Then theres the faith and trust that comes when your hot man hands you the scissors and says "babe, can you trim my pubes for me?". That my dear blog readers, is the ultimate in faith and trust. How often does a man hand you a pair of scissors and actually tell you you to knock yourself out with them somewhere near his weapon of love???
Which brings me to two points. I must now confess that recently I find myself wrapped up in one of those faith type relationships. yep you heard it here first people. im officially calling myself in a relationship. Shit, Jayne, didnt see that coming did you? This Precious Princess is soooooo in love with our boyfriend she actually went and changed his status from 'our' boyfriend to 'my' boyfriend. Jayne is not going to be happy. I dont even know why Im friends with her. Oh yes, thats right. Im friends with Jayne because she said you know what Princess.......go for it. So I did. And thats how I find myself with a pair of scissors in hand, in Western Australia, fully three states away from my usual place of residence and loving every second of my journey.
That ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? He's mine. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE Jayne. I know he's mine Jayne because this last week, I did his washing, and right now, Im frantically cookin up a casserole to leave in the freezer for him because Im worried he wont eat right. Im pathetic arent I? Thats ok, I dont care what you want to call me, because I.....my dear dear blog readers, and absolutely positively deadset, not a word of a lie, head over heels, full on, you bet your ass in love with my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago. But you lot knew that already didnt you? You lot knew that a month or two back didnt you? Ok, so I might just be fessing that part up to myself right now, but thats ok, because I kind of like it. And him. Hes ever so hhhhhot. You wanna know how hot he is? I introduced him to my mother........uh huh. Thats how hhhhhot he is, and thats how in love I am. Who takes just any old 18 year old friend home to mother? Ive got a bit of a tradition going on here....Ive only ever introduced two people to my mother as 'my' boyfriend, and both of them I married. Ok, so I ended up divorced both times, thats a tradition Im not planning on keeping up, the tradition I dont mind having is ....... marrying the man I introduce to my mother. So ner. Un pack the waterweave taffeta dress with the puffy sleeves and the sweetheart neckline Jayne, you and me, we are going to a wedding. MINE. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE.
Back to me now......cos Im my favourite subject right now, well, next to my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago who is officially my boyfriend, but alas, I find myself in a quandary. Im too old to have a boyfriend. I need to name him. I shall call him my.......hang on, I gotta check with Jayne for clarification on this one.....back in a second...
Thought for this second....*im not sure, im just checkin with Jayne, gimmmie a second*
Then theres the faith and trust that comes when your hot man hands you the scissors and says "babe, can you trim my pubes for me?". That my dear blog readers, is the ultimate in faith and trust. How often does a man hand you a pair of scissors and actually tell you you to knock yourself out with them somewhere near his weapon of love???
Which brings me to two points. I must now confess that recently I find myself wrapped up in one of those faith type relationships. yep you heard it here first people. im officially calling myself in a relationship. Shit, Jayne, didnt see that coming did you? This Precious Princess is soooooo in love with our boyfriend she actually went and changed his status from 'our' boyfriend to 'my' boyfriend. Jayne is not going to be happy. I dont even know why Im friends with her. Oh yes, thats right. Im friends with Jayne because she said you know what Princess.......go for it. So I did. And thats how I find myself with a pair of scissors in hand, in Western Australia, fully three states away from my usual place of residence and loving every second of my journey.
That ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? He's mine. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE Jayne. I know he's mine Jayne because this last week, I did his washing, and right now, Im frantically cookin up a casserole to leave in the freezer for him because Im worried he wont eat right. Im pathetic arent I? Thats ok, I dont care what you want to call me, because I.....my dear dear blog readers, and absolutely positively deadset, not a word of a lie, head over heels, full on, you bet your ass in love with my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago. But you lot knew that already didnt you? You lot knew that a month or two back didnt you? Ok, so I might just be fessing that part up to myself right now, but thats ok, because I kind of like it. And him. Hes ever so hhhhhot. You wanna know how hot he is? I introduced him to my mother........uh huh. Thats how hhhhhot he is, and thats how in love I am. Who takes just any old 18 year old friend home to mother? Ive got a bit of a tradition going on here....Ive only ever introduced two people to my mother as 'my' boyfriend, and both of them I married. Ok, so I ended up divorced both times, thats a tradition Im not planning on keeping up, the tradition I dont mind having is ....... marrying the man I introduce to my mother. So ner. Un pack the waterweave taffeta dress with the puffy sleeves and the sweetheart neckline Jayne, you and me, we are going to a wedding. MINE. MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE.
Back to me now......cos Im my favourite subject right now, well, next to my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago who is officially my boyfriend, but alas, I find myself in a quandary. Im too old to have a boyfriend. I need to name him. I shall call him my.......hang on, I gotta check with Jayne for clarification on this one.....back in a second...
Thought for this second....*im not sure, im just checkin with Jayne, gimmmie a second*
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
So you want cream with that cookie right?
The other day I was chatting with our boyfriend and just happened to mention my cookie *which has been kept in the jar a long time now dammit*. My cookie. Well Ive got news for you lot. After the beautician hacked her way through the forestry of tasmania, that cookie of mine? Its in a fit state to be seen in private again. Yay. Our boyfriend suggested he might like to butter my biscuit.
See, our boyfriend, hes just too polite. Its only very rarely I get knocked off my feet with the stuff that comes out of his mouth. Ok, i always get knocked off my feet when his mouth is moving but that isnt the point. The point is, he wants to butter my biscuit. I have from this second, decided that my cookie is no longer, it shall be forever referred to as my biscuit. And I fervently pray that it gets buttered some time in the near future.
But it got me to thinking, some of the very worst and some of the very best things Ive ever heard have not actually been about sweet things like biscuits and cookies. So why do I now consider this particular not very sweet thing at all, to be very sweet? Cos it came from the mouth I never actually expected to say such things. I guess its time for me to realise our boyfriend isnt the pimply faced teenager he was 18 years ago. See, 18 years ago, nothing like that would have dared to venture forth from his mouth. His mouth was made for sweet beautiful things * like my mouth dammit, shut up Jayne*. And now its all grown up. I have to admit, the idea fairly excites me. Remember I was telling you how he always managed to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time? Buttering my biscuit would not have been the right thing 18 years ago, today however, its sooooooooo the right thing. He's good isnt he?
Unlike that husband of mine who phoned today, mentioned he misses me and suggested I fly up to Darwin this weekend.....? Hello??? Is anyone home in there??? The only sweet thing to come out of his mouth is, here have some money. And thats about all I can ever hope for from him really isnt it? Him saying he will send me some money. Not the actual money of course. Just the saying he will part. I think its kind of funny he actually still thinks Im gonna fly up to his place for a weekend. Im not about to fly around for a weekend. I know whats on his mind...and I think it might involve a little butter on my biscuit, well tuff luck sunshine! You gave the biscuit away, now you cant butter it.
Chatting with an old friend today, she says, what you need Princess is a man to spoil you. Hell yes I do. I wanna be spoiled. And spoilt. And I want it now.
Thought for this second...>I want my biscuit and I want it buttered too.
See, our boyfriend, hes just too polite. Its only very rarely I get knocked off my feet with the stuff that comes out of his mouth. Ok, i always get knocked off my feet when his mouth is moving but that isnt the point. The point is, he wants to butter my biscuit. I have from this second, decided that my cookie is no longer, it shall be forever referred to as my biscuit. And I fervently pray that it gets buttered some time in the near future.
But it got me to thinking, some of the very worst and some of the very best things Ive ever heard have not actually been about sweet things like biscuits and cookies. So why do I now consider this particular not very sweet thing at all, to be very sweet? Cos it came from the mouth I never actually expected to say such things. I guess its time for me to realise our boyfriend isnt the pimply faced teenager he was 18 years ago. See, 18 years ago, nothing like that would have dared to venture forth from his mouth. His mouth was made for sweet beautiful things * like my mouth dammit, shut up Jayne*. And now its all grown up. I have to admit, the idea fairly excites me. Remember I was telling you how he always managed to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time? Buttering my biscuit would not have been the right thing 18 years ago, today however, its sooooooooo the right thing. He's good isnt he?
Unlike that husband of mine who phoned today, mentioned he misses me and suggested I fly up to Darwin this weekend.....? Hello??? Is anyone home in there??? The only sweet thing to come out of his mouth is, here have some money. And thats about all I can ever hope for from him really isnt it? Him saying he will send me some money. Not the actual money of course. Just the saying he will part. I think its kind of funny he actually still thinks Im gonna fly up to his place for a weekend. Im not about to fly around for a weekend. I know whats on his mind...and I think it might involve a little butter on my biscuit, well tuff luck sunshine! You gave the biscuit away, now you cant butter it.
Chatting with an old friend today, she says, what you need Princess is a man to spoil you. Hell yes I do. I wanna be spoiled. And spoilt. And I want it now.
Thought for this second...>I want my biscuit and I want it buttered too.
Monday, April 6, 2009
So I Need To Relieve Myself Right
The last two days Ive spent with a hot water bottle strapped tomy back, unknown untold drugs down my throat and my mobile phone in my hand so I can phone Number One Son to come and 'help mummy'. Mummy, has done her back again. Mummy needs a new one. Mummy isnt about to get one and I havent had a realllly bad back moment in a good 6 months now so all in all Im pretty pleased with myself. However, in just two days, Im drivin my ass to qld, palmin my kids off on their fathers, or their fatheres families and havin my self a holiday, and nothing is going to get in my way of it.
Jayne says possibly my chakra's are all blocked up in nervous anticipation of my impending holiday and I should 'relieve my tensions' in the time honoured way of old. By doing it myself. Good plan Jayne, cept Im fairly certain I couldnt reach that particular chakra if I tried. I may not even be able to reach my own ass at the moment, so my chakra's are not the only thing blocked up.
Oh masturbation, the one thing you can truly rely on hey? Im a single woman, I dont mind admitting Im a fan of masturbation. I have to be. And Jayne is right, my chakra's may well be all blocked up cos remember that vibrator Im not too embarrassed to mention? Little did I know the damn thing glows flourescent pink in the dark and lights up the damn room. Its that bright you could do needlepoint by it if you really wanted to. As such, it doesnt get out of the bedside drawer very often. Or I might find myself explaining alien life forms, ufo's or min min lights to a couple of concerned children who want to know what the glowing light and strange hum coming from my bedroom is all about.......
Which brings me to my pocketnews horroscope of today....coast along tyhis morning; your efforts may not be appreciated until this afternoon when your passion and efforts are recognised and rewarded...................buddy, you must have been peerin through my window cos coast along is about all I can manage today. But its nice to know that this afternoon Im to be rewarded. Which now leaves me wondering just how my passion can be rewarded when my back is in the state it is in........???
If my blog sounds a lil out of joint and mixed up this morning, i blame the drugs. or my blocked up chakra. Or my blocked up ass. Either way, its not reallly my fault.
Thought for this second....Yes please nurse, I'll have another.
Jayne says possibly my chakra's are all blocked up in nervous anticipation of my impending holiday and I should 'relieve my tensions' in the time honoured way of old. By doing it myself. Good plan Jayne, cept Im fairly certain I couldnt reach that particular chakra if I tried. I may not even be able to reach my own ass at the moment, so my chakra's are not the only thing blocked up.
Oh masturbation, the one thing you can truly rely on hey? Im a single woman, I dont mind admitting Im a fan of masturbation. I have to be. And Jayne is right, my chakra's may well be all blocked up cos remember that vibrator Im not too embarrassed to mention? Little did I know the damn thing glows flourescent pink in the dark and lights up the damn room. Its that bright you could do needlepoint by it if you really wanted to. As such, it doesnt get out of the bedside drawer very often. Or I might find myself explaining alien life forms, ufo's or min min lights to a couple of concerned children who want to know what the glowing light and strange hum coming from my bedroom is all about.......
Which brings me to my pocketnews horroscope of today....coast along tyhis morning; your efforts may not be appreciated until this afternoon when your passion and efforts are recognised and rewarded...................buddy, you must have been peerin through my window cos coast along is about all I can manage today. But its nice to know that this afternoon Im to be rewarded. Which now leaves me wondering just how my passion can be rewarded when my back is in the state it is in........???
If my blog sounds a lil out of joint and mixed up this morning, i blame the drugs. or my blocked up chakra. Or my blocked up ass. Either way, its not reallly my fault.
Thought for this second....Yes please nurse, I'll have another.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
So Thats A Guaranteed 6 Months Right
Jayne and I were chatting last night and it occurs to us that we have given ourselves a solid 6 months of pure fantasy by doing nothing more than having a determination to want to believe in fantasy itself. Not bad hey?
Fantasy is the new 40, or the new black, or the new whatever wasnt new a lil while ago but suddenly is new now, or again, or never was but should have been. Whatever. The thing is, fantasy is quite the greatest place on earth and Im damn pleased that I live in it every single day. And Im even more pleased that Im no longer just living in it, Im bloody will creating it, living it, believing it and loving every second of it.
As you all know, Jayne and I, we are single. Usually pathetically so. Shut up Jayne, we are. Why are you even friends with me? We are single mummy's and we realised a long time ago that if we wanted something the only way to get it, was to make it happen. Of course, what we want changes daily, afterall, we are female. But that is hardly the point. We flit from wanting great jobs, to great careers, to any fucking job will do at the moment, to a new job, to no job at all. We want beautiful men, smart men, witty men, intelligent men, hhhhhot men, men who are gay, men who want to fuck us, men we want to fuck, men we want to date, nice men, men who arent dickheads, men who arent brilliant just breathing will do fine, men like our brothers, like our fathers, like our husbands, men who arent our husbands, men who wanna take care of us, men who love our independance, men who wanna buy us soemthing pretty, men who we can lean on, men who can fix our fucking cars, men who pay someone to fix our fucking cars, men who teach us to fix our fucking cars, men who say, you know what fuck the car, lets get a taxi.
We want great moments, lazy moments, no moments, moments by ourselves, moments with our kids, moments without our kids *lots of moments without our kids*, moments that make us go wow, moments that make us go what the fuck? We want bigger tits, smaller tits, better tits, these tits or those tits. We want curves, we want less curves, we want our asses to be bigger, or smaller, or spanked, or caressed. WE want our cookies to be eaten, we want them left in the jar, we want them with cream on them, we want YOU to want to eat them, or leave them in the jar, or put cream on them.
In short, Jayne and I, just like everyone else, want it all. No one can have it all. Everyone knows that. But we've worked out how we can have it all. And thats what we are doing. WE are having it all. By allowing ourselves to live in fantasy. NOt just live there, fucking create it. And thats a beautiful thing.
YOu know, as a single mummy I spend most of my time in fantasyland. When the kids are throwing up for the 23rd time in the last 48 hours I fantasize that their father will get up and clean it up. When yet another note comes home from school asking for more money, I pretend its not a worry at all. If Number one son needs a new pair of shoes I just imagine that theres plenty of money for em. Come birthday time, I hand twenty bucks over to the kids, tell em to go buy mummy something nice, then settle myself into those massage chairs in the shopping centres, feed my 2 buck coins in and just pretend the lil mechanical thing pushin and rollin my muscles is actually a totally hot guy called Sven from Sweden. Fantasyland. I recommend it. Its all there in Fantasyland.
When it comes to romance, the non existant part of my life, I just make one up. I can have it however I want it. I want an 'our boyfriend' who sweet talks me with beautiful words? Hey, imagine it and voila, turn up he does. Ok, so he's miles away, who the hell cares. Distance has no part in fantasy, why focus on that part of it? The fantasy part, the sweet talkin, thats what you focus on. If I want an 'our husband' to sweep me off my feet and take me to bloody vegas to be married by elvis, then fuck it, thats what I'll have. Why the hell not? All you have to do is want to believe in it. YOu dont even have to believe in it. YOu just have to want to believe in it. And thats your ticket to happiness people. Dont let reality get in the way of your fantasys. Theres plenty of time for reality, there just isnt enough time for fantasy. So Jayne and I, we've been makin time for it. We are wanting to believe the most fantastic of fantasys. We want to belive that out there somewhere, is the perfect man who knows how fantasyastic we are and by god we'll find him, even if we have to fantasize him into being. And the bills will still be there tomorrow, the shoes will still need buying, the asses will still need to be bigger, or smaller, but who the hell cares?
Thought for this second.....6 months of ever so hot friend of 18 years ago pure fantasy? Priceless. And I wouldnt give it up for all the reality in Fantasyland
Fantasy is the new 40, or the new black, or the new whatever wasnt new a lil while ago but suddenly is new now, or again, or never was but should have been. Whatever. The thing is, fantasy is quite the greatest place on earth and Im damn pleased that I live in it every single day. And Im even more pleased that Im no longer just living in it, Im bloody will creating it, living it, believing it and loving every second of it.
As you all know, Jayne and I, we are single. Usually pathetically so. Shut up Jayne, we are. Why are you even friends with me? We are single mummy's and we realised a long time ago that if we wanted something the only way to get it, was to make it happen. Of course, what we want changes daily, afterall, we are female. But that is hardly the point. We flit from wanting great jobs, to great careers, to any fucking job will do at the moment, to a new job, to no job at all. We want beautiful men, smart men, witty men, intelligent men, hhhhhot men, men who are gay, men who want to fuck us, men we want to fuck, men we want to date, nice men, men who arent dickheads, men who arent brilliant just breathing will do fine, men like our brothers, like our fathers, like our husbands, men who arent our husbands, men who wanna take care of us, men who love our independance, men who wanna buy us soemthing pretty, men who we can lean on, men who can fix our fucking cars, men who pay someone to fix our fucking cars, men who teach us to fix our fucking cars, men who say, you know what fuck the car, lets get a taxi.
We want great moments, lazy moments, no moments, moments by ourselves, moments with our kids, moments without our kids *lots of moments without our kids*, moments that make us go wow, moments that make us go what the fuck? We want bigger tits, smaller tits, better tits, these tits or those tits. We want curves, we want less curves, we want our asses to be bigger, or smaller, or spanked, or caressed. WE want our cookies to be eaten, we want them left in the jar, we want them with cream on them, we want YOU to want to eat them, or leave them in the jar, or put cream on them.
In short, Jayne and I, just like everyone else, want it all. No one can have it all. Everyone knows that. But we've worked out how we can have it all. And thats what we are doing. WE are having it all. By allowing ourselves to live in fantasy. NOt just live there, fucking create it. And thats a beautiful thing.
YOu know, as a single mummy I spend most of my time in fantasyland. When the kids are throwing up for the 23rd time in the last 48 hours I fantasize that their father will get up and clean it up. When yet another note comes home from school asking for more money, I pretend its not a worry at all. If Number one son needs a new pair of shoes I just imagine that theres plenty of money for em. Come birthday time, I hand twenty bucks over to the kids, tell em to go buy mummy something nice, then settle myself into those massage chairs in the shopping centres, feed my 2 buck coins in and just pretend the lil mechanical thing pushin and rollin my muscles is actually a totally hot guy called Sven from Sweden. Fantasyland. I recommend it. Its all there in Fantasyland.
When it comes to romance, the non existant part of my life, I just make one up. I can have it however I want it. I want an 'our boyfriend' who sweet talks me with beautiful words? Hey, imagine it and voila, turn up he does. Ok, so he's miles away, who the hell cares. Distance has no part in fantasy, why focus on that part of it? The fantasy part, the sweet talkin, thats what you focus on. If I want an 'our husband' to sweep me off my feet and take me to bloody vegas to be married by elvis, then fuck it, thats what I'll have. Why the hell not? All you have to do is want to believe in it. YOu dont even have to believe in it. YOu just have to want to believe in it. And thats your ticket to happiness people. Dont let reality get in the way of your fantasys. Theres plenty of time for reality, there just isnt enough time for fantasy. So Jayne and I, we've been makin time for it. We are wanting to believe the most fantastic of fantasys. We want to belive that out there somewhere, is the perfect man who knows how fantasyastic we are and by god we'll find him, even if we have to fantasize him into being. And the bills will still be there tomorrow, the shoes will still need buying, the asses will still need to be bigger, or smaller, but who the hell cares?
Thought for this second.....6 months of ever so hot friend of 18 years ago pure fantasy? Priceless. And I wouldnt give it up for all the reality in Fantasyland
Thursday, April 2, 2009
So I Get Asked Out Via Text a LOT Right?
And im wondering if its really the done thing to do....
Its probably not is it? I think it might show a lack of balls. Im not sure. Im still out on this one.
See, I realise that most of my social life takes place via the net. And Im perfectly fine with that. Mostly, people bug the hell out of me, and I can always turn off the computer and walk away from it, or I can ignore the phone and just not answer any texts, I can choose when and how I do my socialising....and thats just how I like it.
So I guess its a given that people who do the same thing would gravitate towards each other right? And one of the things Ive noticed about this gravitational pull going on is this.....Im socialising with my sorts of people.....and thats just how I like it.
Im not sure if I would ever ask anyone out via text or msn though. Im frantically searching through my menomories trying to see if I ever have, and Im certain I havent. So Im still trying to work out if I think its a bad thing or not.
This blog entry may have gone a lot further, if I could work out my position on it. Perhaps I will come back to it at a later stage.
Thought for this moment?....I hate unfinished business.
Its probably not is it? I think it might show a lack of balls. Im not sure. Im still out on this one.
See, I realise that most of my social life takes place via the net. And Im perfectly fine with that. Mostly, people bug the hell out of me, and I can always turn off the computer and walk away from it, or I can ignore the phone and just not answer any texts, I can choose when and how I do my socialising....and thats just how I like it.
So I guess its a given that people who do the same thing would gravitate towards each other right? And one of the things Ive noticed about this gravitational pull going on is this.....Im socialising with my sorts of people.....and thats just how I like it.
Im not sure if I would ever ask anyone out via text or msn though. Im frantically searching through my menomories trying to see if I ever have, and Im certain I havent. So Im still trying to work out if I think its a bad thing or not.
This blog entry may have gone a lot further, if I could work out my position on it. Perhaps I will come back to it at a later stage.
Thought for this moment?....I hate unfinished business.
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