So What Price Love Right?

Nothing in this life comes free. Theres no such thing as a free lunch. The buy one get one free deal always makes you pay, and the too good to be true offer, is always too good to actually be true. But what price do we pay for love people?

This friend of mine, lets call her Jayne, though why Im even friends with her is beyond me, but I digress. This friend of mine Jayne, has resisted love for the better part of her adult years. Why she does that is beyond me, but thats because I know too much. See I've also been a single parent and the resistance of anything and everything is what comes naturally to us single mummies. We resist what we see everyday. Ok, so I soft of plagirised *oooh someone should spell that one for me* Dr Hannibal there, in that we covet what we see everyday. Same with us single mummies, we covet, we want, we dream, we have the damn thing handed to us and yet we still resist what we covet, want, dream every single day.......but Im not one to blog about my friends predicaments, because Im the princess and Im far more important anyway.

Today I fed my second dog a corn cob. Nothing too out of the ordinary you say? Yeah, cept this dog inhales everything, doesnt chew anything and now Im faced with a problem. An entire corn cob has to exit this dog sometime in the next two days. You know that corn never breaks down through the digestive system right? So that corn cob is wanna gonna come out whole. And I hate to break it to anyone, but a dogs anus isnt that big. Im going to find one dog in severe amounts of grunting type pain in the next few days.......and the only way thats gonna fix itself is if that corn cob makes it out..........Lets think about that for a second. Dogs anus, this size (0), corn cob this size (O). This (O) does not go into this (0) no matter how hard you try. Im gonna have to get it out.

And so I have come full circle. What price love? I love my man who owns this dog. I fed the dog. Thus, It must also go that I love the dog. And loving someone, or soemthing, must include all the part of the someone or the something, which means if I love him, and I love his dog, then I must love his dogs anus. But the dogs anus is too damn small, cos no corn cob is gonna fit out that anus. And Im gonna have to go in after it.

And me, with my hand fair up a dogs ass, is about as proof of love as you can get......Id like to resist, but whats the point? Its gonna hurt if I dont, and its gonna hurt if I do.

Todays thought for this very second? Yeah Jayne.....even Im surprised that my second dogs anus has any sort of bearing on your love life, but alas, there it is. I can resist, but whats that gonna get me? A dog who's ass hurts. You can resist, but whats it gonna get you? Possibly not a dogs sore anus, but soemthing is gonna hurt........
EEEEwwwwww, say it with me. EEEEEwwww. Now IM just like Jayne. Im resisting.

So That Will Show Me Wont It Right?

Well, its back to that bastard husband of mine. Yes Yes I know. Divorce, get one. Im working on it people. Im working on it. Anyways........

So he phones me yesterday and leaves a voicemail saying Yeah Happy Mothers Day. What the?? Whatever. Then he phones me again later in the evening. Now, after yesterdays phonecall I had decided that all future phone calls would go something like this:

ring ring ring ring
Me: Hello
Him: Whatever rot spills out of his mouth
Me: There is insufficient funds to continue this call. Please deposit a substantial amount of money and try again.


Which I thought was quite to the point and not more than he deserved anyway. However, the conversation went like this:

ring ring ring ring
Me: hello
Him: yeah Im gonna top myself tomorrow
Me: Ok, but can you send money first?


As Jayne points out to me, Im a total bitch and as I point out to Jayne, and anyone else for that matter, Id much rather be a widow than a divorcee anyway. Fact, Ive been saying it for years. Hardly the point. What sort of man lays that kind of guilt trip on someone? Its none of my business what he does. Hell, he made that clear four years ago. Why doesnt he ring that woman he was shacked up with for 2 years while I was out in the cold bouncing my fine ass on bankruptcy? You know why he doesnt ring her though......cos she doesnt give a shit. I apparently get the phonecall because Im his wife. I dont get the money though for being his wife. I dont get any of the supposed perks that come with being someones wife. I just get the crap layed on me when he feels like it.

Thought for the wee hours of the morning? That man will do anything to get out of giving me my money.

So How Did That Happen Right??

As you all know, Ive got this bastard husband right. Who left me like four years ago. NOt only left me, actually left me to rot. Penniless even. To the point where I couldnt even send the kids to school one week, cos I didnt have the money to buy the food for the lunches. See, my bastard husband, bless his lil heart, was all for family, thats why he did the runner and left us to starve while he was living it high on the hog *literally, the man is into pig hunting*, and we, his dear beloved wife and very own flesh and blood daughter, were two seconds away from starving. Theres my bastsard husband, makin his hundred grand a year in a job I freakin sourced for him and refusing to part with any of it .....and theres me with his pride and joy begging off anyone I can find in order to feed us.

Now...get this.......Now that im about to move in with my beloved ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, Ive morphed into the bitch who left Him and totally ruined HIS life!!! What the? How the fuck did that happen?

I could go on and on....i could. I just couldnt be assed.

Note to self....divorce, get one. KNow why? Cos no divorce is gonna be granted these days without plans having been put into place for the provision of the children of the marriage. Which includes financial arrangements. So, he is screwed. And thats just how I like him. Cos hes gonna have to pay up some money. Hell he's even gonna have to fess up hes been rippin the government off by deliberately not doing tax returns in order to get out of paying his 18% of a hundred grand for the last four years.

So Money Makes The World Go Round Right

There can be no truer statement. I know this, because with a lack of money, your world has a habit of not turning at all. Or turning, but not in a direction you might like.

Not that many years ago, money was just this thing of mine that was in the bank. I didnt much care for it, there it just was. Didnt matter what I did, it was just there. Faithfully every week, there it was. Like an old dog that knows its place is right at your feet, where its always been. Where its always going to be. But one day I woke up, went to the bank and it wasnt there anymore. A sad sad day at the time. You know a sadder day than that? Yeah, every day after that one when you go to the bank and your friend money is not there. Yes, money and I used to be friends. We spent so much time together. We went out together. We made plans together. Hell, we did spontaneous things together, at the drop of a hat we would take not only ourselves, but our kids and our husband, as well as our husbands parents off on four day weekends to Fraser Island where we would think nothing of dropping five grand on accommodation, barge fee's, dinners out and the odd bottle of wine for no other reason than the pure enjoyment of having done so. And.....get this part, after the weekend? There'd my money be in the bank.....

Im not a great fan of money at the best of times. Ive never bowed down to it, Ive never set up a shiny altar to idolise it in, and Ive never really given much of a shit about it really. NOt a good friend to money am I? No wonder its no longer friends with me. But lately, lately IVe come to realise that I miss money. And the good times we used to have together. I miss the plans we used to make together. Cos money, bless its lil heart, was up for anything. You wanna blow some dollars on a drum kit for number one son money? Hell yes, lets do it. You wanna pay some bills this week money? You bet, money would say. You wanna buy 2 acres in a lil country town money? What are we waiting for money would say. What say we get a new dress money? Thats exactly what we should do money would say, hell lets get two, you deserve it! How bout a new car money? How would that be?? Why that would be right up my alley, money would say.

Ive just been on the phone with bbh2, who's lil heart we are not blessing at the moment. See, money and I bought him a 25 thousand dollar Landcruiser ute bout 6 years ago, because, see, Landcruiser is indestructible, last for fucking ever, always keeps going, workhorses they are........and today he tells me he has to get a new ute cos his is like a deadhorse these days. That was right after I said to him that he should remember a time way back when he needed my money to be his friend and now I would like his money to be my friend. Because I dont have any money friend at present.

Im always amazed at husbands, and ex husbands and their inability to see anything past the end of their fucking hands out. When money wasnt his friend, he was all for being friends with my money. But now, when I want to be friends with his money, he says......get this.......whats in it for me? Whats in it for you? WHATS IN IT FOR YOU?? How bout a lil good karma because when you wanted a fucking offshore fishing boat for thirty grand whos money where you friends with??? When you wanted not one, but two fucking harley's, whos money where you friends with? And, sunshine, while youve gotten me started....what the fuck was in it for me? Not a damn thing. I dont have a bike licence, I dont have a boat licence, wasnt gonna do me any good, cept cost me more fucking money cos everyone knows that boats and bikes are nothing more than money pits, and beings as how IM the only one who has a friend called money who's gonna be throwing money in the pit? Yeah, me. Never mind the fact you fucked off and left me penniliess to rot in hell while you used my money friend to get you where you wanted to be, never mind that you have been makin a hundred grand a year and not parting with any of it and leaving me to work out 101 things to feed a family with rice as the main ingredient. Whats in it for you? Who the fuck cares whats in it for you these days. But I'll tell you whats not in it for you. Whats not in it for you, is what you want. Which is me, and more precisely, whats between my legs. Cos if you actually wanted me, you wouldnt hve fucked off and left me in the first place, or you might have fucked off and left me int he first place, but you wouldnt have left me to rot while you did it, or you may have fucked off and left me in the first place and you may have left me to rot, but you would have woken up to yourself and sent some fucking friends round to take care of me, some fucking money friends you fucking wanker.

My husband, not bless his fucking lil heart, thinks Im a whore. He treats me like a whore, he speaks to me like a whore, and he fucking tries to buy me like a whore. Thats the thing with my husband, if you aint sucking his cock, he aint throwing any money at you, regardless of the fact you are single handedly raising his daughter on loose fucking change. Basically, long as Im prepared to fuck him at his discretion, he'll give me money. Long as Im prepared to suck his cock, he'll take me out to dinner. And if I swallow at the end, I'll get a fucking bonus new dress.

So heres the thing.....................if money makes the world go round, I better get used to standing in the one spot. And thats not that hard to do, ive been doing it for years now. Cept, lately.........lately I wouldnt mind moving on.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY? I bought a new dress already bbh2, and I didnt have to swallow to get it.

So Stuff Right

Stuff. What a word. Great stuff. Stuff that happens. Shit stuff. Stuff it. Stuff that accumulates. Stuff that disappears. Stuff things away. Stuff is a word worth using.

Ive been into my stuff today. Actual stuff. Stuff that may have been great, or shit, definitely stuff that ought to have disappeared but accumulated itself leaving me no choice but to stuff it into a bag and dispose of it. Why do we have so much stuff?

Ive never been a hoarder. I dont know why. I rarely get attached to things I cant do without, until I get attached to things I cant do without then I never ever ever get rid of it. But mostly, stuff is just stuff and I dont need it anyway. Ive moved an awful lot in my life so Im always getting rid of stuff I wonder why I ever had. I like nice, clean, open surfaces with no stuff on it. I dont believe that cleaning up is the moving of stuff from one place to another. Thats tidying up. Cleaning up is getting rid of stuff totally, not just re homing it elsewhere.

I dont like stuff. I know. Sounds strange doesnt it? But stuff bothers me. Ive learnt over the years that you dont actually need half the stuff you have, in fact, you could probably be a lot better off if you didnt have half the stuff in the first place. Hey, dont get me wrong, I like pretty things. Im not totally against stuff. Soemtimes I think I want stuff, only to have it and then wonder why I have it, then I just get rid of it. Ok, so Im fickle. Im fine with that. In fact, I dont give a stuff. Its only very occasionally I say to myself....gee, I could really use a, *insert stuff Ive just gotten rid of* wish I hada kept that .......but then I survive totally fine without it which just reiterates that I never needed it in the first place.

Im all for getting rid of stuff you dont need. And keepin the stuff you really want to keep, or do need, not usually the same thing Ive learnt. Hardly the point. Point is....the only stuff you really need, is, to paraphrase my mate Bono a little....all that you cant leave behind. And Im leaving an awful lot of stuff behind these days. An awful lot of stuff. Dont need it. Dont want it. NO idea why I ever had it or kept it in the first place.

Thought for today....the stuff dreams are made of

So OH I Have Another Problem Now Right

Today, I rolled out of bed. OK thats a lie. I stood up from my laying on the floor because I dont actually have a bed. Ok, thats also a lie. I first got to my knee's, amid a pile of groaning and moaning, then I waited there a while before pushing myself half up to a crouch and waiting there for what seemed an eternity before being able to extend myself to my full height..............and thats when it hit me. Im fucking cold man.

Not cold hearted, I dont care what those bastard husbands of mine say, but actually cold. Like cold assed type cold. Hell I was under the feather doona last night, this does not look good for winter. Not the point. Point I was gonna make here was this.....It was cold last night, it was cold this morning, I was out of the trakkys and the flanny and the ugg boots for all of about four hours today and now IM about to head back into them. And its only the end of April. Which reminds me, its bastard husband number ones birthday today and also my daddy's birthday. Note to self, make a phonecall. ACtually, note to self: has bbh1 pissed me off lately? hell yes he has, so make that note a make two phonecalls...might as well return the favour......where was I?

Oh yes.......Im not a fan of cold weather. Im not a fan of being cold. I whinge when its cold. I whinge a fucking lot when its cold. I get cranky. I get pissed off. I get irrational. And I get miserable.

I also get to share the bed with PreciousPrincessJunior cos she doesnt like to be cold either. At least she isnt complaining about my current sleeping attire. I know, you thought I was going to make it through a whole blog without mentioning someone didnt you? Wrong! As if I would. In fact, Id go so far as to suggest that more of these blogs have that special someone mentioned in them than not. So there. Back to the point.....Im wearing a pre worn, so smells like already, tshirt I stole off my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago. And PreciousPrincessJunior says I smell goooooood. If I catch her makin eyes at my man I'll feed her brussel sprouts for dinner........

So, thought for this second.....electric blanket, break it out now?

So Now I Have This Problem Right

Ive just spent ten days wrapped up in the hhhhot arms of my ever so hhhhot friend of 18 years ago, and when I say ten days, I dont mean ten days, I mean ten lots of 24 hours, alllllll of the day type ten days.

For those of you who aren't actually incurable romantics, best to look away now, cos Im about to spill a few lil secrets here that may cause you to vomit from the sickly sweetness of it all.

When I said ten days, I meant ten whole days. That man was never out of touching distance the whole time. Unless he was in the shower, and even then there was the incident......which I will not tell you about, suffice to say, even the shower wasnt alone time. For him or me. Not the point. Point is....even after a shower, we would come running out of the bathroom and straight into each others arms.

My problem now is......I feel so empty. I cant sleep. I dont know if Ive made matters worse by bringing home his tshirt which he's pre worn so I can have his smell around me ....perhaps that wasnt a good idea. Hey you all can shut up. I warned you it was gonna be sickly sweet in here today didnt I?

So my problem, being the one where my beautiful gorgeous Yang is not within reaching distance and Im miserable. Ive lost all will to live. IN fact, Im fairly certain the life has been totally sucked out of me. Its keeping me awake, its driving me crazy, though to be fair, that may have been the two days I just spent locked in the car with the kids.........whatever. The thing is........Im miserable.

Thought for this second?.....tissues, thankfully Gaanz has an obsession with buying boxes and boxes of them, I may just use some for a change.