So I Was On The Phone Last Night Right

A lot. I was on the phone an awful lot last night, both batteries went flat. The phone batteries. Shut Up Jayne. Everyone was either in crisis and they knew it, or in crisis and they didnt know it. Either way, I was on the phone half the night.

First up Jack1. After that mass txting of the valentines cutesy wutesy, he actually phoned me last night to see if I wanted to get laid. Yep. Thats what I said. God I can pick them can't I? That one, he was in crisis and he knew it, he just was also in another crisis and didnt know at the same time. YOU dont booty call me. Thats rude. I can, however, booty call much as I want, but I'll be stuffed if IM having some guy booty call me. It just doesnt work that way. And no amount of feeling pathetic about valentines day is gonna get me to answer a booty call. Might depend on who called I guess. NO. Like I said, I can make the booty call, I do not get booty called. Thats just wrong on so many levels. Unfair of me yes, but so what? I dont care. My rules are for me. As long as I like them, thats all that matters. Freaking booty call me? I dont think so.

The ever so hot friend of 18 years ago? He needed help with his msn messenger. Crisis he knew he was in? Couldnt work messenger. Crisis he didnt know he was in? That boy has webcam! And I was allllll for getting his messenger sorted. Though, I probably shouldnt have. Cos once that happened, there he was, in the flesh, so to speak at least, right in front of me, AND LOOKING AS EXACTLY DELICIOUS AS HE WAS ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. Reallly weird it was. I sort of sat back in my seat with my hands over my mouth *not to cover the cold sores people, i dont have a cam, he cant see me* in the classic OMFREAKINGGOD pose people get when they are actually oh my freaking godding. Godding is not a word. Not the point. Now Im in a crisis I didnt know I was in.

See, the funny thing about memories, and menomories is YOU get to choose how you are going to see the memory. You can choose to see only the good, or the bad. The ever so hot, or the ever so not. Its all your choice. Me? I chose to remember something else at the exact moment that boy flashed up on my screen. I think we have an answer here people to the age old question....What the hell did I ever see in that greek god of mine? I had the strangest sense of de ja vu. Seriously. Ok, so heres a boy I spent an obscenely large amount of time kissing way back in my younger, more formulative years, who I have always thought so.......so.......whats the fondly equivalent that means i might actually die if I dont have this man right now?? Fondly doesnt realllly cover it does it? Whatever, so lets just use fondly? Its polite, I can be polite sometimes. So heres this boy from way back, from before greek god days, that I have always thought so fondly of, i just could never rmember his damn name! Not the point. I wanted him way back then, *as only an 18 year old girl can want a guy in as much as if they dont have them their whole lives will be ruined and they wont ever be able to go on, their cookie shaped hearts will be broken in two sort of want, the usual sort, you kow how it goes*. And it wasnt because he was ever so hot. Granted, he was ever so hot. He still is. NOt the point. It was because he was different. The same as me type different. But different to the same as me. So was that greek god of mine.

Anyway, that greek god of mine? was always shy about his body. Which, was quite greek god like so no shyness needed that. It looked good. Seems my ever so hot friend of 18 years back, was shy bout his bod back then, and still is. Didnt grow up all, you know, look at me im hot, like most people who are hot do. And he is hot people. Hot. YOu know Im a sucker for arms. Arms are my thing. And there is this set staring me in the face, this set that are sooooo worth staring at. I can just picture myself wrapped up in them. In fact, Im seeing myself about to have an 18 year old girl episode whereby my life will be over if i dont actually wrap myself up in them. OH SHIT, this is not good. This is very greek god like.

Stop me, stop me now.

No hang on a second.....my ever so hot friend was around before the greek god was. And I never got my ever so hot friend all those years ago. His heart, was not entwined with mine. His tongue, yes. His heart, no. We only spent a short time together, the ever so hot friend of 18 years ago and I. I was leaving town. It was all set in stone in already. Couldnt be changed. And, as an 18 year old, I wouldnt have changed it anyway. Its not what I did as an 18 year old. I made a plan, and it just happened. Changing my mind along the way, did not happen at all often. This plan, this leaving town plan, couldnt be changed. I could, however, have gone back. Couldnt I? I could have. I didnt. I did spend a fair amount of time, usually when my tongue was wrapped around someone elses, thinking about him after I had left. Dont blush people, I was 18, my cookie was far more important to me than my heart was. Wasnt it? If my cookie was far more important than my heart was......and I find myself wrapped up in the arms of my ever so hot friend of 18 years ago, 18 actual years ago, why was my cookie still in the jar? NO, my ever so hot friend and I, never did it. And that, I think is the problem here. I didnt get what I wanted. And being 18 years old, thats pretty important. In fact, not getting what you want is pretty much the same as actually dying, when you are 18. It always bothered me that we didnt do it, you know. Gradually that memory faded off, and was replaced with the menomory of my own choice. The one where, we kissed, we loved, we left too much unsaid. Unsaid, being the euphemism used here for DIDNT H AVE SEX AND SHOULD HAVE.

So, theres my thoughts as an 18 year old, flash forward to my thoughts as a 26 year old....theres that greek god, the same underlying tones as my ever so hot friend, whos name has totally escaped me by this stage, but that menomory hasnt. This time tho, that challenge is up. I want this man, and I plan to have him. And being ten years down the track, Ive learnt a few more tricks in order to get what I want. YOu all know how that turned out. Be careful what you wish for, cos you just may get what you want. Sigh.

And it wasnt until last night that I made that menomory connection. YOu all think IM nuts dont you? YOu all think Im crazy. I also think im nuts and crazy, shut up jayne why am i even friends with you? But I saw it. Thats the beauty of being 18 years down the track. YOu can see yourself making the biggest mistakes of your life right in front of your very own eyes. Doesnt mean you dont still make them. Just means you know you are.

I just cant work out which mistake it is that I want to make........to I want to make the same mistake as before, or do I want to make the mistake of not making that mistake again?

Thought for the day....Menomory, might make one.