So I Have To Do Something Tomorrow I Dont Want To Do Right

Dont you hate that? Its not that I dont want to do it. I do. Else I wouldnt be doing it. I just dont want to do it. But If I dont do it, it wont get done, and I will hate that at least as much as doing it. So I have to do it.

I dont like doing things I dont want to do. Which is why its handy that this is something I do want to do, just not in a do want to do sort of way. I dont think Ive ever done something like this before. Ok I have done something like this before, just not done it knowing the repercussions of it all. Not for me. For him.

See, I have this 'friend' right? But he's got to go. He has to not be my 'friend' anymore. Which is sad. For him I mean. Yes its sad for me too. But it has to be done. This is not the next love of my life, and shit, Im getting far too old to drag these things out any longer than they should be dragged out. Im getting old people. I cant waste the last baby bearing years of my life on some guy who I know it isnt going to work out with anyway. NOt that I plan on bearing any more babies, dont panic Gaanz, but my last baby bearing years, is a bit of a euphemism for, the last years of my life of the greatest sex I will ever have. We all know it goes downhill after menopause comes. I read that sex for after menopause women becomes quite liberating because they no longer have to worry about the babies that could be coming. Thats fine. However, Im thinking that after menopause women are probably having sex with men at least as old. And everyone knows men over 32 suck in bed. NO? Oh, must just be me who was fed that bullshit by my bastard husband.

The thing is this. I have to ring him tomorrow and say mate, its just not gonna happen. Its just not happening for me now, its just not gonna happen for me tomorrow and its just not gonna happen for me anytime at all. This, is going to break his nice heart. He is a nice man. He is. Of course, he would have been a lot nicer had he not left me hanging all valentines day. If he had of not left me hanging by disappearing off the face of the earth for two days. If he had of remembered he has a mobile phone and he can actually use it. Its a blackberry. Is that what they are called? Maybe he cant use it? High tech numbers they are. Not the point. He has access to a phone, can he not use it? Ok, so im sounding a little high maintenance here. Im sounding a little needy. Im sounding a little on the pathetic clingy side. Tough. Thats the way the cookie crumbles Im afraid. Or doesnt crumble at all, as the case maybe.

He was supposed to come up and see me this weekend. Which is why I have to ring him tomorrow. Thats what Jayne says. I says, cmon theres options here isnt there? Do I have to do it beforehand? Isnt this a better face to face conversation? Should I wait for him to come then drop it on him? Should I drop it on him as he is about to leave? Should I drop it on him when he gets home after having been here?

So a problem. Not really a phone call conversation. Though Ive heard worse conversatons happen over the phone. Heres one I prepared earlier...

Ring Ring
Me..Hello?
Husband...yeah its me, your dumped
Me...Helllo??? Helllo??? HELLO????

Ok so its not quite as bad as that kind of conversation, but its still not really a phone conversation. HOwever, its probably not really a face to face conversation considering the four hour drive he has to make to come up for the weekend. So Jayne is right. Why am I even friends with her? While it would be a better face to face conversation, its just not going to be possible and considering the alternatives, this is the best option. So I have to phone him tomorrow. Yay?

Thought for the night before I head to bed......Ball breaking heart breaking bitch? Present.