So I Had This Date Right

Today. A date. Me. I don't date. It's not that I don't really. Just that I never have. But I did it today. Dated. Didn't kill me. The preparation nearly did though.

I have this theory that theres no need to keep the lawn manicured if theres no gardener to tend to it, if you know what i mean, wink wink nudge nudge. This does mean however, that should I suddenly find myself interviewing a potential gardner that some damn quick hedge trimming better be taking place in Tasmania, and abroad for that matter, before that gardener cant get to the garden for the forest and the trees and the hedges and the weeds. But no logs. They dont log in Tasmania anymore do they? Im sure there was some ban put on it, some kind of law against it? No? Must just be my Tasmania then....

So there I am this morning frantically hacking my way through the undergrowth with a teeny pair of nail scissors *its all I could find* when I figured out that it was going to be a three or four day adventure trek if I kept up with the scissors and there must be a better way.

Im not a fan of waxing. Theres no way in the world you can convince me to put hot sticky stuff anywhere near my .............hang on, now that I think about it, hot sticky stuff is just fine. Whatever, IM not waxing. Ive never been to brazil because I cant speak the language, and I see no reason why I should start now. I use Nair. Or one of its competitors. Whatever hair remover is on special at the time. Im no brand nazi.

I gear off and goop on said Nair type product then busy myself pluckin my eyebrows while waiting for the hair to magically fall off due to its now being burnt off at the base of the follicle. Gee those eyebrows were a mission. Im sure there was two of them there last week, so how come there was only one there today? Not to worry. I sorted them out. Im a super eyebrow plucker. I can make plucked eyebrows look like they never need any attention at all. Just takes a bit of time.

Time? Holy hell how long has that goop been on down there, quick better get it off, what on earth is that tingly thingy? Thats never happened before. This cant be good. Wheres the damn facecloth? Owwwwwww. Get it off. Get if off. Sob sob, sook sook. GET IT OFF.

On closer inspection once the goop is all gone I notice that its going to be a nice day in Tasmania, thats what red means right? Red sky at night shepherds delight, red sky in morning, shepherds warning? OH DEAR GOD ITS MORNING. And its not going to be a nice day in Tasmania at all. Its all red and hazy, no thats just my eyesight failing me in the face of the pain of the fact that IVE BURNT TASMANIA TO THE GROUND. It is all red tho. And rashy looking and a bit of a bubbly look as well. Ive burnt it. The best thing for a burn is to cool it right down real quick, so I spend the next half an hour walking around with an ice pack strapped south of the border alternating between hoping that my forthcoming date is worth all this trouble I went to and hoping he isnt worth it because now that Ive burnt tasmania, there sure isnt going to be any logging going on down there today.........I knew that it had been banned. Told you.